DadsDivorce.com provides essential information and resources about divorce, alimony, child support and child custody to men and fathers at any stage of divorce.

Question:

My wife wants the divorce and I do not although it certainly has not been a picnic living with her anymore. We have three boys, ages nine to fourteen. Financially, we are very strapped for cash (near bankruptcy) since she has run us into debt with a home remodeling that went 100% over budget. I am the only worker in the household, and she has been a stay-at-home mom for the last sixteen years.

I realize that I am going to be royally screwed in this divorce since she has been in charge of our finances for all these years. I am going to be saddled with "our" debts in addition to child support. Is it better for me to divorce quickly or to work and pay off the debts before officially splitting? Do I use my 401K money to pare down the debt or am I hurting myself even more?

Question:

I am in a pending divorce because my ex was having an affair.  I don’t want the divorce, but feel I will lose custody of my son if I don’t file first. Our court date is set for September 24th 2009. The temporary custody orders gave us joint physical custody with my ex being primary and myself secondary. I currently pay my ex child support although she refuses to work.

I moved thirty miles away to Fort Smith, Arkansas, in the hopes of stopping our arguing in front of our three year old son. I have an apartment, car and new job, and have seen my son at least 48 hours weekly.  She’s living in her mother’s house which was just sold on Monday, and now my ex has about seven weeks to find a new home. I feel terrible about this, but also think I would lose everything that I’ve gained by leaving her if I cancel the divorce at this point.

Further, I’ve asked for sole custody of our son because her past shows that she has been and is still currently unstable. She at one point stated that she wanted to work on our marriage and end the divorce, but I’ve since realized it was a play in the hopes of getting me to help her gain more stability in her life.  She refuses to move in with me now, and won’t talk about our marriage without getting angry and arguing with me.

Do you have any advice for me?