I was thrown out at the start of the divorce. The lawyers say it should never have happened - judge did not follow guidelines and I did nothing to warrant being tossed out. Anyway I am in a tiny apartment and she is in the house for which I am paying 100% plus ALL of her bills.

The kids come by two nights a week and every other weekend. They dread going back home to her. She screams, pulls their hair and uses 4 letter words on them. They both (9B and 11B) want nothing more than to live with Dad and have Mom move out of the house. I have a journal of incidents should anyone ever care. My older son is also starting one of his own too in an attempt to get away from Mom.

The GAL came by once for 1/2 hour with the kids about two months ago. He has not yet spoken to me or STBX. Judge has ordered forensic psychology but nothing has happened so far after a month. It seems like the whole thing has come to a standstill.

Is this normal? Does the GAL actually do anything? She is a nasty, evil person but the feminist judge seems to go along with whatever she says.

She's living free on my dime, and I'm scraping by, the kids are miserable and nobody seems to be doing anything. And I hear she is remodeling the house - can she do that with "exclusive occupancy? or is that just occupancy? Of course, it is my money that is paying for that...

On what grounds were you thrown out? Temp orders giving her exclusive occupancy or is there a PO in place? Details like that can make a huge difference.

Exact ages on the kids please, as that can make a huge difference too.

Remodelling the house? Possibly that can help improve the sale value so if you compel the sale, it probably won't hurt. Exact details govern.

Who has witnessed or recorded the screaming, pulling the hair & using of 4 letter words?

What state you from again?

Lots of drama here. Witnessed, admissalble facts determine lots.

I was thrown out after a hearing. My attorneys later told me the Judge did not follow guidelines and I should not have been thrown out. They advised against appeals, arguing money would be better spent chasing custody. They said she's just concoct something anyway and call the cops and I'd be arrested. Even though I didn't do anything.

Kids are 10 and 12, boys, New York.

No witnesses - just what they've told me goes on at home.

OK, really, am not trying to be thick, am trying to help. I had an exagerated PO thrown my way as well, got it dismissed after three months after initially falling on my sword hoping she would "reconcile," but that didn't go anywhere.

What exactly was the finding that threw you out? A protective order? A temporary order telling you to leave and giving her primary use of the marital residence?

What did she acuse you of? What did you agree or stipulate in any attempts to settle? Since there was a hearing, did you formally object to the motion to grant the protective order? No witnesses -- understood. Was there any physical evidence?

If there was a finding by a court of domestic violence, that carries weight in your subsequent case. Was there a finding of domestic violence, or not?

What is your status today? Protective order, or are you on temporary orders simply giving the house to her? You are paying 100% of her bills, ok, got it -- is she capable of gainful employment? Has she ever worked? How many years married?

Coming back with generalities will not allow us to help you much. Need hard data.

Really, not trying to be thick, need more on your specific status to help you figure this out.

It's not a PO - just a general Court Order for the interim - pendente lite or something. In her initial filing for divorce she had requested Exclusive Occupancy due to feeling threatened by me. She had nothing on me because I am not violent. No prior police calls, no hospitalizations, no pictures, nothing.

She refuses to even let me see the dog she says I might poison him. She is nuts. In her filing, she accused me of being violent to the kids but the next week she let me take them alone to Florida for a week. The lawyers picked up on that.

I am not violent to anyone. My psychologist tells me to be more assertive and stand up for myself and not to let her push me around like she has for 20 years.

Marriage was 22 years.

Once I hit her with a pillow, twice I got out of the car parked in the driveway (as a passenger in her car) rather than go with her when she started arguing with me. A couple of affidavits from a friend and a sister "feeling" that I am a ticking time bomb. But the Judge bought her filing and threw me out of the house.

She is working and has been working for 8 years making 70K. Not exactly poor. She asked for 50% of her car payment, the Court granted her 100%. The total dollar amount I am ordered to pay monthly exceeds my take home pay by several hundred. Basically I can't pay for rent or food and I am using dwindling savings to live. I have cut back to one small meal a day. Incredible. We are rearguing that but the lawyer says it is basically asking the Court to admit they made a mistake and they probably won't change their verdict.

She is ordered to pay 25% of household expenses, but she has paid nothing to date. I have been paying 100% to protect my credit rating and am tracking my payments in a spreadsheet.

I get the kids twice a week and every other weekend. They hate living with Mom and want to live with me. They have moved all their most valuable treasures into my place. They want to write a letter to their GAL asking to live with me and telling him they are scared of Mom. She yells and hits them. This is how it always has been so it is true. She has a record with CPS for scratching my son. But I'm the one who was thrown out. They tell me Mom hates me, totally hates me and that is all she rants about. I tell them I don't hate Mom, there is something wrong in her brain and I hope someday she'll get better.

I live close by - less than a mile. She has told them to no longer ride their bikes as she is afraid they will ride to Dad's place (which they would). The have been told to leave anything I buy for them at Dad's place or she will take it away. I bought them sweaters and she confiscated them.

I am fighting custody and am asking for a forensic eval.

Everyone feels that I am being royally screwed by this Judge and treated unfairly, but nobody seems to be able to correct things.

So, if you're kids are so afraid of their mother, wonder what would happen if one of them dialed 911 when she was going ballistic on them? With a police report, you may have a shot at filing a protective order to keep her from your kids. I'm not suggesting your kids make a false call, but if they are really terrified of her and she is hitting them, they have every right to call for help.

As a general rule, and I'm not trying to be harsh here on you am simply trying to help you, take the negativism down a notch. Divorce is traumatic, but getting thrown out of the house implies a pretty severe action, usually based upon a DV charge. In your case, a mom with kids got primary use of the marital residence while a divorce was pending. Guess what? Like it or not, that happens about 70% of the time.

Our goal as dads long term is to get the system working in less of a sexually biased manner. And short term, help you figure out a strategy. To help you with your strategy, we'll need to deal with facts, not emotions. That doesn't mean the situation doesn't suck and you don't have a right to get pi$$ed. Simply state "Ranting here guys" or something when you need to, and we'll take it accordingly.

Now, on to helping your case.

You have gotten nailed by bad temp orders. And she's not carrying her share. You need to document that she's failing to pay her 25%. On what expenses? Can you produce a paper trail? Can you show (polite) email or letter correspondence that you are encouraging her to keep up with her ordered obligations? Are the orders clear on what she is to pay?

You also need to doc her earnings history. Are you pursuing a full financial discovery? Do you have access to your joint tax returns historically, and if not are you getting them through discovery or contact to the IRS?

What exactly is your attorney doing in discovery -- perhaps we can help suggest some other things to dig for.

When is mediation scheduled? Next hearings?

On the "everyone things you've gotten screwed" thing btw. You probably have gotten screwed. We got screwed too. Now, you can focus on that, or you can figure out how to box that off and maneuver yourself past it to win your case.

You've got two evenings a week and alternating weekends. What are you doing to show your parenting skills? Active as a Scout leader? Showing up at school to have lunch with your kids? School events? Gotten that CPR certification yet?

Seriously. Let go and focus. For your kids sake, who need a father who's involved and moving on.

I am trying not to be the negative one. I tell the kids I do not hate Mom, even if she hates me. I try to have them have fun with me and they do. They consider their time with Dad a respite.

I have full documentation. I pay 100% of the bills and have all the invoices and bills and a listing of payments I've made. I've contacted my lawyer to contact her to get her to pay and he has advised me to keep doing what I'm doing. We have a running tally of what she owes. The Court order is clear.

She got exclusive use of the house and I pay 100% of her bills. She is using the money I pay her to remodel the house - new furniture, new painting, new carpets - the works. I own the house too, and feel like I ought to have input on what she is doing to it.

I have always done our taxes and I have PDFs of all our returns going back years. I have supplied them to her attorneys too as part of their discovery.

Mediation is not scheduled. Next hearing is 11/20. I don't know what it is about. She is not interested in negotiation or compromise. This is really nothing new - it is her personality and she has always been this way. But in this divorce it makes everything impossible. Unless she gets her way, we have to have everything go through the lawyers. Several times she has taken the law into her own hands and left the lawyers to sort it out. She does what she wants and the law be damned if it is against her wishes. She operates in her own parallel legal system.

I am very active as a parent. I took the kids out on Halloween, I take them to Scout meetings, I run a Youth group at our Church, I take them for haircuts, I take them to golf lessons and golfing with them. There is a Scouting event and a religious event this weekend that they are signed up for but she is taking them out of state to celebrate her brother in laws birthday. I am actually extremely involved and do many more things with them than she could dream of doing. I organized their recent birthday parties, sent out invitations, contacted the parents, etc. for both kids. Over past Christmases I was the one who did the bulk of the buying and wrapping, took them to buy a Christmas tree and Santa. During the winter I take them skiing many weekends. I have been to the school open house, and took my son to school orientation. I have not shown up for school lunch as I work 1 hr away and it is difficult to get away from work even for my own quick lunch. I often eat at my desk. We often bike ride together but she has banned them from their bikes as she is afraid they will come over to my place. They are upset they can not bike ride anymore.

My older son wrote a letter and signed it to the GAL saying Mom hits him and is mean to him, curses at him, scares him and he wants help. I had no part in his writing the letter. He showed it to me and asked my opinion and asked me to mail it.

What else should I be doing or am overlooking?

Cool on taking it down a notch. I understand how consuming this whole process is, again, we've been there.

The big thing that jumps out right now is your not knowing what the purpose of a hearing is that's two weeks away. You are not expected to be an expert, but should be helping load your lawyer's magazines, building additional documentation, etc. That you don't know what the hearing is about means you can't be helping manage your case, providing ammo for the lawyer, etc.

You should familiarize yourself with whatever motions might be considered at that hearing, or if it is simply a status hearing, what to expect from that as well.

Help me. Please.

I have a Court conference scheduled for Friday. I went to the lawyer's office to find out what will happen and how to prepare. So he drops the bombshell on me that his partner has been suspended from the bar and has taken all the moneys in the firm. I have to find a new lawyer or go with the partner I met tonight who is still practicing law and who I've been working with. But whatever, I have to pay a new retainer. I am essentially starting all over.

I feel that I have a strong case, but it seems like forces beyond me are killing my case. My first lawyer told me nothing about what was happening or what to expect and I got kicked out of the house. I feel I was ambushed and should have been prepared for the first hearing. So I dismissed that firm.

Now my second lawyer is a crook and stole my money. I don't have endless money and was hard pressed to retain him, except he seemed to be a "father's lawyer" and advertised himself as such. I felt I needed and deserved better representation.

I don't know what to do. I am almost broke. My ex physically and emotionally abuses the kids, but now I can't fight for them or help them and they are depending on me. I am literally at the end of my rope.