My ex is a little crazy. Lots of background here that I will leave out, but there is no definitive proof of issues other than behavior in court in front of magistrate, and recently several court filings she has made. The last of which was a 10 page rant/rave session as a response to my response to her initial filing. She goes on and on, paints herself as paranoid, delusional, obsessive and then tells the magistrate that for her benefit she has written and attached a SCREENPLAY so that she can better understand the truths of our divorce.

The nut wrote a freakin 2 page screenplay and submitted it to the court. It reads like an insane person wrote it.

My question is this...can i/should i file that a psych eval be done on her as a result of this filing and in the interim my daughter stay with me full-time. Could also add in that I should get full (from joint) decision making authority.

Is it hard to request something like this? Do you need some serious proof of something or is a filing like the one she submitted enough???

My only worry here is poking the crazy ex with a stick to the point she does something drastic like kidnap my daughter or come after me. She needs meds, but I think she has Boderline Personality Disorder (undiagnosed), so by the nature of that problem cannot see anything as her fault, takes no responsibility, and is paranoid and the eternal victim. I

You're represented, right?

Psych evals are useful. If she objects, then expect to (1) have to pay for it; (2) have it made reciprocal (you both get eval'd) or (3) both.

Ditto on having to get one yourself. If she gets one and you don't, then she may have grounds to appeal later.

In my case, the GAL asked the judge for an emergency hearing and pushed for the NJ to get a psyche eval done. I agreed to one just to make sure it was air tight.

You need to talk to your lawyer though about what kind of psyche eval to get. The doc that did our evals charges anywhere from $800-4k for an eval, so if you're on the higher end, it could be quite costly.

I wonder how much good it would do. If you request an eval, and it comes back - 'not crazy' it could hurt your case a lot.

I'm pretty sure my X has Borderline Personality Disorder, too. She meets every single one of the symptoms. The thing about BPD, is that something like 75% of the people 'afflicted' with this are women, so a lot of shrinks don't like to diagnose it because it is viewed as sexist or something.

Besides that, BPD people are very cunning. She could and probably would lie to the eval person. 'No I don't fear being alone', 'No I never cut myself.'

Also, reading the literature about this, there is a school of thought that diagnosing someone with this disorder, or others like it, narcissistic personality disorder, etc. Isn't useful to the patient.

I've decided against trying for a psyc eval when I file again. Instead, I'm doing my best to document her bad beihaivior. In my opinion, BPD really just means you are a bad person and you want everyone around you to suffer. If I can show the court she is a bad person, I think I'll win custody. With a diagnosis, it can be viewed as 'not her fault' and she could be 'in treatment' which could work against you.

I'd reccomend reading up on BPD. If your X truly has this, there are things you can do to maniupulate situations to help yourself and the kids. BPD can be summed up with, "I hate you, don't leave me." They really fear being alone, and fantasize about 'perfect' relationships. Use her fears against her.

If I want the X to wallow in self pity, I subtly suggest that no one likes her or wants to be around her. If I want the X to be in a good mood, I suggest that someday we might all go on vacation together with the kids, which plays into some kind of fantasy she has.

In my case, the judge ordered NJ to get a psych eval, I didn't even have to request it. Even if her psych eval comes back as clean, documenting her actions are more useful than an evaluation. In my case, I had voicemails, E-mails and police reports and she appears crazy in most of them. The good part is, NJ is digging herself in a deeper hole with each thing she says.

There is a key part to obtaining the evidence though. I let NJ keep doing what she was doing for about for five months and the straw that broke the camels back (or I should say my breaking point) was when she said in a voicemail to me, "If you don't pay my overdraft fees, you will not see your fuc$*ng kids."

Once you pull the plug, she will correct her habits. Now when NJ leaves voicemails, it's always, 'Hi DMK, can you help me with this" or in E-mails, she always says please and thank you. The point being, try and get many documented cases of her craziness because if it's just one case, the judge really won't care.

I agree with default for the most part...but don't just focus on why she is a "bad" person. Slinging mud won't get you anywhere. You've got to do so in a manner where you're showing the direct impact on the kids, and you also have to prove that you are the better alternative. Just because mom is nuts doesn't mean the judge is going to make the assumption that dad is any better. Make sure you build your case so that you connect the dots so it's easy for the judge to come to the right conclusion instead of leaving it to the judge to make the connections on his own.

In your case DMK, you're dealing with alot of history that's been observed by key players such as the bailiffs, your custody evaluator, and others. Based on her history, she isn't wired tight enough to play it off and come out with a clean eval, I don't think. Just make sure you do understand the risk that she might surprise you, and how you would need to tailor your case as a result.

I was in a similar situation and got the eval on my wife, and it's been pretty significant in shaping my case so far. I'll tell you if it worked next week when we go final. But she displayed symptoms of a multitude of issues including paranoia, BPD, and delusional personality disorder. Add on top of that she isn't particularly bright, and there was no way she was going to BS her way through the eval. So take it with a grain of salt as far as how it relates to your case.

I agree. The thing is, that often things that really < edited > me off, like her not showing up to pick up the kids, which they don't understand, or not bothering to bring the kids on time to their halloween party at my house I don't think a judge will care about.

Will hundreds of little things like this make a difference? Bringing the kids late to school, never taking to any events, not taking responsiblity for homework when they are in her care, etc. I wonder if a judge will care about any of that stuff.

I've got the voicemails, etc. that show her crazyness, but they are kind of isolated incindents.

Many isolated incidents form a pattern, and its much easier to show the detrimental effects of her behavior after you've established the pattern. A common mistake is guys get hung up on the impacts of individual events, which the judge will ignore unless its extreme, as we all have mea culpas every once in a while.

Did you guys have a GAL or a custody evaluator? That was key in my case. Reason being, it allowed NJ to talk and show she's a nut job but Jehr is right, you have to demonstrate how it affects the kids. In my case willfully witholding my kids from me, alienating my kids from me and putting my son on meds without telling me were the biggest part of my case. You're right though, little things like late to school (only if they are few and far between) or taking kids to events don't matter too much unless it's like an everyday occurence. The kids have to be affected in some significant way by her actions. At least that's what my experience has been.

The first state my husband has his 2nd divorce was in (MS) he has a GAL and a Psych report for him and his 2ndX. Of course he passed wih flying colors, she horribly failed (even 'lost' SON during one of her many meetings with psych eval person) the GAL report stated 2ndX should not have custody of SON. The "Judge" did not even take any of it into consideration. Husband wasted over $4,000 between his Psych eval and GAL fees.

Husband's experience was neither the GAL or Psch Eval was helpful, a waste of time(he had to travel to another state to get all of this done), and a huge waste of money. Only b/c the Judge did not even look at the paperwork.

In Husband's experience, the only thing that made any difference was 2ndX moved to a different state- so husband got a new judge.

Here's the problem with getting a psych evaluation and having custody based on it, to me at least. You gotta ask yourself if she's smart enough to pass one even if she's nuts.
My ex is hands down the most intelligent person I've ever met. She's also either the most or the second most abusive person I've ever met, the other one being her father.
I would LOVE to get a psych evaluation done on my ex, but I KNOW she will do what she does everywhere else in her life. Lie to get what she wants. Manipulate the evaluator just like she manipulated me, just like she manipulates everyone else in her life, including our children.
Sorry for the minor hijack, but you really gotta ask yourself if she's stupid enough to fail a psych evaluation, instead of asking yourself if she's sane enough to pass it.

You are correct with your thinking. However, with a good doctor conducting the eval, it's hard to lie. If you have real life examples (any kind of documentation) that supports a psych eval, that's a better way to success. However, if you just "think" she's nuts and are hoping that a psych eval will do the job, it's a long shot and I doubt it will work. They are all nuts, the question is does it come out when they parent your kids?

In my case, we both had to take the MMPI-2. The Dr. was able to take the traits from the MMPI-2 and attach them to real life examples. Without that correlation, saying "NJ could be aggressive" or "NJ's MMPI-2 shows mental and substance abuse disorder" is worthless.

But again, you have to show how her actions are a detriment to your kids.

Passing a psyche eval isn't necessarily a matter of intelligence though. There's also different types of psyche evals, some go much deeper than others. Having proof of some of her behavior and cluing the evaluator into her game can go a long way.

There's always risk no matter what you do, but you shouldn't shy from one of these based on intelligence though. You may have to pay more to have a more thorough test done however IMO.

Thank you guys for clearing up a major misconception that I had.

Every little bit of hope really helps, you know?