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Question: I recently submitted a question about visitation, and the problems I had been having with my children not wanting to go. Just this last Tuesday, it was another visitation day with their mother. I once again had to force the children out the door, then watched them refuse time and time again to get in the car and go with her. After about 15 minutes, they both came marching back up to the door, and I opened it to tell them that they needed to go, and that they needed to spend time with their mother, which they refused to do, and then ran into the house. My wife signaled for me to come out to the car to her, which I did, and then began to accuse me of turning them against her, and feeding them lies and more information than I should, or than they needed to know. I have done neither of these things, and told her this. She has lied to the police, filed false police reports. Lied to the DCFS investigator, and been caught doing so, and lied to the girls, and accused them of being liars as well. I explained to her these things in the driveway, and then asked her why they maybe didn't want to go with her, when they have never been apologized to, or she has never admitted any fault or wrong doing to them? She then asked me if we could talk in the car and work some things out, to which I agreed, reluctantly. We sat and talked, cried, and she confessed her soul to me about how she was at fault, and had made a mistake in filing for divorce, and wanted to go to counseling together and try to work things out? I am so lost right now. Is this a trick, can I trust her, or give her the benefit of the doubt? She has reeled me in like this before throughout our marriage, and I have always fallen for it, and then been shut down again. But the difference this time is that I'm not to blame, she is taking the blame on herself, which she has never done before? She has always blamed everyone else for her problems, and never accepted any of it. Do I consult with my attorney on this, or what? I told her that I would have to think about it, and that I would let her know, but that I didn't want to get back together with her because I can't trust her, and would have a hard, and long time getting to that point. I did tell her that I would be willing to work through some of the problems that we have had, so that we could at least part as friends, and make things better for our children. Did I go to far, why is this sudden change of heart so hard to understand? Has this happened to others, and what do you do, when in my heart I want her back, but because I have been burned so many times before, my brain and better judgement says HELL NO! Answer: I will not say that I have witnessed a great success rate with people that get divorced and then remarry, but there have been a few couples that have made the transition. It takes very emotionally mature people to look forward and not backward. You know your ex-wife. It is not my place nor would I presume to say that to reconcile with your ex-wife is a bad idea or a good idea. I would suggest that you do not rush into anything. Bringing the children's mother back into the home quickly for example could be very damaging to the children. If you would subsequently break off the relationship the children would be hurt even more. If you believe there is a possibility of a future together begin counseling and after a period of time if the family counselor recommends the action bring the children into the sessions. If they are of teen years listen to their opinion on the subject through the counselor. Finally, I would suggest that you speak with your attorney and strongly consider a pre-nuptial agreement (custody, support, property) should the relationship move back to a marital union.
Question: My wife and I were married 7 years and have three young children ages 2 to 6. She found out that I look at pornography and because of that she kicked me out. We divorced in CA last year and I now live in UT while she lives in ID. I drive 3 hours each way to visit my kids when she says it's okay. She has sole custody because I wanted to be compliant with all of her needs to make the divorce smoother. She won't let me see my kids without her supervision because she knows I look at pornography. I now want joint legal custody but she's threatening to tell the judge that I look at porn as a reason why I shouldn't be alone with my children. Other than that, there's no reason why I shouldn't be with them. Do I have any chance in winning joint custody? Answer: Allow me to preface my answer to your question with the fact that I am not licensed to practice law in Utah or California. Generally there is no requirement that a person who views porn would have to have supervised custody only. I suggest that you Petition to Modify. In the event that there is a concern of the porn in front of the court, then you can agree to a permanent injunction that says that neither of you are supposed view porn when the children are in the home, as that is the main concern that the children will be exposed to it.
Question: I am paying child support to my x. He raised child support above what I was making and could not afford it thus causing garnishment of wages, which was fine. But then I lost my job a year ago at no fault of my own and there are no comparable jobs. I now work for just over a third of what I used to make at half the hours. He still is garnishing me for the full amount which he knows I don't make. He has not let me see my kids but one summer since the divorce and it was for about 4 weeks if that. I had to work a second job to afford to see them because I was required to travel to pick them up and travel to return them. I live 2,500 miles away. He also does not let them call me unless I call them first. When they do call it's because he wants some more money and then he lets them talk for 5 to 15 min each tops, even though they want to talk more. Their ages are 13, 11, 9, 7 and none of them want to live with him. When I divorced him I didnt have a very good lawyer because I didnt know what I was doing. and I got walked over on it. And I didn't have the money like he does. He brings in near 4,000 a month net pay. His new wife also is going through mental abuse issues with him such as I had. When we were divorced a restraining order was placed on him for violent and abusive behavior which was later dismissed at my permission. I want to know what legal rights I have to get custody. If I pay child support I should have visitation and 4 weeks out of the last 6 years is not sufficient per the agreement. We have joint custody him being custodial. Answer: I can not answer your question specifically to the laws of Utah as I am not lisenced in that State. In most jurisdictions, a failure to pay child support does not allow the other parent to deny you visitation. It is unclear if you have specific court order for the amount of visitation. If you do not have specific times for visitation, I suggest that you file a Motion to Modify the visitation schedule. You can also ask the court to set a telephone contact schedule if that has been a problem. If you have a specific schedule and you are being denied that custody time, file a motion to enforce the order of visitation. This would be a Motion for Contempt or Motion for Family Access. The court may order additional time with the children to make up the time that has been missed. Further, if you have had a significant reduction of income and the reduction was involuntary, you should file a Motion to Modify the child support amount. The standard for a Modification of Custody (as compared to modifying visitation only) is often very high. The Motion to Modify custody is very fact driven and there really is not sufficient facts prensented to provide a full accessment of your case. Your oldest child (perhaps the oldest two chldren) is probably old enough to express his/her wishes with regard to custody. However, the child's wishes are really only one factor. The fact that the step mother has a mental disorder could be helpful if the disorder affects the children. Finally, the fact that you have been denied custody would be a factor in your favor. However, the fact that the children have been in his custody and this proposed change would be very significant considering the distance that you would relocate the children are substantial hurdles to overcome. One final note, if you are behind a lot of money in child support, you need to be aware that most states have criminal nonsupport provisions that make it a felony if you exceed a specific amount of child support arrears.
Question: I currently have Joint custody of my 12 year old son. My child support is nominal $156 a month. It is the first order and only time we have been to court. She has never taken me back to court probably because she would be afraid of losing. She has a problem with drugs; Meth to be exact. She just got through serving 2 months in jail for meth related charges and she has to take random drug testing in a program called Drug Court. I was going to take her to court when she was incarcerated but could not because I think she would have flipped out and probably cause her to be evaluated in jail. My son likes staying with me although are custody is joint. I have him 5 night a week because I am worried about his school attendance. She has agreed to this but she will not do anything to change custody pmts other then welfare. This is her only source of income. My son says he wants to stay with me most of the time and stay with her on weekends. The things she may have on me is 1) a charge of domestic violence in which I plead no contest; this was approximately 2 years ago. 2) I work a night shift which I don
Question: My ex-wife asked me in the beginning of summer 2006, approximately May, to take my daughter to live with me, as my daughter was failing academically, behaviorally, and causing much grief in her mother
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