What if we were never married?

Question: What recourse do I have to collect monies from my son's mother? My thirteen-year-old son has been in my physical custody since his mother left us thirteen years ago. He was 9 months old. At the time she wanted to take him, but I suggested that (with her history of drug use and mental illness), she would be likely to lose a custody battle. She backed off and let me raise him, but showed no interest in visitation for nearly three years.
When I became involved, 10 years ago, with the woman who has been my wife for five years. She suddenly felt the need to reconnect with him. He didn't even know her when she showed up. It broke my heart to make him go with her, but I did. I have never said a harsh word about her to my son. I have always been grateful to have had him in my home and with me his entire life.
My problem is, now that he is a teenager, he sees the differences in parenting that my wife and I offer, and what his mother does not. He doesn't really want to go to her home, and still it breaks my heart to have to make him go. She has not contributed a nickel to his support for fourteen years. He was not expensive to raise for the first 12 years. Now he needs braces, grows out of his clothes in four months, eats like a mule-skinner and I cannot afford to provide him with health insurance.
Is there a way to make my physical custody legal?
Can I get child support?
Does trying these things put me at risk of losing physical custody of my son? Does he have any say in his visitation? He usually spends 24 hours a week at her house(Friday afternoon until Saturday afternoon) She is not usually there. She leaves him with his two half-siblings (Ages 16 and 8)at her house while she goes out with her live-in boyfriend. He spends a good deal of his time there doing chores. I understand he doesn't like chores, but I feel that his mother uses him for these purposes and has no real bond with him,he has expressed to me that he feels this way as well. Advise me please.

Answer: First let me advise you that I am not licensed in Kansas. Paternity laws vary from state to state so it is important that you also seek the advice of an attorney in your state.

When children are born out of wedlock, the mother usually has legal custody under the law. As father you have the right to ask for custody and support from mother but you need to legally establish those rights in a court of law. Since you have been the primary caregiver, you should have little difficulty receiving custody. Mother will likely receive visitation rights and be ordered to pay support depending on her economic circumstances. Before proceeding I strongly encourage you to consult with an attorney. It is important to know all the potential consequences of filing the paternity action.

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