You guys have been great with helping me responding to NJ's E-mails. She's trying to say that I never gave her D7's coat back and I did on Monday night. Actually, NJ is hardly ever at the exchanges for the kids as it is mostly her NJ aunt. I put it in the back of NJ aunt's car. So, I get this E-mail last night (three days went by):

DMK,

It is 4pm and I just called BOA and they said you have not deposited your child support of $89 as of today. You also owe me $25 for the kid's yearly activities. Pleas have that money in my account by tomorrow.

Also, D7 came home without her coat, which I sent with her to your house this weekend. Either give me $40 to buy her a new one because she will need it before her next visit with you or over night it to me if it is at your place.

I would greatly appreciate your cooperation in all of these matters.

NJ

Then I responded with this:

NJ,

The $89.58 is in your account. I'd like to see the letter from the school where they are requesting the $25 and the receipt where you paid the entire amount. As for D7's coat, I put it in your NJ aunt's car when I dropped the kids off on Sunday along with S6's coat. Perhaps you should contact your NJ aunt to locate it.

DMK

She says:

DMK,

I checked the back of my NJ aunt's car this morning and D7's coat is not there. So again , because it is absolutely freezing outside and she has to have one for recess, I am going to have to buy another coat and bring it up to school. It is your responsibility to make sure you return their belongings when you meet up with me so you will need to reimburse me for the coat I have to buy today or find the coat that is somewhere at your house and send it overnight. If you find it and do so, I will return the coat I buy today and no money will be owed. I think that is more than reasonable and fair.

Please check your car and house and let me know if you find it, otherwise I will mail the receipt for the one I buy today so that I can fairly be reimbursed.

Thanks,

NJ

I put it right into her aunt's car. There is no doubt that she is trying to extort me for $40. It's not the first time she has done this. What should I respond with, other than "F off."

You're getting caught up in the drama.



That's all you need to do. Ignore any attempts to suck you in.

My opinion?

She says you left it.

You said you returned it.

End on discussion. Ignore everything else pertaining to the coat in perpetuity. You both wish to be 'understood' by the other and it simply isn't going to happen.

I go through the continual "left it here, left it there" times 4. It's a PITA. D7 is old enough to start keeping up with her own coat.

We had this happen once. Here is what I did. I went out and bought a coat Son's size. Cut out the tag (as to not be returned) and in sharpee wrote SON's name and HUSBAND'S phone number in it (so you know it got 'lost') and sent it to X. That stopped all the BS of 'you owe me X money for clothes'. We would buy CLOTHES not send money. Always cut out tags- wrote son's name and put husband's phone number in them.

You may be able to get a decent coat at Goodwill for 5 bucks and do what Kimber suggested.

i make sure my kids name isn't on any of their clothes. i remember seeing that video in 3rd grade about strangers knowing kids name because it was on their shirt or jacket or whatever....

This one's easy:
Buy your daughter a coat that she has at your place. And shoes. And clothes and pants and hats and gloves and socks and underwear and toys and food and crayons and ... you get the idea.
Is $30 that much of a detriment to provide for your daughter's well being while she's at your place? The coat you buy stays at your place and is always available at your place. Any clothes that the ex sends to you, put them in a bag, suitcase, box, whatever. When the kids go back to the ex's place, put the clothes they came in back on them and send them off. Even go so far as to wash and clean the clothes, if you have extra space in your laundry, before you send the kids back. Is it that terrible of a thing?
Then, if this ever comes in front of a judge or GAL or custody evaluator, your response is, You provided clean, well cared for, and even new clothing for the children. As opposed to, She was supposed to send their clothes.
The first response goes far more towards justifying a fit and capable Father that can provide for his children.

My ex packs a suitecase all the time filled with all kinds of stuff for the kids visit at Dad's place. I never open the thing, unless the kids specifically ask for something from it. I have everything the kids need without any need from her. Every once in a while, I forget the suitecase is even there and it stays in the back of the pickup the whole weekend until the kids go home.

There was someone else that posted here that his daughter (teen-aged, I think) told her Dad that she always loves to go to his house because his fridge is always stocked with the food she likes best. Its the same with with clothes, toys, movies, books, games, etc. etc.

I do what dr white is suggesting. When they change into night clothes I wash the clothes their mom sent them in and put them aside and they wear 'my' clothes while they're here. Just before I send them back to their mom, I put them back in 'her' clothes. That way they're nice and clean for her (unlike when she sends them to me, they're usually filthy) and I don't have to worry about mixing up the clothes I buy and the clothes she buys for them.

These type of things are always kind of "iffy", in my opinion. It's simply a he-said/she-said thing. I think that what I would do is go buy 2 coats, and overnight her one, and keep the other at your house. Sure, she extorted you for what? $40? However, by buying the coat and sending it, it's really for your daughter. Yeah, and I'd probably cut the tag out, too.

Good advice above about keeping clothes for your kids when they're at your house.

It's not a question of money, it's a question of principle. This isn't the first time she's claimed that I forgot to give something back. But, I buy my kids clothes throughout the year and have always given them to her; mostly at the beginning of the school year.

I guess I just cut the loss on those clothes and buy new ones, huh?

Ummm. You just gave her 89.58 this week. What's she buying with that? Crack?

IMO, The cost of buying run of the mill replacement items for small childrens misplaced items such as shoes, socks coats and toys is a regular expense for any and every parent. i.e. covered under your normal child support obligation.


The coat was misplaced. It will turn up unless it flew out the window of the NJ's window as she went down the expressway. That your NJ thinks it's your obligation to run out a buy a new one at full price is a notion that needs to be stricken from her head. Somehow.

It's up to you to provide the teaching moment for the dingbat.

If I was certain I'd put the coat in the aunttard's car (i.e., I actually searched my place and car and did not find it) then no, I would not. Maybe this witch is a drama queen who's playing games in order to make you look bad. Maybe the X is the one jacking you around. Bottom line, YOU are NOT the reason for a missing coat, and should sleep well. My guess is that the coat will appear magically the next subfreezing morning. Cast off the dog collar, IMHO.

I agree with Trevor. I think the odds that the aunt is a pot stirrer is very high.

You guys have no idea. The aunt told me (now that I'm pursuing full custody), "If you want to pursue this, it's going to get very ugly and very expensive." She was 100% correct but now I got her on record (statement from the bailiff's at the court house) that shows she's just as much of an NJ as my ex is.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Trevor hit it right on the head. I haven't responded to this one but you can see where she's trying to play into our new parenting coordinator who we haven't seen yet:

DMK,

It was never put in her car and it is not in there now. If it would've been, I would not have had to go buy a new one. Please, just work with me on this and not against me. I just bought that coat prior to her last visit with you so now a basically brand new coat is missing. This is the reason we have to have a parent coordinator because we can never meet in the middle of the road. I'm just asking what is fair for me and the children. If you don't cooperate, then you can buy another coat for D7 and S6 when they stay at your house and bring it when they meet up with you, but I can not be replacing coats every time you forget to pack one.

Her E-mails make me want to vomit! I am 100% sure I put it in her aunt's car as NJ is rarely at the exchanges. If I had it here, why would I have to go and purchase another one?!

Based only on the title of this thread, I couldn't help but think of answering like this:

"Thanks for your concern, but I already have a good coat."

Okay, smartassery aside, agree with the others, but I'd add that I'd be watching the weather where your NJ lives and keep in touch with Ds school. If NJ takes her to school without a coat when she obviously needs one, I'd get a cheap one and figure out how to get it down there to the school or something like that. In no case would I give NJ the money.

My only reply to her would be: "The jacket positively was left in aunts car. /r Superdad." Then radio silence.