NJ is demanding a coat, not what kind of coat.

I would send a nice coat with "I Love Daddy" or "Daddy's little girl" embroidered on it.

Great one Larry. It's too bad NJ bought one already.

Having said that, NJ is saying that she's going to keep D7's coat there. I will buy her one to keep at my place. But, my court order says this:

6. Toys, clothes, etc. shall not become matters of contention between the parents as these generally are the children's property, not the parents, entitling the toys or clothes to be taken by the children and back with the children, as reasonably appropriate.

If she won't send a coat with the kid, then she's putting the kid in the middle (not to mention not following orders).

I'd allow her to fail to do so, then send her an R3 letter, and bring it up in your next court date as yet another sign of her inability to coparent.

Of course, she'll cite you not bringing the coat back, to which I'd reply in court "she contacted me three days later that the coat was missing...given the weather at that time, why didn't she note that it was missing before?" or something like that. Just don't engage in the email tit-for-tat though.

Good point Jehr. I haven't responded to her E-mail. I said what I had to say before. I put the coat in the car. Period. I've gone radio silent from that point.

No doubt she will bring this issue up to our new PC to try and demonstrate I am not co-parenting. I hope I'm in a good position though. The PC has worked directly with my CE and my lawyer in the past. I chose the PC, not NJ.

How about a bluff?

"The dash cam I've been using at every exchange positively shows me placing the coat in your aunts car. Please stop harrassing me about this and take up the missing coat with your aunt."

Check your state CS guidelines, statutes, formulas, court procedural orders, and see if they allocate clothing as items to be provided for by the recipient of CS and the payor of CS gets no credit for providing clothing nor any obligation to provide clothing.

I think the most mileage, however, will come from her making providing the coat a point of contention and putting the child in the middle.

She gets CS. She can get a coat at Wally-world for less than $20. Goodwill even cheaper.

In the end, kids lose clothes sometimes. It happens. And certainly you have no need for a coat that fits your daughter when she's staying with her mother.

There's no motive there. She's got nothing to support her ranting paranoia about you "stealing" clothes from your daughter.

So what if she has to buy another one. If it turns up, she'll have two. Lucky kid.

Spend your time on more important things and tune out the ex.

Maybe someone from PA can be of more assistance. I checked the PA website (https://www.humanservices.state.pa.us/C ... LA#DQ1Link) and there is no mention of clothes or anything like that. Further, my order states nothing about clothes. By default, clothes are covered under CS, correct?

Maybe I am not seeing this the right way but if my kid needed a coat and my ex wouldn't buy them one CS or not I would buy the kid a jacket that they were allowed to take back and forth if needed.

If that makes me a softie or whatever fine. But my kid wouldn't go without a coat!

Every father that frequents this board on a regular basis has purchased their child a coat.

Each confronted by this situation repeatedly must find a point to draw the line in such a way so that they are not buying a new coat every week because of a complete NJ for an ex while at the same time minimizing the exposure to conflict to the child.

If you are current on your CS, the child is in the NJ's care and the NJ is repeatedly sending the child out in inclement weather it can be a trigger for a custody modification. Or, you could just send a new coat every week.

Which benefits the child most in the long run?

FOF is correct with his comments. This isn't the first time NJ has pulled this tactic and she looks really bad in how she responded.

There are a few things that you may not be aware of:

1. My kids live four hours from me so it's not like I would be able to run out to Wal-Mart, buy one and give it to D7 the same day.
2. NJ told me three days after I "lost" the coat that the coat was not there. It's interesting that NJ told me the morning after the custody trial when the judge told her that I might get custody of S6.
3. NJ has more than enough money to buy a $25 coat for D7.
4. She knew the coat wasn't there early on Thursday but yet sent D7 to school without a coat on Friday (according to her E-mail).

I checked the temperatures for Thursday and Friday where NJ lives (D7 missed school Mon, Tue, Wed). At the time of school on Thursday it was 36.2 and on Friday it was 39.2. She knew about it the mssing coat on Thursday but still sent D7 to school without a coat on Thursday and Friday. Finally, NJ took D7 to the doctor at 6:30am on Tuesday (I have the E-mail) and it was 37 degrees but yet D7 didn't have a coat? Why didn't she tell me Tuesday night or Wednesday night after the trial? She probably lost the coat at the doctor's office and wants me to pay for another one. Does she really think that anyone will believe her with this coat issue? [rhet]

The bottom line is, even if I did forget to bring it back to NJ, NJ willfully allowed D7 to go to school without a coat during two days of school when it was below 40 degress. She continues to put my kids in the middle of our issues.

I'm getting too wrapped up over this coat issue. She's an NJ, you can't rationalize with someone like that.

1. What is an NJ? Nm I think I just figured it out, nut job?

2. She's LYING about the coat. Knowing how cold it is, knowing you're fighting over custody she would NOT have sent your daughter to school in sub 40 degree weather without a coat.

3. IGNORE her. She's trying to start trouble with you. Remember, radio silence

So she'd have you believe. Consider the source.

Document it if she does it. Show her willingness to use the kids as weapons.

Here's my coat story:

NJ took D14 to physical therapy and I met them there. After PT, my daughter goes with me for the weekend. As we were leaving, I asked daughter if she had a coat; daughter says "no." OK

Over the weekend, we were out and about and, of course, I have a coat at my house for her to wear if she needs it. Daughter used the coat I had.

Sunday morning: Getting ready to leave my house to drop her off at church and it was raining. I asked daughter if she wanted to take a coat with her. Now, remember she is 14 years old, a teenager. She says, "No, I'm going from the car to church. I'm not going to be outside, I don't want wear one." She is wearing a long-sleeved shirt. OK

Sunday afternoon I get a call from the NJ. Where is daughter's coat? She had one with her on Friday at PT. I told NJ I didn't bring her to PT that she did. Also, that I had asked daughter about coat and that daughter said she didn't have one. NJ went ballistic. Since it was my weekend I should have known that daughter had a coat; that NJ would never not have brought one; that when I was leaving the parking lot, I should have called her on her cell to inquire about a coat. Believe me when I say, the last thing I'm going to do when I'm leaving with my daughter is to call the NJ. Besides, it wasn't a big deal.

NJ calls on Monday to say that she has retrieved daughter's coat from PT where it had been hanging all weekend. Good for her.

But, I consider the source on this one and I believe my daughter when she says she didn't bring a coat. NJ just wants to start something to stir the pot because she was served with papers for contempt and our court date is on Friday, 11/20.

And with any luck she'll bring up the coat.