The data and this article do not surprise me at all … it’s simply how the highly discriminatory court system works here.

Although I was finally granted full legal custody of my son and my daughter after nine (9) years (yes, 9 YEARS) of costly legal battles in the New York Supreme Court system in White Plains NY and during which time I continued to take full care of my children, the court simply chose NOT to make the (college-educated but alcoholic, psychotic and suicidal) wife pay ANY child support payments to us despite her regular job earnings.

In addition, the court made me pay 50 % of the wife’s legal fees AND her psychiatrist’s bill of some $42,000.

Still further, in accordance with the official divorce decree that was finally released after 9 years, the court allowed the now ex-wife to continue staying in our house i.e. AFTER the divorce for an *unlimited* period of time. When I consequently put the house on the market and eventually sold it (the title was held in my name alone), I not only had to pay off the mortgage but also for the above judgments for the wife’s psychiatrist and half of her legal fees that were simply blocked on the title papers and then deducted from the sales proceeds of the house, leaving me and the children with practically nothing; from then on we (I) lived in a rental property.

So much for *equal rights and justice*, not to speak of fairness towards the custodial fathers. It’s nothing but a disgrace.

This is a somewhat long story so I apologize ahead of time. However it does hold relevance to this topic.
Many years ago a girlfriend of mine got pregnant, before she gave birth we split up. I was convinced the child wasnt mine and no it wasnt the typical guy reaction. She was quite promiscuous, something I suspected but did not have proof on until my best friend admitted to sleeping with her and being worried that the child might be his. Of course this ended the friendship.
I caught her and him in bed one night when I came in from work and I left. I got involved with another woman, we decided to leave the state because of the low minimum wage and no jobs to be had. Two years later she and I split up and I returned to the state.
At this time I was contact by the childs mom, and asked if she could come to my parents to speak with me. She brought him along and Yes you could clearly tell that he was mine. Her topic of discussion was she had a man in her life, she had heard I was back, and as long as I didnt push visitation rights or attempt to take him, she would not persue child support. (A lie as she had already done so I just was not aware) I agreed and for a few years had not seen nor heard from her. During this time there were no notifications in the mail, no visits from police, no phone calls about child support so I assumed she had held up to her end of the bargain.
One night I'm out on the town, I run into her. One thing leads to another and we wind up sleeping together, one time, one night. I had plans on moving to Germany already and told her this. A few weeks later she approaches me and says she is prgnant again, asks for money for an abortion, is given the money, and she walks away. I move to Germany, am overseaqs for 1 year, my grandmother gets sick, I have to return to the states because my grandmother was my fathers caretaker (my father was a quadraplegic). Nothing said or done for 6 years. During those years my grandmother passed, I took care of my father until my uncle moved back to the state and moved in. And I returned to germany to try to make a life. 2009 my father passed away, I return to the states to give my uncle executor, then return to Germany.
Shortly after my uncle is murdered, the home my father owned passes to me. I ask my cousins to sell the home. I get informed there is a lien on it now by the state for child support arrears of over 100K. I contact the state and am told I have two cases against me.
Now this girl had two children before I met her, who lived with their father. She paid not one cent of child support to him, because he had not taken her to court, had not been on assistance. And she got to see these kids regularly. Now because she had gone to the DHHR and applied for food stamps the state required her to sign over rights to pursue child support regardless of what arrangements we had made verbally.
Please tell me where it is remotely fair that a woman will see $ signs, refuse to let arrears go in exchange for a smaller amount which would be paid from the sale of the home with the lien, when she herself has not paid any child support to the man who her other children lived with? The state was aware also that she had given custody of her children to her husband and although he had gotten food stamps, they never once asked him to pursue support on her. Yet you think the system isnt biased? That the system is remotely fair?
Now for those of you that are going to say you should have wrapped it or you should have responsibility .She told me when we met she had been fixed, and after she had the first while she was pregnant she signed paperwork with her ob to tie her tubes after him. I later found she had changed her mind on that. In more ways than one. She takes money for an abortion she approached me about and does god knows what with it, and now 18yrs later I am expected to pay for a child I not only did not know I had, but arrears for another whom I had never seen nor attempted to because of our agreement.