Not sure if I should just let this slide. My ex let's my son wear shorts to school despite the chilly weather. He's in elementary school. It was 35F this morning, and the high today only hit 50, and he was wearing shorts again when I picked him up at school. I'm concerned he's going to get sick, and the school won't let him out for recess if he is not dressed appropriately. He's also complained about being cold in school.

Should I send her an email just saying that I am concerned about him wearing shorts in cold weather and maybe it's time to start sending him to school in jeans?

I would email the ex and CC the teacher- but that's me.

Something like:

X,
Today when I picked up Son from school Son told me that he was not able to play out side at recess due him wearing shorts, since the school did not feel it was appropriate dress for the weather. (The low today was 35 and high was 50)

Son also complained to me when I picked him up about being cold during school.

If I can help Son in this issue, please let me know.

World's Greatest Dad

Perfect letter. If it's longer than 4-5 sentences, it's too long.

Yes, absolutely let her know you object. Dressing him in summer clothes when its 35 out could be considered abuse, depending on the age. The only reason for the caveat is some teenagers will chose to dress like that because they're knuckleheads at that age. For a younger kid in elementary school, I'd certainly consider it abuse.

Yes, send her an e-mail about it like mentioned above.

I provide the school with spare stuff like a jacket and sweat pants (you can get them cheap at consignment store) just in case and they can leave in their class only and not bring home to NJ. Kid will appreciate your looking out for his interest and can play dodgeball, you are super dad to school officials and Nj looks like a ..(whatever)

Agree on the teens wearin shorts most of the year thing.

Particularly if his teacher is hot.

Why is your child wearing summer clothes to school? I ask because I have an 8 year old, who hardly ever gets sick and has perfect attendance at school each year, who dresses herself. And it's in summer clothes (the ones that my ex doesn't put away which is mostly the shorts and tank tops) in the middle of winter. She won't wear tights with her dresses and only wears a coat when playing in the snow or on a bitter cold day. Her furnace runs hot. So I have to disagree about it being abuse. Unless the ex is forcing the child to wear summer clothes, then it is abuse.

It could just be that the child is insisting on wearing summer clothes and the ex trying to teach natural consequences to ones actions. And there is nothing more natural than a child who insists on wearing summer clothes in the winter being cold. And that's not abuse.

I get the same treatment from the NJ with my boys (S7 and S10).

Strangely, they both just "happen" choose to wear the same clothes they happened to be wearing two weeks prior when they went over to their mother's. i.e. she sends them back wearing the same clothes I sent them to her wearing and not one shred of clothing more, regardless of how long they're staying with me (sometimes a week plus), and even though she demanded she get the $500 per month the court formula for CS includes -- "without regard for time spent with either parent".

And the weather was 20 degrees cooler after the week I was out of town when they returned to me.

I'm working on teaching them to assert their independence, dress themselves (at my house they do), and teaching them to not let their mother bully them into wearing the clothes I have been previously forced to provide for them (on top of already providing for said clothes via CS). Because that's what it is -- she's got a beef with her court orders to provide clothes for them all of the time, not just when they're with her, and takes it out on the kids by bullying them into wearing inappropriate clothes or clothes she chooses for them.

Guess what? In the real world of grown-up land, people don't have their mothers pick out their clothes every day.

I do what I can and pray for the day when they tell mom to "stick it" when she picks out the rattiest clothes she can (keeping the "good clothes" for only when they're with her, of course) to intentionally create disparity in their standard of living between the their two homes.

The only problem is that the MO court rules for calculating CS don't clearly spell out their assumptions as enforceable. Meaning mom gets the money and it's difficult to stop mom from undermining the children's relationship with their father, creating disparity in their standard of living between the two homes, and putting the children in the middle of her beef with not wanting to live up to the responsibility she took on when she demanded she receive the maximum CS she could get away with.

It's fraud -- cheating your children out of resources that are provided for their immediate benefit (clothes) and not for the parent's (such as paying for mom's house that she can't afford on her own). IMHO, paying your parent's mortgage isn't something children should be "doing without" on other necessities as a prudent long-term financial strategy.

Unless your purpose in emailing is to document her neglect of the children for a later custody modification (the kids spend more time with you), I wouldn't communicate with here about it, becuase it won't make any difference. Anyone who would send their kids out it shorts when it's 35 degrees out is simply reckless and nothing you say will make any difference in what she does. (She might even be doing it to get a response out of you so you'll have some interaction with her...even if it's negative).

Go get some clothes, take them to school and tell the school (and his teacher) that you've noticed that "junior" has been underdressed for the weather, and here are some warm clothes should he need them. The school personel will know what you mean. Then talk to "junior" about the clothes being there for him.

And "turn off" the ex.

The only problem is that my NJ would respond back with this:

I agree it's probably not going to make any difference, but I'd do it for documentation purposes. You may be able to get a letter from his teacher about it too.

But leave out an offer to help. The only thing you can really do is dress your son properly when he's in your care.

If it continues I'd certainly file a petition for special relief, provided I had 3 instances that were documented and backed by a witness, aka the teacher.