Question: Is there a difference between holiday and year-round access? The modified papers says my husband has three weekends in a five-weekend month and two weekends in a four-weekend month but he cannot have three consecutive weekends in a month in year-round access. His ex says that means never. 

So even though he has Thanksgiving this year and the second half of Christmas break, she expects those holiday weekends to be his weekends. They have standard holidays in the final modification.

By Wednesday Martin

Author of Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do

When you think of holidays, you probably think of family.

And that's what makes holidays so tough for stepfamilies. At this time of year, couples in a remarriage with children might be feeling . . . imperfect. For example, they might be polarized -- he misses his kids, while she hopes they won't treat her like the maid when they show up. She wants to buy her 25-year old's plane ticket to come for a holiday visit -- he thinks she spoils her kids and young adults should pay their own way.

Even if they're on the same page about their step/kids, both members of the couple likely find themselves facing plenty of misunderstanding from friends and family as visions of sugarplums dance in our collective heads. "His kids won't be here for the holidays? How come?!" "I can't believe they're going to spend only Christmas Eve with you." "You're not doing holidays with his ex? How come? Isn't that the best thing for the kids?"

In the face of all the pressure and misunderstanding, take heart. Here are ten simple tips for stepfamily sanity this holiday season.

By Jennifer Paine

It was like something out of a movie. She snuck out of the house in the wee hours of the morning, no coat and no shoes, children’s Christmas presents stashed in a gym bag, tiptoeing and teetering between open spots on the lawn to avoid making footprints in the snow – to barter the gifts for her weekly cocaine fix. She was my client. Some lawyers will tell you good lawyers never ask witnesses questions unless they already know the answer, but those lawyers (a) have never been in court with difficult witnesses and/or (b) have never had a client like mine. She told me her husband pawned the presents to buy his girlfriend a bracelet. To my shock, pressured with the penalties of perjury and the presence of an elderly judge peering at her through wide-rimmed glasses (I wonder which was worse), in the witness box she tearfully confessed that she swapped the presents for drugs. The children would have no Christmas – and my client would have no holiday parenting time. Needless to say, we lost our motion to modify custody.

It is natural for parenting time problems to escalate during the holidays. With all the hustle and bustle of shopping, parties, trips to Grandma’s house, and so forth, things are bound to go awry. Schedules get shifted. Messages to notify your ex that you will be late picking up your children get missed. And we all get a little greedier with our time – what parent wouldn’t rather have his children spend those special days with him than with his ex? The problem is, those with custody cases must let their greed gave way to judges’ orders, and that can be difficult.

Just what are you to do, and what are you not to do?

By Len Stauffenger

Hanukkah, Christmas—the holidays are coming. You love those little rascals and you want to be with them; you want to share all the wonderful experiences the holidays promise. 

But you’re a divorced dad — or you are getting a divorce — and you don’t want to share them with your ex. What to do? 

Here are three rules that will help get you through the holidays:

By Corrine Bylund

Holidays are stressful.  Planning early can help ensure that everyone can continue to have memorable happy holidays, even in the midst of litigation.

First, some dos and don’ts for the holiday season:

• Do make the best of your time with your child.  Just because you might not have the exact date or hour that you wanted, doesn’t make your time with your child any less special. 

• Do encourage your child to enjoy the time they spend with your spouse or former spouse.  Your child will likely be upset that they aren’t spending time with both you and your spouse during the holidays.  Make separate holidays easier by letting your child know that it’s okay with you that they have a good time with their other parent. 

• Don’t disparage your spouse or your spouse’s family in front of your child.