I could write pages on my trial but I will try to give the condensed cliff notes version. NJ thinks she has this won before she even gets into the courtroom....

When we get into the court room (NJ pro se), the judge says a few things and my lawyer says...blah, blah, blah.....for a custody trial..... NJ perks up and says, "custody trial? I didn't know we were here for that!" It was from that point that I knew this day would be interesting.

I got up and testified, nothing unusual. The expert (PhD who did our evaluation) testified. He used the "in my professional opinion" a few times and I just liked hearing that. In a nutshell, he said that NJ is unstable mentally, has a substance abuse problem, cannot co-parent effectively and I should have primary custody.

NJ got up to testify and it just went downhill from there. She submitted (as evidence) 9 E-mails of her "weekly reports" to me that shows she is trying to co-parent (she had nothing before the contempt trial). She submits a lot more E-mails that have very little relevance to custody and starts to cry her eyes out.....almost to the point of hyperventilating. She's talking over the judge, court reporter has to constantly ask her to slow down and demeans my lawyer. At one point NJ asks my lawyer if she has any kids while NJ is on the stand and my lawyer says, "That’s not relevant." During cross, there was a lot of "what did you say" or "I can't hear you" or "that's not what I meant."

NJ's aunt gets up to testify and lies her < edited > off. She comes off as very credible because she says good and bad things about me and NJ but says that we are both immature. She tells the judge that I hit S6 in the face and that I only wash D7's hair with water. Lies on both counts. She testifies that I asked her to move where I live so she could take care of my kids 6 years ago. My son is 6 so while he was still in the womb I asked her to do that? What a dumb thing to say.

So, we're all done and it's not a surprise that the judge orders a parenting coordinator. Fine. She orders me to pay an out-of-network evaluation for S6 (I asked for an in-network) for the sum of $375. Fine.

The judge then starts talking about custody and says that I will have primary custody of S6 and D7 will stay with NJ. NJ asks her if that's her final recommendation and the judge says she is taking it under consideration. NJ loses her mind at this point. Judge is fed up and leaves the room. Three bailiffs approach NJ. NJ's aunt calls NJ's dad while we are still in the court room stating that she is going to fight this and the judge doesn't know what she is doing.

All through this I was a church mouse, not a peep. I turn to NJ's aunt and I ask her if anyone is watching my kids and she says, "why don't you go do it!" and I said fine but the bailiff stopped me because we were still making an appointment to see the PC and he tells her to go out with my kids.

I can hear NJ's aunt in the hall saying stuff like (to my kids), "Why didn't you say you wanted to live with mommy!? Why didn't you tell the judge that grandpa touched you in your private area?!" There was other stuff I couldn't hear as well. As I walked past NJ's aunt, she said to me, "This is the end of the DMK family." I still don't know what that means.

Then, NJ started yelling at my lawyer saying, "You wanted to break up me and my kids and you will pay for this" as the bailiff’s approached. The bailiff's were escorting NJ, her aunt and my kids to the elevator and they were yelling about me and the judge’s decision right in front of my kids.

When the bailiff's came back, they said what NJ and her aunt said was really inappropriate and my lawyer asked if they would write a statement. Their supervisor was there and ordered a report by Monday morning from both bailiff's.

I think the reports from the bailiff's will show the true NJ and NJ aunt that they are. Plus, they work directly with the judge so the judge knows them. We have another trial in January where NJ is supposed to bring her psych. eval and a full custody decision will be entered.

Why would a judge split up two kids? My lawyer seems to think that the interim order will give me my son and the final one in January will give me D7 as well. I think the judge wants to see how I handle having S6 and if I do it well then she will give me custody of D7.

I think the judge wants to see the report from the PC and NJ's psych eval to make a final decision. NJ was ordered to get an evaluation in March and to date, she has only seen him four times! She needs five visits to get an evaluation according to her. Seems like if you were only able to see a therapist 4 times in 8 months that you are trying to hide something.

Can anyone tell me the rationale behind the judge’s decision?

I'm not a religious person, but there is a story about King Solomon's judgment of two mothers who argued over a child - ever hear it?

The one with the child's interest at heart wins.

The part that confuses me most is why the judge would split up my kids? NJ has had my kids for over four years (of status quo) so the judge saw something big enough to perhaps grant me custody of my son but if that's the case, why not my daughter?

Ignorant people think only women can parent daughters. Stupid people cannot imagine a father being able to discuss personal hygeine or menstruation to a daughter. That's my guess.

Boys with the dad: and girls with the mom is NOT uncommon. My sisters went with my mom, 14 and 5, and I went with my dad 12.

That girls go with moms things is a crock of BS. I hope that's not the rationale. You should see the braided hairstyles I do on D3!

Would it have anything to do with the age? Because you live hours away...I'm assuming they will change schools?

Oh, and congrats DMK! This sounds like a win in my book. Fingers crossed for January.

With your long, dramatic history in this case, you should know better than to ask that question. Your judge is an extremely biased, ignorant fool who has given your NJ ex so much rope to hang herself that she could jump off of the sears tower and hit the ground before the rope went taught.

We always tell guys on here that the final hearing of a divorce is just the end of the first battle in the war. You lost that one, but as your story attests, it wasn't the end of the war. Nor was this. You won this battle. The judge is finding it harder and harder to give the NJ any leeway whatsoever, and is starting to finally do what she should have done in the first place.

Congrats, but don't rest on your laurels just yet. You've got another hearing in January, and you know that she is going to try every dirty trick in the book. You need to be ever more vigilant between now and January than you ever have been before. If I were you, I'd start getting buddy-buddy with the police in her neighborhood, and see if they can maybe sit across the street and inconspicuously watch handoffs over the next few months. Let your ex self-implode soviet-union style in the shadow of your radio silence.

You got a partial victory, not bad for having gonads. Now keep your cajones well oiled, and go for the rest. Be super dad, and hope she continues to be stupid, and your D7 will follow soon.

Thanks but it doesn't feel like a victory for two reasons.

On one hand the judge said I was getting custody of S6 but on the other hand when NJ asked her if that's her final decision she said she is taking it under consideration.

The other thing, D7 is much better off with me than NJ so I want her too.

Son is 6 and daughter is 7. They are one grade apart so I'd have to say no. Yes, it would be a change of schools as we live four hours apart.

My lawyer said we need to wait for the order to be filed with the court house to see exactly what the judge wants. I just hope where the judge is going is that she gives me custody of S6 now and in January I get custody of D7. Gotta wait and see.

But do you really think it isn't going to go your way after the behavior the NJ exhibited in the courtroom. I guess its possible but if baliffs are having to approach, judge has to leave the room..... Id say you have a much better chance than you think and the "taking it under advisement" may have just been the judges way to respond to your NJ to avoid an all out psycho drama in the courtroom.

You really should be celebrating this, as others have pointed out, this is a critical victory in the overall war. Personally, it's disappointing to read these posts and feel like the responders are the only ones celebrating for you. You really did well with this one. When you respond back to the guys posting here with is what is essentially "yeh, but", it's frustrating.

Celebrate it man, and gear up to pound the final nail in the custody trial coffin in january. Be exceptionally careful with the way you respond to any emails or calls from now to the next trial, obviously, you don't want to stink up the progress you've made.

Finally, congratulations.

I started with getting thrown out on an exagerrated PO and got 14%. I have had 50/50 on two of my 3, and 40% on the third, for this last year. This is a war, not a battle. If you get primary on one, and she is nuts, you will eventually get the other. Continue doing what you're doing.

Don't get me wrong, I feel better about this trial than the other five I've had in the past two years. My lawyer wasn't even completely sure what's going to happen because the judge wasn't very clear. So, until the order comes out, I'm going to reserve a celebration. I guess the reason why I'm not celebrating now is because in March we had a custody trial and the evaluation stated I should have primary. So, I went in there thinking it was a slam dunk and it clearly wasn't.

Additionally, I still have concerns for D7. Having said that: You are correct, in my opinion, with this comment. It's just a question of, will the judge look very hard at information she has been given.

I do feel a lot more optomistic than I did after the trial in March. I should be from Missouri though - I need to be shown things first before I can accept it. In other words, I just want to see the court order before I have a full-fledged celebration.

I feel the same way. I just hope her therapist sees the real NJ.

Thank you. It's been three years of mental exhaustion and now, finally, I feel like I'm getting the results I want. I guess persistence really does pay off.

After thinking about it for a while, I need help from some people who have had experience with a parenting coordinator.

My first question is, can or does the PC submit a report to the judge typically? The second question is, does the PC make recommendations as far as who should get custody and if they don't, can they?

The only benefit I have, initially anyway, is the the PC has worked with the CE who did our evaluation and they know each other quite well....NJ doesn't know that. Seems like this may work in my favor.

You can search my prior posts about the PC. I voluntarily signed on with one which was a huge mistake. It sounds like you have no choice, but to use the PC. The concept of a PC makes complete sense and could be very helpful, but if you get a mommy-biased, control-freak PC like I have and cuppajoe has, then you could have huge problems. Questions you want to ask:

- Length of PC's term and renewal policy
- Who will pay for PC? Ours is split 50/50, so my ex uses her for everything from advice to forcing me to do whatever she wants.
- What control does PC have? Can she change the custody schedule? How often will she talk to your kids.

I think there was more in my prior posts, so take a look.

Thanks massdaddio. I'll check out your prior posts on it.