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Divorce Advice for Men | Fathers' Rights Divorce | Child Custody

Providing men with essential divorce advice, fathers' rights divorce information and child custody articles. Dads Divorce is a community for men facing divorce or fathers' rights issues and run by Cordell and Cordell. Cordell & Cordell is a family law firm with a focus on men's divorce, child custody and fathers' rights divorce.
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By William Halaz, III

Attorney, Cordell & Cordell, P.C.

For many single parents, the summer means extended visitation with their children. Often parents who only see their sons or daughters once a week and every other weekend are now able to spend two, four or even six weeks at a time with their kids. There are vacations to the beach, the lake, or in the recent economic climate the increasingly popular “stay-cation.”

This time can be the most useful time to continue developing a relationship with your kids, but it also comes at a price. Vacations aren’t cheap, and even if you simply relax in the comforts of your own home, the sudden onslaught of a teenage appetite on your pantry can be significant to say the least. There’s now another mouth to feed, another person using the utilities, and the expense of running your child all around town. You have budgeted around your child support payments for the whole year, and now it seems like you are paying double. Is there any remedy for your added efforts and expenses?

Unfortunately for most parents it is unlikely, but there are some ways to ensure you’re not paying double during the summer months.

If you live in Missouri or another state which uses a similar system, your child support was likely based in part on something called a Form 14. One section of the Form 14 takes into account visitation credits. This reduces the amount of support you pay throughout the year based on the number of overnight visits you will amass in a twelve-month period. When calculating this amount, it is important that your attorney take into account the extended periods of visitation over the summer. Let’s look at an example of how this might play out:

Joe was divorced this past fall. Due to Joe’s work schedule though, he was unable to have overnight visitation for more than every Wednesday and two nights every other weekend. Joe’s attorney correctly calculates that under this schedule, Joe will amass 104 overnight visits. Every summer though, Joe takes a two-week vacation to go camping and fishing with his children. All things being equal, Joe now has 114 overnight visits. Although this may seem like a minor difference, according to Missouri’s Form 14, it’s the difference between a 10% visitation credit and a 21% visitation credit.

The theory behind visitation credits is that instead of giving your ex money to reimburse them for the expense of taking care of the child, you are now the one spending the money to care for your kids. It is for this reason that child support does not abate, or stop, while you have these extended periods of visitation.

Child support may abate during a summer custody period, however, if the visitation was not awarded in the parenting plan. For instance:

Fifteen years ago, Robert and Deborah had a child together in Missouri. At the time of the custody battle, Robert was also battling a drug addiction. Consequently Martha was awarded sole legal and physical custody. Over time, Robert conquered his addiction and Martha began allowing their son, Sam, to visit him. This year, Martha has agreed to allow Sam to use a month of his summer vacation to have an extended visit with his father. Robert now may have an argument for abatement of child support during this summer period.

Under RSMO 452.340.2, the obligation of a parent ordered to pay support shall abate, in whole or in part, during a time period longer than 30 consecutive days that the other parent voluntarily relinquishes physical custody of the child to the paying parent, notwithstanding any periods of visitation or custody pursuant to a judgment or modification.

As you can tell from the statute, this applies to very specific instances. First, you must have custody for at least 31 consecutive days. Although many of you who read this may think this is an impossibility it may be relatively easy compared to the second element; these days cannot include days that you were awarded in your judgment. Therefore, if you have been awarded six weeks of visitation over the summer, the fact that you exercise that visitation consecutively will not stop your child support payments.

Even if you haven’t been awarded such a length of time in your judgment, but you were awarded at least one day per month and it is always on the first (choose your day) of the month, this law will likely not apply. If, however, you think this law, or one similar to it in your State, may apply, you should speak with your attorney to determine whether this law applies to you and how you can have you payments stopped or withheld during this time prior withholding payment on your own.

 

William Halaz, III is a Staff Attorney in the Arnold, Missouri office of Cordell & Cordell, P.C. Mr. Halaz is licensed to practice in the state of Missouri. Mr. Halaz received his bachelor's degree in Political Science from Southeast Missouri State University. Then continuing his education, received his Juris Doctor from St. Louis University’s School of Law.


Comments (45)Add Comment
summer support, Low-rated comment [Show]
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Summer Support
written by Ashley, November 07, 2011
Why should the mom get support when she doesn't have her child? Its like she's being paid not to have her child. The other thing that's wrong with child support is that it rarely goes to the child. I know that my husband's ex-wife used her daughter's child support for a tummy tuck and a quad. How is that fair?
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written by Debbie G, February 27, 2012
I agree with Summer support. We had my stepdaughter for a 1 week vacation and still paid her mother. The week prior to that she sent her daughter to her parents (grandparents) for a week. Again we paid her. She then had the nerve to ask for the amount equal to what we normally give her in order to pay half of them amount needed for basketball camp. So what did she do with the 2 weeks of child support money we paid her. She didn't have her to "support".
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Unfair
written by Andrea, April 10, 2012
My husband pays over $700 a month for one child in support.
I really dont feel that the mother should get the support if the child is with us for the summer... In fact I think she should be paying us the same amount during the stay with us so its compensated equally when hes with us to get all he needs the same with her...
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written by anonymous, May 26, 2012
child support isnt fair by no means for a father that helps support his kids. I think that it was created for those no good dads that never see their kids. it is also part of the government so you know that it sucks and is unfair.
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Really
written by Reasonable Mom, June 01, 2012
Yes, I expect my ex to continue support payments.

1. The amount he past during the rest of the year is definitely NOT even close of half of what it takes to take care of our son for the rest of the year.

2. I buy 95% of all his clothes, including the ones that go to his dad's house.

3. I pay for his health insurance (over $100/month). His dad for the dental insurance (a couple bucks a month)

4. I pay all his Doctor bills ($20 every office visit, $50 for ER or urgent care, whatever the insurance doesn't cover for tests, x-rays, etc). His dad pays his dental bills (about $50 every 6 months, never had a procedure that wasn't covered by insurance)

5. I buy all his school supplies. I home-schooled him for 6 years, and paid for everything. Now that he is enrolled in school, I still pay for all his school supplies.

6. I pay for workshops, camps, lessons, supplies for those classes, camps, and workshops.

7. I make less than $15k a year. He pays less than $500 a month. Yeah I expect him to keep paying in the summer, even though he has his almost half the time.

8. 95% of my pay goes to my son. I get things for myself very rarely, and most of the things I ever have are gifts or "hand me downs" from my parents or other relatives and friends.

Rarely does CS *actually* cover half of a child's expenses. The vast majority of single mom's do not and cannot live off of the CS payments, and are certainly not getting rich on that piddling amount.
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Child Support does not alleviate the non-payer's responsibility in supporting the child
written by Missy, June 03, 2012
The idea of child support is to ensure that noth parents are equally contributing to the child's welfare. It does not mean that the payer (most often times father) is responsible for all the child's bills. My husband has two children from a previous marriage, of which he pays $1200 a month. In addition, their mom is responsible for providing the other $1200 to help support them (my husband and his ex have nearly the same salaries). There is no way that both children will live in our home for 3 months during the summer and we still be required to contribute $3600 to her household in which they would currently not be residing.

Now, it may be reaching a bit to ask HER to give US $1200/mo in child support while we keep the kids for the summer....but we won't go there. It's kind of distasteful to even suggest it, but the idea itself isn't unreasonable. Having said that, I affirm we will not be housing the children while paying someone else to support them.
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written by Greg Mund, June 09, 2012
@Reasonable mom Child support is not mommy support. Get a better paying job. He is supporting his kid, not you too.
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written by anonymous, June 21, 2012
It's funny how the payer's salary is scrutinized over by lawyers to figure the amount to be paid, and even looked upon as 'normal'. But when they payer asks the payee for a breakdown of what the money is being used for, it's an 'outrageous request'
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written by Concerned Dad, July 03, 2012
All comments are valid thereby causing me me to continously ask, "Why are we dads second class parents, especially when we contribute the same. The court system has or is overstepping just judicial law by providing sexist opinions that sides with the mother. Child support is for the child, yet when I have my daughter for the summer, I take her the doctor because of health issues eventhough it is the mother's job; I have to feed my daughter along with my other kids; and I have to provide for her even though the money goes to her mother. So what I gather the courts are saying is HAVE YOUR CHILD, AND FEED HER IN THE SUMMER AND THAT IS IT!!! How do we change this concept to benefit the child and not the parent. We involved dads should not be victimized by the court system
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written by Casey, July 16, 2012
There is nothing more irritating than women who come on these boards complaining about their husbands/boyfriends having to pay child support. First off, why is it that the non-custodial parents seem to look for every out possible when supporting their kids. What you fail to realize is that unless you have been a single parent, you are not knowledgeable to speak on the topic so BUTT OUT! We pay for shelter, food, clothes, medical, school fees/supplies/trips, daycare, and all the extras. As far as I'm concerned these men should be required to pay half of every expense and if they don't want to be then they shouldn't have procreated in the first place! Just because you see your kid a few weeks out of the month doesn't mean all those bills disappear and considering child support hardly covers perhaps 30% of what we shell out combined with the 24-7 care we provide while you do whatever you please- Seriously, STOP complaining about how unfair it is
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THE REAL TRUTH
written by THE TRUTH, July 19, 2012
I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY FEMALES COMPLAIN ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT WHEN MORE THAN HALF OF THE "SINGLE FEMALE PARENTS" RECIEVE GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE. SO WHAT IS THE C.S. REALLY PAYING FOR WHEN YOU'RE GETTING FREE DAY CARE, FOOD STAMPS, POSSIBLE HOUSING ASSISTANCE. ALSO IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, EVEN IF THE MOTHER DIDN'T HAVE A CHILD SHE WOULD STILL PAY AROUND THE SAME AMMOUNT FOR HER OWN NEEDS.SHE WOULD HAVE TO PAY RENT, CAR NOTE, INSURANCE, ELECTRIC BILL, WATER BILL, GROCERIES, AND SO ON WITH OR WITHOUT A CHILD. SO BASICALLY A WOMAN WHO IS GETYTING C.S. IS MAKING THE C.S. AND GOVERNMENT TAKE CARE OF THEM NOT THE CHILD.
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Both Sides
written by JoAnna, August 01, 2012
I am familiar with both sides of this battle... My husband and I have a blended family.. I receive support for my 2 older kids and my husband pays support for his oldest son. Neither of our ex's live in the same city as us. My kids don't see their Dad on a regular basis, my stepson stays with us every other weekend and part of Christmas break during the school monthes and then 6 weeks in the summer. My husband pays $350 a month in child support, and it really is hard during the summer when he still pays $350 each month to his ex an then pays to support him at our house when he's here. It's another mouth to feed and he wants his Dad to buy him things and give him spending money while he's here! Part of my child support ends up going to support him as well and that's not fair!
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Both Sides
written by JoAnna, August 01, 2012
I am familiar with both sides of this battle... My husband and I have a blended family.. I receive support for my 2 older kids and my husband pays support for his oldest son. Neither of our ex's live in the same city as us. My kids don't see their Dad on a regular basis, my stepson stays with us every other weekend and part of Christmas break during the school monthes and then 6 weeks in the summer. My husband pays $350 a month in child support, and it really is hard during the summer when he still pays $350 each month to his ex an then pays to support him at our house when he's here. It's another mouth to feed and he wants his Dad to buy him things and give him spending money while he's here! Part of my child support ends up going to support him as well and that's not fair!
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CHILD SUPPORT
written by Juan, October 26, 2012
I agree on child support especially when dealing with fathers that do not pay support or try to be in their children's lives. But, for those of us who pay for support shouldn't have to pay during the summer if they are with us.

1. I pay support $1200 monthly
2. I pay health, dental and eye vision and anything that goes above the insurance I presently have for them.
3. I send her additional money in August every year for clothes and supplies prior to school starting.
4. I pay for any sports and anything in conjunction to the sports.

Now throw in birthdays, christmas and special occasions (i.e. receiving awards for school and such) for three children..... No she should pay me for the two months I have them in the summer. That doesn't include her calling me to get additional money for emergency stuff "for the kids". I don't even think they know I provide for them.
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Support Payments during visitation
written by Kevin, February 12, 2013
I cant speak for everyone but in my specific situation my ex wife moved to Texas and I live in North Carolina. It was her decision to relocate after the divorce. I pay $650 a month in support and I am glad to support my daughter. However, My Ex is not using the $650 for support and her support contributions are not equal to mine. They live with her parents who are well off and pay the majority of the daily living costs for my daughter.

The fact that they pay the majority of the day to day costs is not what bothers me though. I pay for all of the transportation costs to and from Texas on average 6 times a year, additional visits where I fly to Texas, vacation costs etc. I do not feel like I should be responsible for financing her while my daughter is with me.

When it comes to reevaluation of support payments... Mothers, you are required to disclose your income as well. I am so tired of being expected to produce all of my documents when my ex complains about producing hers in fear that she may lose some support. The road goes both ways here; if you make more money you pay more support; when my income goes up you expect the same thing; and when my income went down i was expected to continue with the same rate, her income went down and i was expected to pay more. How is this thought process generated

My biggest issue is that I want to see my daughter as much as possible. I would have her with me everyday forever if i could. Why though do mothers feel like it is their prerogative to say that I shouldn't be able to visit my daughter as much as I want or is possible. I believe it is bad parenting to limit visitation to a good father. especially one who is paying over $10000 a year in travel costs alone. If you combine my child support, travel, vacation costs, mailing gifts etc this adds up very fast. I spent over $20000 last year in supporting my daughter. But as it is par for good fathers the ex complains about visitation, what time the flights are, amount of support and believe it or not she even got mad when I gave her 5 months notice to take my daughter to universal studios and even more upset when i told her i am taking her to Disney. I would expect most parents to be happy that a child gets to do so much at no expense to them-self
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I handle my business!
written by Chazz, March 05, 2013
I pay support every month and have been for over 9 years. My daughter comes every summer and either i go there or she comes here during the Christmas break for 2 weeks, because it's her birthday month and the next year is her mom's court ordered Christmas break time period. Yet i still spent time with my daughter in December during her birthday even if it's her mothers year. I live in Denver Co., they in Peoria Il. I send cash when my daughter needs it, i pay for her cell phone to keep in touch. She gets presents during Christmas,Birthdays, and sometimes Valentine and Easter. I feel that the summer Child Support payments should stop because i have the short end of the stick. I never see her attend school, I don't know her friends or watch her in any activities that her mother takes for granted that i don't need those rights, and how this makes me feel as a parent who cares. I barely see my daughter as it is and 9 months is a long time to miss a person and then when you do see them they seem to think it's summer camp and you should keep them busy the whole visit, which cost money to do things during the week and every weekend. I ask my daughter what would you be doing if you were back in IL. and she says watching tv. Well in Colorado thats not good enough for her, she says I'm on vacation it's summer. I tell her i still have to go to work and plus it cost a lot of money to get her to Denver and get her bach to IL, not to mention, daycare cost for 2 months and 2 weeks. I constanly fight with her mom about her spending a school year in Denver with me, so i can see what it's like to have her share my life and me share her life for a time period that is meaningfull to both of us and she refuses to share " Qoute un Quote her Daughter for 9 months and she take a summer her and their. I have raised my other children, who love their sister dearly, yet her mother thinks she runs the show and i'm just a character on her stage, buy the way an unpaid actor...lol. Let share our child when it counts the most, not when she becomes a hand full and then, " Go to your Dads i can't handle you any more. Well who wants a person in their life that is a problem. If the custodial parent doesn't, what makes you think the non-custodial parent what that challenge 16 years later after the two Father and daughter only knew each other a few months out of they year. If I can't share in her character building now, how can i wipe away her habits you as the custodial parent were responsible for during those early immpressionable years that you refused to share with me when i begged for your support as a caring Father. So for those women out there that feel we men should just give up the cash you say barely pays the cost of providing for a child. Well i say let us Fathers share equal time, that should soften your financial burden and trust me you still will have to put a roof over your head 9 months out of the year, with or without " My daughter ", just as i have to keep a roof over my head for my " Daughter " 3 months out of the year. As far as school activities etc., we both know that the money being paid to you more than covers all that and then some. You tell me what things can my daughter spend " XYZ " amount each month on, she has no control. I mean every month for 12 months out of a year? trust me I raised 4 children prior to this one and i know what i'm talking about. I also know what my ex spends my child suport money on, it's not all my child, seeing that she never seems to have new clothes until 2 weks before she come to see me in Denver. I would call that, don't let daddy see that you don't have the proper clothing for all the money being spent all year round. To me the women should have reciepts for the money being given to them freely from my pocket by our court system with no accountabilty, not even during tax time. We as fathers on the other hand get hammered during the year and at the end by our Judicial system and the Government Tax axe!

Chazz!
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quit whining non custodial support payers!!!
written by ms_integrity, March 23, 2013
My ex is constantly complaining about our son needing anything. Instead of writing a check to me he just gives our son spending money on occasion, reserving the right to pick and choose when. I live on a fixed salary, and my son is very active in school and after school activities. I spend a great deal of money every month on these activities, I pay 100% of the orthodontist, dentist and doctor bills, all medicine too. School lunches, supplies, clothes and everything else you can imagine. It is no help to me, that my ex gives my son money he is going to blow on 'nothing' while I still struggle to support him and all his commitments. Non custodial parents...be glad you aren't made to pay for the time we invest in our children every day of their lives. Consider yourself lucky that the hardest thing you do..is write a check at the same time you have the child?
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CHILD support
written by Chris, April 30, 2013
I'm a VERY involved father and non-custodial parent. I have "extended" visitations, which means that I always have my girls overnight and Thurs through Mon for my weekends. I also pay for ALL of their insurance and half of any medical expenses. I pay over $800 a month in child support and it's bad enough that I get shafted when it comes to claiming them at tax time...but it's even more insulting that I should pay their mother CHILD support when I have them for extended periods of time.
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written by Katy, May 01, 2013
Why should my husband have to pay extra in the summer when we have his child? We are the ones that have to pay for food to feed the child and daycare when we are at work. The mother won’t have those expenses during that time. Not that my husband’s ex pays them the rest of the year anyway. The state pays for her house, cable, medical expenses, daycare expenses, and she gets food stamps. And when her car broke down her mom bought her a new one. Why should the father have to pay for everything while the mother refuses to get a job and stays home all day watching free cable? I might feel different about the mother if she wasn’t constantly changing the pickup times and weekends to accommodate her party schedule, or actually tried to support her child herself.

I feel the mother should have to produce an expense report every year for the child support she receives. We buy the child nice clothes, and toys, healthy food and everything else she needs. When she comes to our house she wears ratty clothes that have holes or are dirty. But because the mother gets child support she has the money to buy a laptop, new cell phones, an Ipad and expensive name brand clothes for herself. Not to mention all the money she spends on gas driving back and forth to party with her friends, every other weekend.
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Maxsolutions!!!
written by Carmen smith, May 30, 2013
custodial parent maintains a lease and pays electric, gas, phone, cable, etc. This is also for the child during the year-round custody. The custodial parent can not simply say to the landlord, "sorry, I will pay you less for this two bedroom apartment, I only need one bedroom. The custodial parent (Cus par) cannot tell the telephone people, "she will only be calling me so please reduce my rate. The electric and water still have to be on, and yes, they should slow down, but the base rate still must be paid.

I personally suffered from a cad who cheated on me several times, ran off with a women and left me with every bill to pay that we BOTH had acquired and my daughter and I saw him on facebook on vacations to Florida twice, "having a good time with my best love." We used a $20 wading pool to cool off when temperatures were 86 + in our house. for six months he paid nothing, then secretly sold our recreational vehicle and used 1/3 of the money to send me "past child support" - though it was really a portion of my share of the recreational vehicle that he was told by the court not to sell.

The girlfriend let him move in with her and he has been going to school ever since, living off her. He was making $7-9,000 per month but to reduce child support payments he stopped working. The court ruled he was purposely unemployed.

When he finally started paying child support he is behind by $11,000 and he pays me so late that it can not be used for the month it is intended.

By the way, did I tell you he is a veteran with disability? Injured himself taking trash to a dumpster. Yes, he snagged himself on a small piece of metal, no bigger than a nickel scar. He receives over $3,000 per month. I make $2,083. I gave up my career to move with him in the military. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now we suffer.
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written by Jane, June 08, 2013
This issue came up when my daughter started elementary school. Her father felt that since she was in school and daycare would not cost as much that the support should be lowered. He had also suggested in the past that he should just pay the daycare directly instead of sending it to me. In his mind the only expense I had for my daughter was her daycare because I was receiving hand me down clothes for her from a friend. I do not feel that anyone should have to submit a rationalization for support, the court sets it, it is what it is, accept it and move on with life is how I feel about it. HOWEVER, I showed him what it would cost for me to live on my own, with a boyfriend in his house, in a cheap studio apartment, in a cheap one bedroom apartment. He and I both agreed that none of these were acceptable places for his daughter to live. We both wanted her to have her own room in a house in a good school district. So, we did the math on that, no daycare even factored in. What he pays in child support does not even come close to half of what it costs for me to keep our daughter in the lifestyle we both want her to have. He has since never questioned having to pay over the summer when he has her for a few weeks or anything else because he realizes I still have to pay rent for the house, the extra utilities, etc. for her even if she is not here. I also save the extra money over the summer from not having to pay for child are to pay for the child care deposits, school supplies, and other once a year expenses. I think if everyone viewed these issues in a mind set of what is best for the child there would be a lot less fighting.
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blow up the system and start anew
written by Greg, June 25, 2013
The whole system needs to be revamped. If the family courts have the best interest of the child at heart then joint custody should always be the aim unless one parent is proven to irresponsible. A child is born of a mother and father so why does the mother typically get the child. Kids are treated as pawns by the system. If both parents want equal time with the child and they close to one another to where it does not bother the schooling of the kid then it should be granted as such. When a woman goes into court and ask for sole custody and the father is willing and able to be a joint parent then that should automatically raise a flag to the court. Sadly it doesn't and a great percentage of the time she gets it. The system has never had the best interest of the child in mind. They just want to drag the matter out in court making sure their peers (the lawyers) are paid handsomely for nothing. Proven facts are proven facts no matter who tells them but you fathers try going into court without an attorney. the key word here is "PROVEN". Blow the system up and start all over but, this time have the best interest of the child at heart. Not punishing good dads for the errors of bad ones. Wait....that would mean that the judge would actually have to do their job. Laughable at the very least! Maybe we should try this: Have the judge bring the kids into the court room and tell them to their face why dad can only see them thus-and-so days. Mom sure as heck is not gonna say it is because of her. So that leaves us to appear to be the bad guy. A failed relationship and child rearing are two different things. Let's start treating them as such.
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I'll take my kid any day of the week
written by The willing dad, June 25, 2013
So you say CS doesn't cover your bills or expenses? Well I gave my ex-wife an opportunity to get herself out of debt by allowing me to have custody of my child while she gets back on her feet. She says my CS doesn't cover crap, well okay then. Lets let me have a crack at it. What was her response? F*ck that! I have only missed one payment in 4 years. I give her extra money when shes broke for gas and groceries and I also give her money for clothes. I pay for medical, dental and vision insurance. Why in the hell should I pay CS when my kid is in my house? My bills just don't go away. The system is flawed.
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written by One mad mom, June 28, 2013
I find it beguiling that as a mother of two awesome kiddos and my x dutifully fulfilling his obligation, and we hardly have issues, and my husband and his x battle constantly. This kid is here half the time, one while month in summer, we get her for two hours on her birthday, and her mom limits availability and deliberately schedule things during our visitations. My husband paid her money before their divorce was finalized, there obviously was no support order or cause number yet, but somehow she twisted the system and cried and got retro support along with increasing his payments to $800 for one kid. Why on earth do these money hungry mamas think that they should get more? She lives comfortably in a town home, is building a 300k home three brand new cars and designer labels... We struggle to provide for our family because over half my husbands income provides "needs" for his ex to live like a rock star!!! Bs!!! He not only pays that but also near two hundre for her insurance and has to pay half of her office meds ect. A fathers right is screwed in the support system. Seriously!
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written by Don't get me started, July 08, 2013
My ex husband and I divorced last year. During the divorce, I had the kids for the typical schedule. During the week, then 2nd and 5th weekends. I even kept them for all of July last year. I was working 2 night/weekend jobs and caring for the kids during the day (My mom watched them at night). All I ever heard from my ex, was complaining about his child support. He wanted it lowered. He threatened to take 50/50 custody of the kids if I didn't lower it and also give him the house. He used that to black mail me and weak stupid me, let him have it all. All I wanted was the kids. Once he got some renters into the house, started dating one of my very close friends and pawned the kids off on his mom so he could have "date nights", I thought the complaining would stop. But it didn't. He still complains about having to support the kids (Support includes shelter, food, water, electricity...even if mom benefits off of it too.) You have to realize, mom can't work as many hours or make the big bucks because she has bigger responsibilities at home. Thank God my mom was able to keep my kids at night because otherwise, I would have had to come up with daycare money which would wipe out any money I would have made. What about those moms that have no family near or people to help. I never ask my ex for extra money, although I make it a point to let him know that he's behind on payments, he hasn't paid the mortgage and now my credit is rapidly falling with every month he doesn't pay it. I will never be able to provide a real home for my kids at this point. He has ruined my credit, refuses to refinance the mortgage, and I am stuck in tiny run down apartments or crazy outrageous rent house payments and guess who has to go down with me, my kids. I have gone to every bank and even went to a credit repair place and they say my only option is to file a suit to have it foreclosed on which would only hurt my credit more. Not only that, I don't have a dime to spend on a lawyer to get that started, so before I hear any one complain about paying child support, think about all of the sacrifices the other parent is making. Just because mom might benefit off of a 3 shelter or water doesn't mean it isn't supporting the kids.
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written by AMY, July 19, 2013
Its really sad to see so many people complaining about having to pay child support whether you are a father or the spouse of the father. SI saw someone say that "while he is in our house we still have to feed him and give him money for the things he wants to do". Well guess what! The other 11 months of the year, thats exactly what I had to do and the sad $220 I get in child support does not even close to cover it.

My son goes to see his dad for 4 consecutive weeks in the summer and my rent, utilities, cost for his upcoming school clothes, football registration, scout camp, school supplies, hair cuts, othodontia, medical/dental insurance etc, etc, do not get any cheaper. I still have to pay for everything whether or not he is under my roof. Those 4 weeks make zero difference. Its about both parents contributing equally to the welfare of the child. Every situation is different, but seriously people, especially you wives who married someone knowing full-well they had a child to support, need to suck it up and get out of your ego. Thank you.
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written by Michelle99, July 19, 2013
Some of us didn't ask for the divorce. We went from 2 incomes to 1. In my eyes, the 'non custodial parent' should continue to support you. I will be honest. I get 100. a month for food. That is to pay for 3 boys and let me tell you, they can eat and I don't want to buy a bunch of Ramen Noodles or Hamburger helper. I have to pay for all of the boys' expenses while they are with me. When you go on vacation you still have to pay your rent, electricity, phone bill and car note. Same goes for the kids. when they leave, your rent doesn't go down just for the month the kids aren't with you. I don't think the non custodial parents should complain if the mothers (or Fathers) are getting help from people or the Government. Just be reassured your little one is being taken care of in your absence.
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written by anonymous, July 26, 2013
My husband and I have 2 kids he has a child from a previous relationship, the ex decides to move to another state with his child. when she was small we use to have her every other day literally. Monday she was at our place Tuesday her mom wed back with us thurs her mom and so forth once the ex found out I was expecting she took him to court. I dont think it was right because it was 50/50 at the time. because she took him to court and he had to pay over $1000 a month he started to only keep her on weekends he said if he had to pay her child support then she needs to be with you more often. so they got the order for weekends.... so now she takes his kid to moves 3 states away. the cost of living is way less where they live she has gotten married and just had another child. my step daughter is staying with us for the summer.. is it fair he sends her chd support when shes at our house I dont think so.... shes been here just a few weeks and shes eaten up damn near all the foods I buy for my son. shes eating all my babies snacks. our bills dont change as well as the moms but I surely have to do more grocery shopping. more laundry I am spreading my attention
on in 3 directions now. why should my husband have to send her child support when obviously we need the money to support the childs stay. she wants us to buy her things while she is here it wouldnt be fair to spend on the others and not her but my pockets cant afford another child thats why Istopped at 2.... her mom should be sending is child support or atleast a care package. this lil girl eats like a grown man. we are on a budget I don't think its right to have to send money for a kid that not around. I hear the single moms saying bills dont stop why should your childs dad have to pay uour bills? get a better paying job or a 2nd job. you cant help him pay his bills they dont stop as well but yet you want money while the child is in his care I think ots greedy. if you cant afford to pay your rent and bills alone your probably living above your means.
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written by mo, September 10, 2013
I read the comments of alll these women who obvi are not single moms n have to deal with custody arragments. Lets get it right.. Its called CHILD SUPPORT!! Meaning support for the child's everyday living. Its to not only buy clthing but to help provide the roof over their head. Utilities that they use as well.. water.. lights etc. So yes he should continue to pay during summer cuz the children comes back HOME to mama! Their lil few weeks of provisions can't compare to what the custodial parent does throughout the year every day!! Yall act like yall too ignorant to understand that child support also support thr household those kids comfortably lay their heads.. the electricity that keep them warm/cool.. the water they stay clean with. So why not continue to pay?? The kids still gotta come back home to all this. smh at immature ppl who are bitter cuz they man gotta support hid children 365. I'm distraught.
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written by Tami, September 26, 2013
To all theming complaining you know what I bet you you if it's so difficult to support your child then you could give your ex custody. My husband would gladly take his son and support him full time and she could pay us the money. Since we know that's not going to happen we will continue to pay her not knowing what she's doing with our money. My husband has his son for a month over the summer and his ex still expects him to send her money on that month. He doesn't but she acts like he owes it to her as back support now. Why should he pay her when we have him the entire month. It's our utilities, our food, we pay for his travel, his camp, his clothes, his recreational activities and on top if that she wants support when he's with us?? Crazy why doesn't she have to send us money that month. It makes no sense. My husband is going to call his lawyer and hopefully get it straightened out. We also have two kids together and our happily married but I would never expect him to pay me for time the kids were with him and I don't know how any mom could.
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written by anonymous, December 29, 2013
Children aren't cheap. We all get that. But at the end of the day, the system DOES favor women, and DOES NOT give men, who can be and often are, great fathers any credit. My husband was LEFT by his son's mother, who ran off to another state, which my husband agreed to, thinking it was best for the child, as both his and her family lived in the other state. They had not been married, so there was no divorce decree with any arranged payments or visitation. What resulted was my husband sent a check every month for half of his son's expenses, got him insured through his work, and then received a notification from the state that his wages were being garnished because he "abandoned" his child. Upon inquiry, his son's mother told him the only way she could get welfare (that she did not need) was to say that my husband had abandoned his son. Additionally, no visitation was enforced, despite the new "payment arrangement." So he paid for all of the received welfare, plus the finally agreed upon child support, and was still only "allowed" to see his child two weeks out of a year. So, while you single mothers, and possibly fathers, complain about it not being enough, neither is the respect, the visitations, or the consideration for the other parent. And my stepson receives new clothes, shoes, appropriate seasonal attire, and toys as well as his basic care needs every time he visits us, and we never see any of those same items again, so it is not just about a monthly payment. My mom raised my brother as a single mother with no assistance: no child support, no welfare, just her hard earned money that she rode a bike through town to get to until she could afford to buy her own car with her own money. So if I were you single parents, I would stop complaining about a system that puts you in the driver's seat.
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written by ....., February 10, 2014
my ex-wife has a really big house 4 bedroom 4 bath,i pay her child support every month 375, i get my son 3 months during the summer,which he eats like a horse we have him in sports while he is here and have to pay for all his new clothing every year because she refuses to send him with clothes she said we can get our own. we buy him some school clothes befor he goes back and buy anthing that he need during the year as of any snack that she wont get for him tooth brush,toothpaste,underwear.anything he needs we get and she also wants us to pay extra a month for piano lessons because she cant afford it.
i have three other kids that are with me all the time so when we get him for the summer its great.but very expensive,we also pay for flights to get us back and forth.may i say is very pricey.so i do not find it fair we have to pay her during the summer..She has him in private school that we she asked us to help pay for 4 months due to her due to her finacial struggles which we did off the books..
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written by denise, April 14, 2014
Four years ago I made the decision to do what was best for my kids. I was jobless and my ex was making $12 an hr. I got no child support from him and since we lived in different states couldn't possible go back to court. I felt wrong living off the government and my son's social security check. My kids have become a paycheck for my ex. He conveniently lost his job a couple month after. He took me back to court for more child support and told the courts that he couldnt work full time because of the kids' schedule. A month after i am ordered to pay more he gets a full time job making way more than what i am now. I still pay him in the summer and he gets my son's social security check while they are with me along with $400 a month in food stamps. He refuses to help pay for medical expenses while they are here with MY SON'S money alotted for that. I am so fed up and wish i never tried to do what was right for my kids four years ago. If i still had them at this point his money would mean nothing to me as long as i had my dearly missed babies with me.
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written by denise, April 14, 2014
I don't mind paying child support by all means those are my children. What gets to me is it isn't being used on just the children. My children still have old furniture that we had for them when we were married. My ex has brand new bedroom furniture and a new flat screen tv. He is able to get new tattoos all the time and i always see him in new clothes while everytime i see my kids they have old raggity clothes on. He buys them things like video games and stuff that's not a need. But tells me he needs more money to take care of them. If he bought them things that are needs over the things that are wants then used what was left for the extras then he wouldnt need more of my money. I even help pay for field trips and school clothes and supplies. Granted because of my income i have to buy stuff from salvation army and goodwill, i still buy it. But thats never good enough and he goes and buys it all over again when they get home and complains to me about it.
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CS is evil and devalues the NCP
written by JeD, May 20, 2014
I was able to afford, when we first separated, to pay for all the kids expenses. That is clothes, school fees, school lunches, activities, medical, and dental. I had money left over. This usually cost me somewhere in the range of $1000/month for 4 children. All my ex had to do is feed them and have a home for them when they were at her house, and pay for her gas transporting them around. We had equal time. She left me. Later she filed for divorce, and the child support started. I paid her $1000/month and 50% of activities and e of medical and dental costs, and clothes for my house. I started struggling quickly. That essentially was $500 more out of my pocket. I effectively increased her money in her household by $500. She now has convinced the court to take 1/2 day away from me a week, so that we aren't on equal parenting time. The result of this is a $2300/month child support payment. I will have to tell her for next year that I cannot pay for activities. This means I largely loose my say about activities. I cannot pay for my daughters braces until I can save some money for them and pay off my sons. Since dental care is split disproportionately based on gross income, I will have to deny her care unless I get in writing that their mother will pay for it all. She won't. The part that bothers me most though, is even though I am still the dominant provider for my childrens needs, they see their mother providing for all their needs. I get credit if she gives it to me, but she won't. She views that money as hers, not mine. The court gave it to her. Yes my kids get the benefit, but if all I am worth is a paycheck, then at least let the kids see that I am that. I would have my kids all the time if I could. The US has the worst possible child support systems. It encourages the CP to limit time with the NCP, because there are dollars attached to time. We are often chastised for wanting time with our kids, because it will "save a few bucks" Usually it is a mother who will refuse to play nice sharing time, because in the end it will result in her getting the kids more, and receiving more support. CS is the primary culprit in men being devalued in their child's life. It is a motivator for taking time away. It is hidden from the children that he is providing. The time taken away limits the father's influence and authority in his kids life. When will the US citizens stand up and realize that there are 3 parties who all have rights. The father, the mother, and the children. Right now there is only one party who's rights are protected, the children. Their rights are then bestowed largely upon the CP(usually the mother). This leaves two parties rights protected, one by the other, and the third party(usually fathers) have no enforceable rights, especially without their income to use to protect those rights. My kids will have nice things. I will have provided much of those nice things for them through my income, but they are likely never going to know this. They will think of Dad as the man who watched us, so mom could have a break. Fathers should be valued more than this.
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Piddling Amount?
written by JeD, May 20, 2014
Most CS Payers are not the poor any more. CS legal theory says it is to support the lifestyle the kids were accustomed to during their parents marriage. Its not possible with two households, but giving most of the money to one parent makes it closer. My CS would pay my rent, car payment, and all my utilities with money left over. This is hardly piddling. I can accept that things are different for the poor. I was looking at the British calculator. It takes the net earnings after taxes are taken out and multiplies by 15% for one child 20% for two children and 25% for 3 or more children. It then has you multiply by the inverse of the time you have with the kids. For a Dad who has the kids 2 days a week, then he would pay 5/7 of what the calculator came up with. As things are now. I pay upwards of 35% of my income in taxes. Another 35% in child support, and have 30% to live on. I am expected to maintain a house to fit my 4 children and its full time residents, and need to live reasonably close to their schools to have school night visits. I could live in a cheaper part of town, but would be too far from their schools to effectively have them on school nights. There is nothing fair or reasonable about this. All I can do is suck it up and do my best, or move and lower my expenses and give up even more time with my kids during their critical pre-teen and teen years.
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Just Remember
written by Rasheed, May 29, 2014
I have three kids and have them half the month 50/50 custody and I still pay. My ex has turned her uterus into an ATM by having more kids while my kids and my child support helps to take care of her other four children. Then it dawned on me that if she cannot show that the kids being in her household is in their best interest then I can. Remember that child support and child custody are two different arenas. If you want more money then get a job women. I have work harder when I need money so if you need more money get a JOB. I can say this because I have to cook clean wash clothes and all the duties of a parent and I still have to work. For you guys that chose not to see your kids and send a check that is a preference. Just remember that child support is more than cash it is physical spiritual and emotional support.
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the realistic
written by Frankfucious, June 12, 2014
I'm a father of two kids and I have the mother on child support. Bottom line is, you wouldent be on child support if you dident need to be. Man up and woman up and take care of your kids, I've sacrificed everything to raising and taking care of my kids right. You dident wanna help pay and now you gotta pay out the ass.......deal with it.
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written by tita, June 17, 2014
My stepdaughter spends all summer with us and my husband has to pay child support for the 3 months she is here. Her mom don't send her close or shoes we still need to by her that and I don't think that's fair
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child support
written by chegarr, June 20, 2014
i raised my children alone, worked 3 jobs, took care of every day things,food,clothes,medical ect. never asked him for a dime. maybe the woman on this board should get off their ass and get a couple jobs, suck it up and deal. tired of having to hand something over to lazy woman/men. suck it up buttercup
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Social Secruity
written by Thomassd, June 27, 2014
Here is a comment to chew on. My children lost their father to cancer when he was in his 40's. we have 5. 3 of them were under the age of 18 so they received survivor benefits from social secruity. Now the government will audit the person responsible for the money these children receive and you have to prove to them through receipts, bank records and such where every dime went or you lose your social security. Why are mothers not held to the same standard as the government hold us to. I did receive child support from him before he passed and could tell him where the money went. My finance now pays 1100 a month for one child. This child spends 50% of his time with the grandmother basically lives there. Stays there 3 nights a week and she takes him to and from school. Its not because the mother is working its because as she say she has a right to a social life. The mother is not raising the child his grandmother is. So why doesn't this mother have to answer to why the support does not go to the grandmother? we buy all the school stuff, all his shoes, sports equipment, school fees (until I found out she gets this for free), his phone. The childs mother drives a new car, takes vacations etc when there is no way on her salary she can afford that. Just food for thought.
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you are not looking at the big picture
written by from another perspective, July 17, 2014
First whomever is paying the child support is supporting the child. What some of you tend to forget is that the single parent is working a full time job and raising a child. Some of these parents who are not paying child support say they want their child to live with them but they don't.
One parent inparticular blamed their job for 3 years then when they had to pay child support all of a sudden they had plenty of time to raise a child.
Then they abuse the children and treat them like a burden. This is not all about money.

How about a parent who wakes up at 5am every morning takes their child to school then at least once a week stops in for lunch with them. After a full day of work the parent brings the remaining work home so they can take the child to whatever sports or private lessons they are attending. Build the school project, help with the homework, have some one on one time with their child; then go back to there room and work until midnight. Then get up the next day and do it all over again. Now you think well they have the weekends. You are wrong; the weekend is for tournemants and hair cuts and whatever else the child has going on. On Sunday night while everyone is sleeping the parent is getting everything cleaned and ready for the next week.

While some of you complain about the parent working to much so a child spends all their time at their grandparents. Well if the parent does not work they will require more child support. If you are complaining about the parents social life don't worry it is not on the schedule, but you fail to point our that for 9-10 months out of the year the C/S paying parent does not have these responsibilities, and has a wonderful social life that they contiuously brag about.

If you are a mother and not just speaking from the hip; you would know that if you wait until the last minute to buy school supplies and clothes you will never find your child's size or the crazy colors the schools require them to wear. This is not just a one time purchase either so after you make the onetime payment the C/s recieving parent pays the rest.

Bottom line please stop talking about the child support recieving parent like they are crap and they are good for nothing bc We are doing a lot more than you give us credit for and no reciept will show that. No matter how often or how much it is not enough. NOt everyone recieving C/S is a bad parent. DO you ever ask if the C/S recieving parents needs anything or how you can help them so that your child gets everything they need.

to my Step mother's/father's you had to know they have children and what thay were paying so you had to factor that in when you signed on board. no child give up needs because a parent took on more than they could afford.

to my c/s recieving parents please please please use the money for your kids. a child recieving any amount of money would be happier than a child who's other parent does not care enough to pay at all.


Just a little info to peek your brain

In 2011, the average cost of full-time center-based care for an infant ranged from about $4,600 a year in Mississippi to more than $15,000 in Massachusetts.

If your child lives in the south 383 per month just for child care
In the north 1250 per month. If you are paying 500 c/s Recieving money is carrying the rest ontop of everything else.

please let's stop fighting and focus on raising healthy chidren who can support themselves after they graduate from college.
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please help
written by stephanie, July 24, 2014
My brother in law is currently staying with us for the summer however we had some circumstances and cannot afford food at the moment can I put him in my foodstamps application without affecting him cause he receives child supoort? We live in seperate states
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Dad's get raw deal
written by Michele, July 27, 2014
As a previous single mother of 4, I have been on both sides of this issue. I DO believe dad's get a raw deal. Especially with regard to paying support while child is visiting with dad. Sounds like these ladies need to get a second job while their meal ticket is gone on vacation. My husband's ex is remarried..contributes nothing to their household financially, even though my husband paid for her cosmetology schooling. . (and trust me...cleaning house should not qualify as contribution. If she had no kids..no spouse..she'd have to cover her own bills..her own roof..her own dishes and laundry. Also, if you are a proper mother..kids should've been taught to do chores..laundry, etc.) I see our step daughter in virtually the same clothes every visit. She's underweight. She's been held back a year in school..and was supposed to go to summer school this year..and her uneducated mom said she didn't have to go. Child support of 850 a month...and always pushing for more. If it was a dad being SO negligent..courts would be in an uproar:/. Having 4 of my own..and having done daycare and been a nanny when I was younger..I know how much it costs to raise a child. Some months..yes..its pricey. A majority of months...no way in heck that it cost 1650 a month for a child to survive. No way. Mothers ARE suppose to be covering half of the expense. As a p.s. Both of the birth mothers cars are way nicer than ours. Hmm..where is that child support going, I wonder? I say..get up and go back to college. Isn't that what these men did to make this money that now slips into Your pocket? At the Very least..I say there should be a revamping of child support law that expects every penny of this money to be accounted for or it then gets adjusted lower. I'm sure many mommas will get bent out of shape for me saying these things..but make sure you're working 40 plus hours a week or going to college full time to better your child's living situation first.

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