This has happened for four years now where she has beat me to the punch and filed first claiming our child.
What can I do so the IRS knows she is in violation of the order and I should be the one allowed to claim our son? Can I be reimbursed for the money this has cost me over the past four years?
I am unable to give you legal advice on divorce. I can give general divorce help for men, though, my knowledge is based on Nebraska divorce laws where I am licensed to practice.
One available option is to paper file your taxes and send in a certified copy of your divorce decree and/or parenting plan. The IRS will review the same and so long as you are the individual who is supposed to claim your son, and you have 50/50 custody, it has been my experience they will allow you to claim your child and demand the money back from the opposing party.
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Although this may create some work for you - and you can amend prior years' taxes - it will resolve the tax deduction issue for you a bit faster than relying on the court.
It may also allow you to receive a significant change in your taxes for the last four years and help show the court the effort you must expend to make your ex-wife follow the divorce decree.
Remember, I am unable to provide you with anything more than divorce tips for men, so please consult with a divorce lawyer in your jurisdiction.
Note: This information is general in nature and should not be construed as tax advice. You should work with your attorney or tax professional to determine the tax advantages that will work best for your situation.