First off, I'm in Illinois. Here's what happened. I got a voice recorder just in case to protect aginst any possible false charges. A couple of days ago she started yelling at me about things that never happened. So I pulled out the recorder and told her that from now on I will record our conversations to protect myself. She started yelling that she wants me out of the house, that I'm being abusive. She called her lawyer right then. Wants him to start the paperwork to have me removed. Tonight she tells me that she is going to the police station in the morning to file a report. That it's illegal, she didn't give consent, this is no way for her to live and what other things I might be doing. She said she's going to have the police check everything in the house, like if the phones are tapped (they're not). She is also telling me the paperwork is done and will be filed Monday and I will be out of the house. I did tell my lawyer that she is filing for that and he didn't seem too concerned. But what do I do about this police report? Any insights or suggestions?

Please read the list.

And then learn about "Radio Silence" - it will really work for your case.

She has no power - let alone the magic powers she thinks she has - so waste no more time on this - do not leave the house. Without a Judges order, you do not leave - lawyers's threat or whatever - you buckle down and stay put and put the pressure on her to leave this horrible circumstance. She doesn't get to take the kids, either.

Make some off-site copies of the recordings in a SECURE LOCATION.

I have been doing everything in The List. I don't believe I'll be removed but I am worried about the police thing. There has been some computer monitoring which is iffy legally. I am going to get everything I can out tonight. No sleep for me.

I've never experienced this but after reading posts similar to yours, here is my opinion.

First off, the computer is yours too, correct? If so, you are only monitoring stuff on your computer. The police will look at this as an about-to-be divorced couple arguing, not espionage. I'd like to see a judge issue a warrant to inpect a computer for monitoring software, which an NJ complained about, that is still in your home.

Your paranioa, IMHO, is getting the best of you. I was there at one point. My case was more extreme than yours. I did actually tape NJ on the phone (it's illegal in her state), she got the recording, took it to the DA and they did nothing. They don't care. They have more important issues to worry about.

Do as Bart says and go Radio Silent. The more silent you get, the more significant the threats will be from NJ. Time to grow balls of steel.

If you have recordings of her being abusive to you this is what I would do (and yes, her yelling at you telling you that you are being abusive IS abuse). FIRST thing monday morning, call work tell them you are going to be late. Be the FIRST person in front of your local court (Surperior court I think). Get an order of protection against her and a temporary order of child custody stating that since she is no longer living at the children's primary residence that the children need to stay there for stability sake.

Guess what she's going to do first thing monday if she's playing the abusive card? Here's the crappy thing. The one who gets the order of protection FIRST, wins.

This is NOT legal advice, I am NOT an attorney.. and all that stuffs!

BTW,

any monitoring software on your computer is not for spying purposes but for your benefit. So you can retrieve your forgotten passwords, ect.

(wink)

seriously? the cops are NOT going to come in and check to see if your phones are tapped. that is absolutly ridiculous. also the computer is yours right? does she know you're monitoring it? if not don't tell her, if she does who cares? the cops certainly don't. be nice, be respectful and leave it at that. she's got nothing on you. it's not a movie, it's real life, even if the cops could do something about what you do in YOUR house they probably wouldn't because they're too lazy. work on radio silence, say nothing else to her and document time with your kids.

Good. Let her. Allow her to start showing her hand and her strategy to them before she actually goes the route of a false DV claim.

While technically true, there's alot of precedent in criminal courts that would allow it because she knew about the recorder. The argument goes that she didn't have to talk to you in the presence of a recorder if she knew you were recording, but since she chose to speak in the presence of the recorder that she knew was running, that she implicitly consented.

Specifics? Is it just noise, or are there any serious false accusations going on here?

Also good for you. Later you can use that very police report against her to substantiate that she's paranoid and aggressive after they find nothing.

Although I don't think you have too much to worry about, depending on the answer to the third quoted block above, his lack of concern as your lawyer is a little disconcerting. He should be taking this seriously regardless. It doesn't take much to get a guy temporarily removed on a TRO.

Thanks guys. I did get too paranoid. I sometimes forget that the more she yells the more she is lying or caught in a lie. I talked to my neighbor who is a county sheriff and he said I'm fine and I should be recording/monitoring everything in my house. He said keep the recorder on me at all times and look out for the false DV claim.

Her only accusations toward me are that I may be monitoring everything and that it's not in her best interest. She does tell her friends online that I verbally abuse her but it's all a lie.

Just be prepared for her to step up her accusations when the first one fails.

In her mind it is the truth - and soon she will act on it. Funny thing about NJ's - they tell a lie often enough, they begin to think it is true.

Glad you are felling better about this; so have you read "the list" again and how far along are you in your documentation?

I have been documenting everything since I decided to file and found this site, which was about August 1. She was served Sept 7.

I agree that she does believe what she says. She has always interpreted reality a little differently. I tried to get her to seek help. After I filed (before she was served) she did see a therapist for one appointment. She told people the therapist was controlling like everyone else, just wanted to tell her what to do.

She's full ot it.

But yes, go radio silent.

How the hell are you married to my wife????

I am in the same situation, going through the same stuff. Unreal isnt it?

I'm in Northern IL. If you want to BS, compare notes or just talk, let me know.

You screwed up big time. Why in the world would let her know you are recording anything? First thing my attorney told me to do was get a tape recorder and place it where it couldn't be seen. Thank goodness. Should have seen the babysitter's face after she filed a Order of Protection against me claiming all kinds of BS as she was close friend of ex. Judge listened to recordings and fired her on the spot. Told ex to have new babysitter in 7 days.

After that the cat was out of the bag so to speak. I carry one now for child exchanges per attorney'sd directive as have Motion to Modify and get sole custody next year. Make no doubt about it, police, especially female officers, are normally on the women's side and this will protect you from their lies at trial as well. Been there and done that. Saved my a**.

Most states are a 1-party state. As long as one party knows the conversation is being recorder - and that would be you - it's legal so no problem there. Find out for your state.

Another advantage to having a recorder is it will ensure you are on your best behavior as well. We all know the ex's know exactly what buttons to push and they will try every one of them normally as often as they can until you turn into a duck - water rolls right off your back.

If she files Order of Protection, you are out the door, literally. She can make up whatever lies she wants. 99% of the judges will grant a Temp and assign trial 3 - 4 weeks later to hear whether a permanent one will be established. In the mean time, you have no rights legally to see your kids and in most cases you will have about 10 mins with a police escort to get your stuff and get out of the house. If it is inevitable, file first. If kids are involved, remember this, possession is 100% of the law. You have them, they are yours. If she keeps them and doesn't let you see them, absolutely nothing you can do. Judges can't hold it against either of you later as you technically are still married and there are no temp visitaion orders in place that you are not adhering to. But the same goes the other direction as well. Don't do it if you can't care for them.

In my state, the party filing for divorce, regardless of gender, wins custody in approx. 82% of the divorces. If it's coming, file first.