Can I get in trouble if the children don't want to visit?

Question: I have custody of my two children. They are 16 and 12, they do not wish to go and visit their mother. The divorce was final in 1993. The children are being forced by the court to visit with their mother. I am being told I am in contempt for not following court orders, but those orders are conflicting with what my children feel and want. Who is right here?

Answer: Generally the rule in many states with regard to a 16 year old is that you are not in contempt of court for not FORCING a child of that age from carrying out visitation that he or she (the child) is dead set against. However, you will be in contempt of court if you, yourself, either interfere with the visitation, try to convince the child not to go, or even fail to actively encourage the child to go. Thus, your job is to try to talk the child into going, to make the child available for visitation when the order states, and in general to try to encourage visitation, but not to drag the child, kicking and screaming, to go to visitation. Two caveats: one, this rule only applies to older teenagers (so it may not apply as strongly to your 12 year old), and two, this is a VERY GENERAL statement of the majority rule of law, and is not necessarily what all judges in all states will do. However, I would think you'd have at least some defense to a contempt motion, at least with regard to the 16 year old, if you can say you did everything short of holding a gun to his/her head to tell him/her to go, and the child simply and utterly refuses. It would be even a better defense to a contempt motion if the child got up on the stand and testified that you told him/her to go, that you did not interfere and encouraged the child to go, and it was the child's own independent decision not to visit. Again, this probably won't work so well with the 12 year old, however.

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