I recently submitted a question about visitation, and the problems I had been having with my children not wanting to go. Just this last Tuesday, it was another visitation day with their mother. I once again had to force the children out the door, then watched them refuse time and time again to get in the car and go with her. After about 15 minutes, they both came marching back up to the door, and I opened it to tell them that they needed to go, and that they needed to spend time with their mother, which they refused to do, and then ran into the house. My wife signaled for me to come out to the car to her, which I did, and then began to accuse me of turning them against her, and feeding them lies and more information than I should, or than they needed to know. I have done neither of these things, and told her this. She has lied to the police, filed false police reports. Lied to the DCFS investigator, and been caught doing so, and lied to the girls, and accused them of being liars as well. I explained to her these things in the driveway, and then asked her why they maybe didn't want to go with her, when they have never been apologized to, or she has never admitted any fault or wrong doing to them? She then asked me if we could talk in the car and work some things out, to which I agreed, reluctantly. We sat and talked, cried, and she confessed her soul to me about how she was at fault, and had made a mistake in filing for divorce, and wanted to go to counseling together and try to work things out? I am so lost right now. Is this a trick, can I trust her, or give her the benefit of the doubt? She has reeled me in like this before throughout our marriage, and I have always fallen for it, and then been shut down again. But the difference this time is that I'm not to blame, she is taking the blame on herself, which she has never done before? She has always blamed everyone else for her problems, and never accepted any of it. Do I consult with my attorney on this, or what? I told her that I would have to think about it, and that I would let her know, but that I didn't want to get back together with her because I can't trust her, and would have a hard, and long time getting to that point. I did tell her that I would be willing to work through some of the problems that we have had, so that we could at least part as friends, and make things better for our children. Did I go to far, why is this sudden change of heart so hard to understand? Has this happened to others, and what do you do, when in my heart I want her back, but because I have been burned so many times before, my brain and better judgement says HELL NO!
I will not say that I have witnessed a great success rate with people that get divorced and then remarry, but there have been a few couples that have made the transition. It takes very emotionally mature people to look forward and not backward. You know your ex-wife. It is not my place nor would I presume to say that to reconcile with your ex-wife is a bad idea or a good idea. I would suggest that you do not rush into anything. Bringing the children's mother back into the home quickly for example could be very damaging to the children. If you would subsequently break off the relationship the children would be hurt even more. If you believe there is a possibility of a future together begin counseling and after a period of time if the family counselor recommends the action bring the children into the sessions. If they are of teen years listen to their opinion on the subject through the counselor. Finally, I would suggest that you speak with your attorney and strongly consider a pre-nuptial agreement (custody, support, property) should the relationship move back to a marital union.