Compiled by Cordell & Cordell Divorce Attorneys For Men
The divorce process is usually very difficult and trying for anyone experiencing it. It is especially difficult if your divorce involves a child custody battle.
These difficult times often cause a person to act or react irrationally and in ways that detrimentally affect his or her case.
You should be aware prior to court proceedings that the court will evaluate your behavior in its entirety throughout the proceedings and always behave accordingly.
Below are some of the factors judges consider when making a child custody determination along with the 10 most common mistakes made by men during custody battles. This should provide a checklist of what not to du during a custody battle.
Best Interest Of The Child Standard
To determine how not to behave during your custody battle, it is helpful to review the criteria used by the judge (“court”) to determine appropriate placement of the children. The court is charged with the responsibility of evaluating the situation to determine what placement and parenting time is in the child’s best interest.
Some of the considerations include but are not limited to:
a) The length of time that the child has been under the actual care and control of any person other than a parent and the circumstances relevant thereto;
b) the desires of the parents as to residence-agreements reached by the parents and submitted to the court are usually presumed to be in the child’s best interest;
c) the interaction and interrelationship of the child with parents, siblings, and any other person who may significantly affect the child’s best interests;
d) the child’s adjustment to the his or her home, school, and community;
e) the willingness and ability of each parent to respect and appreciate the bond between the child and the other parent and to allow for a continuing relationship between the child and the other parent;
f) any evidence or allegation of spousal abuse;
g) any evidence or allegation of child abuse on this or any other child;
h) whether either parent is required to register as a sex offender;
i) whether a parent is residing with a person who is required to register as a sex offender;
j) whether a parent has been convicted of abuse of a child;
k) whether a parent is residing with a person who has been convicted of abuse of a child
Watch Your Behavior
Whether you are fighting to be the primary residential parent or for weekend visits with your children, the evaluation process by the court will encompass all of your behavior.
In particular, expect your children’s mother to point out all negative behavior during your custody battle. If you behave as though the judge were standing next to you each time you interact with the children or their mother, you will certainly avoid the pitfalls that will reduce your custody chances.
In reviewing the following list of what not to do during a custody battle, keep in mind the fact that children are wonderful mimics. You should expect your children to tell their mother everything you tell them. Knowing this, you should be aware of things said to the children or around the children that relate to their mother.
Conversations As Evidence
You should also anticipate your children’s mother hiding a tape recorder on or near her person when you interact. Recorded telephone conversations are common during divorce proceedings. In such cases, words spoken out of anger and frustration quickly become the rope that hangs the speaker.
Technically, such recordings should not be permissible, but some courts will hear them for the purpose of evaluating a parent’s intentions and mental state. Do not be caught on tape saying things you would not say with the judge present.
It should go without saying that any email or text message correspondence can be easily handed to the judge for review so fits within the same admonition. The admission of such written lapses in judgment is much easier since you clearly knew it was documented at the time.
Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
This list is not exhaustive but includes some of the most common mistakes made by men during child custody battles. As an attorney, making sure clients avoid these missteps is vital in figuring out how to win child custody for fathers. It is often an uphill climb due to the court’s bias against dads, but avoiding self-inflicted mistakes is crucial.
Child Custody Laws:
1. Alienation of affection
Children thrive best in a two-parent household whenever possible. If a parent makes it a habit to put down the other parent, the children feel torn and forced to choose one parent over the other.
This is very frustrating and confusing for the children. Judges are quite familiar with the damage this behavior can cause and are extremely intolerant when this behavior occurs.
The two most common forms of alienation of affection that get dads into trouble are: criticizing mom around the kids and keeping the children from mom in any way. This behavior can lead to parental alienation, which can have very harmful effects on children.
On the other hand, when the mother keeps the child from the father, parental alienation can occur, and that has serious ramifications.
2. Yell at wife and/or children
As covered above, assume all conversations are being recorded. When you yell at your wife or your children it often gives the appearance that you are being abusive or bullying them.
Men are in a distinct position in this society where they are presumed to be dominating and more powerful than women (and of course children). That being the case, women are in a position to claim they are afraid of their husband or the father of their children. Whether their fear is authentic or not, the court takes such allegations very seriously.
Do not give her any ammunition for the court. A tape recording of a telephone conversation or an in-person argument will appear to the court to demonstrate you losing control and possibly becoming dangerous.
No matter how hard it becomes, fight the urge to yell at your wife or your children. If that becomes a general rule you will not need to worry about such behavior impeding you in court.
3. Have a physical confrontation with wife and/or children
Making physical contact with another person in a harmful or offensive manner is a crime. Some states call that crime “battery” others refer to it as “assault.” Whatever the term, it is criminal.
You cannot very well care for your children from jail. No matter how upset you become during these proceedings, you must not make physical contact with your wife or children when you are angry.
If this is something that has occurred in the past, you need to acknowledge that you are susceptible to such behavior and leave the area when you become upset. It is much better to walk away from an argument then to be in a position where you have little or no time with your children or such time is supervised by a stranger.
There are many women who are abusive toward their husbands. It is no less a crime for a woman to be physically abusive toward you or your children. If you feel such a situation is going to occur, you should attempt to leave the area. If you feel the children are in danger, you obviously would not leave them alone with her at that time.
If she hits, pushes, punches, or otherwise makes contact with you in an offensive way while she is angry, you need to call the police. Such behavior should be reported. The police will treat her the same way they would have treated you and she will go to jail. Legislation related to domestic violence has increased over the years and law enforcement no longer treats it as a family dispute.
Judges take these matters very seriously as well because physical violence between parents is very confusing and upsetting to children. Studies have shown that children who witness domestic violence from an early age suffer developmental challenges as well as life-long emotional problems.
4. Move in with a significant other
Divorce is a difficult time for children. It is hard for them to grasp the idea that their parents’ love for each other can simply end. Things are even more difficult when it becomes clear that the love transferred to a person that is not the child’s mother.
Courts are reluctant to expose children to such truths. Judges do not appreciate children being exposed to significant others while a divorce is proceeding.
Moreover, children are unlikely to be comfortable around the new woman and may refuse to stay overnight or even visit your home if she is there. That will certainly prevent you from having a healthy relationship with your children.
The time will come when you are ready to start dating again after divorce, but until the divorce is final – and even for a while after – do not expose the children to a new woman.
5. Criticize mother to friends, family, case worker, or guardian ad litem
Keep in mind that your friends now are likely friends that were shared by both parties at one time. You should expect friends to still talk to both parties. Assume comments you make will get back to your wife.
If a case worker or guardian ad litem is assigned to your case, be aware that they are looking intently for signs of alienation of affection. Do not let them see it coming from you. Focus on the good relationship you have with your children and how well you communicate. Do not waste time criticizing their mother. That is easily misinterpreted as alienation of affection.
Caveat: if the children’s mother is involved in illegal drug use or otherwise engaging in behavior that is dangerous to the children, this should be brought to the attention of the case worker or guardian ad litem and closely investigated. Be certain you have some form of unbiased evidence before making such allegations or you again run into the problem of appearing to be trying to alienate the children from their mother.
6. Fail to pay child support
If the court enters an order of support and you choose to ignore it, that is considered contempt of court. If the judge makes a finding that you are in contempt, you may be fined or even jailed for such behavior.
As a general rule, judges feel that paying child support is more important then any other financial obligations. Failure to pay child support appears to the court as a lack of respect for the court and lack of concern for your children.
Obviously it costs money to raise children. Child support amounts are set using several variables to determine what it will take for the child to continue to survive as the child had prior to the breakup. You may hire an experienced men’s divorce attorney to fight the support amounts ordered if you have good cause, but until the court orders otherwise, you are responsible for paying child support as ordered.
If ordered to pay your wife directly, always do this by check and save the receipts from the bank showing these checks cleared. It is critical that you can trace your child support payments in case your wife later denies receiving cash payments.
7. Damage property belonging to mom or her family
Property damage is often a sign of aggression that is building up in a person. Not only will the court make you pay to replace any damaged property, the court may also see you as a threat to your children due to such behavior.
8. Deny telephone contact with mom when the children are with you
This relates back to the earlier topic on alienation of affection but may not always be as obvious. Even if you have limited time with a child such as a couple hours a week, you must allow that child to call mom when requested.
In addition, if she calls to check on the child, you need to be polite and allow her to talk to the child unless that would cause disruption or the child is sleeping. Keep in mind that such calls from mom must be reasonable.
Children should feel free to communicate with either parent at any time. If your wife denies you contact with your children when you call, be sure to keep a journal of the dates and times so the court may address it if it becomes a problem. You should expect your wife is keeping a similar journal.
9. Take kids out of the area without warning mom in advance
If you have a family vacation or reunion planned outside the metropolitan area in which you live, be sure that you have notified their mother before you take the children. Many parents reach agreement about vacation times with the children so that each parent has an opportunity to spend a week or two out of town with the kids.
If you leave the area without notifying your wife, it may appear you are attempting to kidnap the children. That could result in her obtaining emergency orders restricting or terminating your parenting time or custody. If at all possible, try to notify her in writing two weeks in advance so there will be no confusion when the time comes.
10. Remove children from school or daycare without notice to mom
Temporary orders will usually designate parenting time but rarely includes the time when the child is at school or in daycare. If the school allows you to visit the children over lunch or other times, you should freely do so as long as it is not a distraction.
You should never remove the children from school or daycare if you are not the primary custodian. Even if you are the primary custodian, the children should remain in school or daycare unless you have a good reason to remove them.
Expect your wife to bring the judge a printout from the school that will show tardies and absences while the children are in your care. If you are not primary custodian, removal from school or daycare may appear that you are kidnapping the children and could result in serious restriction or full termination of your parenting time.
As experienced divorce litigators, we know how to win child custody for fathers, but there are never any guarantees. We also know what not to do during a custody battle and avoiding the above mistakes can at least keep you in the fight.
One of the most important steps you can take to help yourself in any child custody dispute is hiring a divorce lawyer to help with your case. Family law attorneys who focus on men’s divorce and fathers’ rights, such as the lawyers of Cordell & Cordell, have a unique understanding of the challenges dads face throughout the process and can help position you for success in your child custody battle.
Order The Book:
It was explained here that property damage is a sign of aggression, and the court will make you pay for the damage. My sister-in-law is divorcing her husband, and he has made a scene in my inlaw’s house. I will let her know so she can speak this to her lawyer.
My ex wife threatened to have some of her friends physically attack me during my next pick up of my son. Should I file for custody over this? If so, will I need a lawyer? I cannot afford one and do not qualify for legal aid.
If it’s documented call the police and ask for a cop[y of their report. Keep that for any future custody/access issues.
But what happens when you had a kid outside of your marriage, and then your children’s mom says that your wife hurts you baby and that a Lie? How can you demonstrate that it all a lie and that the truth it’s that your baby love your wife and even calls her mommy…
Thanks for explaining how people should act as if the judge is watching them from a distance when interacting with their spouse and their children to increase their chances of winning custody. A good friend at work is now considering divorcing his wife. Naturally, he wants custody. He can be a bit too loud when provoked, although he never gets physical with everyone. I will be sure to advise him to keep his tone down at all times especially when dealing with his children.
GUYS ITS TIME FOR AN US TOO MOVEMENT. ENOUGH OF THE GENDER BIAS AND DISCRIMINATION AGAINST MEN WHO ARE GREAT PARENTS. THE COURTS KEEP HOLDING US DOWN AND NOT GIVING US A FAIR CHANCE OF GETTING OUR CHILDREN, EVEN THOUGH WE ARE BETTER CAREGIVERS, JUDGES DONT KNOW OR CARE, Women ALWAYS ARE GETTING THE CHILDREN AND SUPPORT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. RESPOND TO ME, IM CONSIDERING ACTION.
I been neglected and put down for having rights to be in my daughters life havent seen her just once since court and thats it even with a court order her and her parents have already violeted 4 vistation posscession order days for me on purpose and they dont care and the paarents of her are responsible for to for holding my daughter in the house ignoring the order by the judge im. A good father just dont get why people think we dont deserve more recognitions then mothers it aint easy being a fatber espcially she rather have my daughter with her friends instaed of me spending time with my baby she is 8 months she needs her dad more then anything
how can you say that men are better caregivers i know plenty of bad dads (mine for example) who hurt their kids, meanwhile i also know bad mothers. but i understand that court is usually bias.
I’m a father of 3 boys and a daughter all under the age of 14 my daughter 11 has been diagnosed with ashma and the mother and grandmother smoke heavy the oldest 21 year old living there as well smoke weed daily what can I do until the divorce .?
Heavy smoking inside the home with children living there sounds like child endangerment and abuse! Get them out of there ( legally, of course ) and take your asthmatic daughter to a pulmonologist along with a letter from them. That sounds so disgusting!
It’s been 4 years and I will be at trial this November 28 , i have been lied about , and had supervised visits for 4 years and I haven’t even seen my daughter for almost 2 years now . She wants full amount of child support to move with my kid to another province , full custody and me to have no contact , with no reason whatsoever , and I haven’t been able to afford a lawyer , only reason it’s been this way for me , I can’t even believe they let women do this and also how do they get a free lawyer ? I have never had equal rights , not once .. this can take a mans soul and it has time and time again , so hard to hold on when your dragged behind the horses wagon bound naked and blind folded . Told if you move or complain it will get worse ..
You’re screwed. Woman have all rights. Don’t waste money in court unless you have a lawyer. And not just any lawyer either. Cause some of them are terrible at their jobs or are just stratinf out and don’t know all the loopholes yet.
Not always …. I wasn’t married to my youngest son’s dad and while i was pregnant through a year and a half of my sons life his dad was incarcerated, he got out and again started getting into trouble the police came to my house to arrest him since he didnt report to probation, dcps was called and they removed my 2 yr old due to me failing to protect him from a fugitive which only got me to lose it and do stupid stuff which got me arrested 2, he got out b4 me, and within 2months out he was able to move in with my son and i never got a single unmonitored visit, the closed the case with him having sole physical joint legal, and i just found out the court never established paternity, he is not on the birth certificate. Sad thing is he only wanted custody so he didn’t have to pay child support and got married to a young woman who got pregnant just to give him a kid he could actually get to be part of it all for who is the #1 priority in their home and my son is treated like an outcast. He is now 8 and i feel helpless and lost to what i can do.
I’m currently facing the same issue.
Men have access to the same benefits women do with legal aid. The fact that you allowed 2 years to pass without seeing your child, I’m 99.9% sure you will ever find a judge that will believe you have your child’s best interests in mind. Since you are only taking an active interest now is because you want to keep the mother from moving. That is not my opinion, that is exactly what you’ll face. This is mine, the amount of money you need to got to court and successfully gain custody, even 10% to start is ZERO. If you truly feel as you have expressed, why have you not spent time in a public library, or online using the millions of resources available to you absolutely free, designed to give you the best chance possible to gaining custody. I feel bad for saying this, but not really… Stop living your life thinking you’re a victim. Sober up, become the kind of man you would be okay with ever dating or marrying your daughter. Become the MAN, and the father that your daughter deserves. Crying on the internet where people will allow you to feel like a victim is complete BS and you know it. I am a single father with 4 girls and 2 boys that fought a sociopath that was hell bent on ruining me and my relationship with my kids. She has attacked me at many levels, my career, my love, she even used that I was abused as a child against me. Guess what, I have my children, and I never quit. She blocked me from baptizing my own daughter, lied to me about times for things to make me look bad to the kids, blocked me from calling on birthdays, kept me from holidays, tried to destroy my career of 15 years, constantly belittling me in front of my kids, completely led me on believing we would work things out, while telling others that I was delusional. She could make her self start sobbing crying with the drool and snot on queue. Literally unable to love, and emotionless sociopath.
I am a mom and the two guys that are the dad’s are players and decives all. I am a very good parent that should be in the bed but I am away most days and night to fight this great battle pro series. It is the families & parents against DHS system. Not the mom’s against the dad unless you have to deal with players. What a mess.
What if the dad gets up in court & yells he is going to kill the DHS guy. Do you think he would still be able to get the child. Or do you think the women should take everything he has & leave him? Just a question of what if. Thanks.
YEAH LETS DO THIS!!! I’m a dad and won primary custody working Pro Se and have had the kids for the last 4 years, and now she has kept my oldest son and moved out in the country somewhere with her husband who is a convicted felon and started trying to get the court to give her custody of both children. Conjuring up a bunch of lies to the court.
I had some financial problems and my 2 sons went to stay with their dad untill i got back on my feet, well he remarried and was more stable so our kids stayed with them, i will always see and be active in their lives but if they lived with me they would literally lose their dad if that makes any sense. Its taken a few years but i thank the lord for the woman he made my kids step mother…. She could only be any better if she were me lol.
This attack on young men needs to stop because a women can raise at boy to become a men just like a men cant raise a little girl to be a women
I agree. Not to mention the lies some women say about their kids father. I have seen it first hand. Lies about abuse coming to light 10 to 15 years after the supposed abuse and never before mentioned in the courts.
I COMPLETELY AGREE!
I need some advice from you dealing with child custody case
My x wife was the first to get physically violent with me after our first child. She punched me in the face twice when I was trying to leave with my son because she was getting irate and I could tell she was wanting to hit me. Over a disagreement of just leaving our son in the crib to cry for hours until he fell asleep her idea, and me wanting to hold him and rock him to sleep then lay him in his crib once asleep. After being struck twice in the cheek I called the police because she wouldn’t let me leave. The police arrive and first thing they did was made me give my son to her and separated us. She admitted to them that she had punched me, did so crying. They looked at my face and didn’t see any marks, I’m military and have thick skin. They looked over her and seen a bruise on her shoulder which looked like a thumb from me holding her back after the first punch to the face. They told me i had to leave and find a place to stay the night. I told them I get punched in the face twice and I have to leave my own place. Over an argument over how to handle a restless baby. They told me if I refuse I would be arrested because they see a bruise on her and there are no marks on me. So even when she admitted to the officers of punching me while I only tried to keep her at a distance I’m the one who gets punished. This was in our second year of marriage after 10 years we finally divorced and I accepted that no matter what I do there is no help or support for men in struggaling marriages. It’s wrong but you just got to accept that you can’t do anything right and your worthless. So pretty much everything your wife tells ya is the truth. Is it fucking bullshit? You freaking bet.
There is help. His name is JESUS.
I understand how you feel. I was provided primary custody of my two sons upon divorce and I have had them for six years now. I am constantly in and out of court with my ex wife. Then all of a sudden, we went to court for a temporary hearing in December and the judge felt that she should now give the mother primary custody, even though there was no change of circumstance. She totally overlooked the law and lack of evidence. The judge just decided to do what she wanted to do. It involved moving my youngest son from a nationally acclaimed school, to putting him in a school that ranks below average in everything (now what kind of sense does that make). Even though I have taken care of our two boys positively through the six years. They are “A” “B” students and have had no issues in, or out, of school. This is the thanks I get for being a great DAD!
My son has physically custody, he is primary costudy, mom has not paid child support, mainly because son didn’t keep up with Ord, but court order says she should pay, what should he do, she has been in and out of jail for drugs, now she is going by court order, she gets them every other week, already, in 3 months late for school 24 times, that’s just when she has them, I want them to be happy
They do this to women too.
I agree 💯
There’s supposed to be power in numbers, and that squeaky wheel is supposed to get the grease… Hopefully we don’t get “greased” instead of helped for speaking up for certain TYRANTS destroying our families and robbing our children. I’m not so sure anymore. Give me a shout.
I agree. I am in a similar situation where my ex decided to have a baby while we’re separated as a way to stay in my pocket and cause me trouble. We were separated for about 6 months when she got pregnant, it was a one-time thing and that was it. We had been together for about 3 years prior with no kids and she didn’t care because she said it was not a problem, and she’ll have the baby whenever she wants to. She got pregnant, refused to tell me her due date, the gender of the baby, and she did not notify me when it was time to have the baby. She also named the baby without my consent and gave the baby my last name. Now she wants child support. All I want from her is my child, she can move on with her life.
You are clearly an angry frustrated man. It’s evident by your text. Get hold of yourself. It’s not the system … it’s you!
I disagree with your comment to this gentleman. Your view is too simplistic in evaluation. It didn’t happen to you, therefore you cannot begin to know how he feels from his experience. I am a 55-year-old woman and have witnessed alot of bias, untruthfulness, deceitfulness, and entitlement going on with the female gender and justice system. I also witness alot of males that truly care for their children’s well being and want to have an active primary role in those lives. I guess what I am trying to say is that there are alot of women out there that are dogs and just because they are women doesn’t entitle them to every aspect of raising children. They are not necessarily a better parent because they are women. I believe men want to be and are good parents to their children. The bias needs to stop. Women think they deserve to hold all the cards. What this woman did was wrong. It’s not all about her. And yes, it is actually the system.
All nice words in the article but in reality in Tennessee in the majority of custody cases the mother gets the kids. Even if alcoholic or drug addict, Court will send mom to rehab and still get the kids. Law in TN is 50/50, but moms have hired gun psychologists (funny, when you google their name and TN Courts they pop in in zillions of cases) come in and just plain lie. Does not matter who the father’s attorney is and especially in Williamson County Tn where judicial corruption is prevalent and even supported by the Appellate Courts. Cordell/Cordell are probably fine lawyers for men but so are hundreds of others that can’t get custody for father’s even basically when the mom does not want the kids that they will send the moms to rehab to make them want the kids. When I first ,moved here years ago, I saw a mom kill one of her daughters. They found her guilty, put the other daughter in foster care, sent the mom to rehab for just over a year and when she got out, they gave the other daughter back to her. So all of these things they say to do are correct, but again, it does not matter on whatever the mother wants to do in TN – she will get the kids. I had video tapes of alcoholic wife passing out while I worked nights and 2 1/2 year old drinking the alcohol left out and a detective videotaping her on girls night out when she took the 2 1/2 year old with her and then driving over the yellow lines and off the shoulder and get this, the hired gun psycho tells the judge he could not tell whether the kid swallowed the alcohol and that he had several clients with poor driving habits and I get criticized that I should have told her she was being video taped and found not to be credible. The paragraph in the Decree right after
the one where I am not credible is the Order that the Mom is “restrained and enjoined from consuming any alcohol while she has the minor child”, like a 2 1/2 year old knows the difference between root beer and beer or grape juice and wine. Now if it was any dad in TN doing what she did on videotape, they would have been arrested and handcuff right in the court room as it is a felony! I found it is the same for many dads in TN. Now my son is 16 and when he testified when he was 12 years old about the mom passing out, truancy letters form the school, thought he was going to die in her car, she drinks all the time, … and so on, the judge stated in the Order that he did not fear for the safety of the minor child! Then my son testifies at age 14 about the same stuff and the judge orders the mom to wear a SCRAM device and leaves the boy with her as the custodial parent. So now he is going to testify in about a week at age 16 that he wants to go to the high school where I live which is ranked nationally and tell the court all about the mom’s drinking where she is still under court order to not drink any alcohol while with the boy. At both age 12 and 14 the court found the boy to be a very credible witness (told the court same I did years ago but my son did not have videos to back up his statements like I did!). So, all you dads, in TN. does not matter who your attorney is, got to wait until the child is old enough to go into court to tell the judge what is going on behind closed doors and it still does not matter.
This is not true in every county. In my county, the men get the kids, even if the psychologist admits he is abusive.
While this advice was given on a dads divorce forum, I think it is very solid advice for both mothers and fathers who are divorcing. Both genders can really screw up their child custody issues by behaving in an inappropriate manner to say the least. The advice given here is really just common sense.
It is not always the man that is in this situation. I found this highly offensive.
I bet you do. I found in comforting. Women are known for screwing over nice guys over and over in family court.
Woman…..pfft, I hav MS and knowing how stress affects it my ex went after me, divorce cost me about $200,000.00 just so I could avoid a relapse, and this was from a man who never worked much
I have wife that has friends that told to admit herself in a woman shelter so she could get on section 8 .My soon to be ex-wife told me she only married me for residency and she got what she wanted.She took my kids out of school without me even knowing,blocked all contacts from me so i wont talk or call my babies.I havent seen my kids in 2 months.I was the sole provider for my kids.Wife feel that she didnt have to work.
Men are just as bad for screwing women over. Don’t forget that! Both genders are guilty of it. My ex bullied me in and out of court until I said enough was enough. I have a huge time trusting guys period after what he did.
Just a note to start, I am a female, and this is just my honest to goodness observed opinion. Of course both genders are just as capable of “screwing” each other over, and just as wrong for doing it. From what history shows though, I agree that in general, men have massively gotten the raw end of the deal. I also believe that the point of the matter, is not whether one gender is more or less capable of dastardly, selfish behavior when it comes to these issues, but the fact that THE SYSTEM, in itself, has basically always been egregiously biased in favor of the females. Not only in regards to custody of the children, but also when it comes to issues such as, who gets the house, the dog, the cars, the furniture, etc… I’ve seen it first hand too many times to not admit that what this article says is true, unfair, wrong, and unjust.
You are right, it is not always the man.
It is not always the man, your correct, especially the alienation of affection or the parentalized child…
Megan, thank you. It was offensive. I’m copying this article to my stepson-in-law for his custody battle with my stepdaughter, who at 35 has shed any resemblance to a responsible parent, or even an adult.
Completely agree. My daugher’s dad is the most bitter, vindictive, malicious person I’ve ever dealt with. He acts like the “stereotypical bitter baby mom”. He’s even newly married and STILL won’t leave me alone, now filing for full custody of our daughter smh.
Yes! I am so sick of the men playing victim when a lot of them cause the problem by being lazy, jealous deadbeats who want to destroy the mother because she moved on…
me and the father of my kids not together no more due to the fact that i dont wana be with him anymore.. when i was pregnant with my first child shes now 1 he wanted to abort it and we broke up because i was pregnant.. when i was about 5 months he came back cuz he didnt wanna pay child support i made the dumbest desicion ever taken him back. and ever since i came back to his house he used to beat me up and shit i would always end up with bruises.. even when i was pregnant the second time he wanted to abort it as well , hes now 5months today.. he did the same thing wen i was pregnant the first time.. and since i told him that i was leaving he said he was gonna take me court and get full custody of the kids .. how can i get full custody of my kids?
if there is no standing custody order at this time, you need to make it apparent that there has been spousal abuse you need to have proof, such as court or police records of domestic violence reports. you need to file a restraining order and ask for sole physical custody you can do joint legal with the ultimate decision to be yours and you should ask for supervised visitations until such time that he completes domestic violence and parenting classes.
otherwise, you do not have to allow him to have the children until such time as you go to court. you cant not let him see his children because he doesnt pay child support, at least not in NY state and it would look bad in court on you that you were trying to keep your children away from their father. facilitate a way that he can still visit with his children and have someone there to supervise. not you. but a neutral party. that way you dont have to be in the presence of him and you can fulfill your duty to your children as well, by showing that you are supportive of their relationship with their father. DO NOT TAKE BACK AN ABUSER. GET YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN TO SAFETY. ask the county for help if you need to i know its easier said than done but it is for the best if he continues to harm you or your children.also , you have the right to keep custody of your children until there is a court hearing.
Uh, steph, she doesn’t need proof. She just has to say it, no proof of domestic abuse needed, man guilty. PERIOD. Also she doesn’t have to worry about those classes either, she is the mom, she already knows it all, and finally don’t worry about flunking your drug test, because once again, no one cares how bad you are. All this happened to me, and she went out a winner, no rehab, no taking classes. Nothing. So steph, let’s just tell it like it is. Woman can do whatever they want whenever they want and crush men’s souls, without a second thought, and to top it off the state will pay for her lawyer. Yeah. What a great system. So fair, truly justice is blind. Yeah right. Been in hell for 5 years and nobody to help as her new husband continues to a use my son. Yeah. Steph, where is that man card they always talk about, I’ve never seen it.
I’ve witnessed it , I’m a woman but I hate how biased the system seems to be.. women can claim whatever they want with no proof and it’s taken as truth
What happened to the best interest of the child???
it’s long gone.
Yeah its true there r alot of scumbags out there my father physically abused my mother many tim e he was a drunk has broken bones and I love both my parents but he never once laid a hand on us kids not one spanking my mother never tried to take us kids from him though a d he changed over the years but now I am going through a situation me and my ex split up I left because she never came home after a night out and harnt responded to me til noon the following day she was only letting me take them 1 night a week it tore me apart even more I was falling apart and hurt cause I just wanted my family well a month after being split up she ended up pregnant by another man and I never found out til she was 2 months pregnant and it was from someone else mean while I’m try to do what I can to get my family back missing my children and then it made sense as to why she would just push me away even more the whole time so I fell apart ended up doing drugs never when I had my children though so here she is pregnant by another man and finally after 6 months of being split up from a 10 year relationship I was trying to move on and met someone who helped me not feel so down all the time and got me away from the drugs and when she found that out she started making my lif harder got a PFA on me saying I’ve been abusive over the years threaten d her lif and her unborn chiles life I’ve got messages saying she just wants me to misserable the rest of my life she also said in the pfa I had forced myself on her a few times portryed me with lies that I was some monster I’ve raised me hand to her but yet in 10 years nothing like this has ever been said never had a police call or incident reported in that 10 years but now we r split up and I’m trying to be better period and happy again all this stuff has happened and she gets a pfa I was served the papers 4 buissness days before ethe court date had no attorney in court and she filled the order 2 weeks before the court date and had a lawyer so I didn’t stand a chance in my defense I was nothing but honest that’s the best I could do aemited yes I turned to drugs earlier in the years to block my mind from the pain and stress and said I hadn’t done anything for awhile other then me telling the truth she had nothing but assumptions no proof or anything and I never did them when I had my baby’s would n ver put them in harm’s way I’m daddy there protector needless to say based of lies they granted her PFA just on her not my kids like she wanted but he did grant her temporary custody and only allows me to see my kids 1 day a week for 5 hours supervised they gave her what she wanted the one thing that kept me from totally falling apart trying to pull my children further away from me because she had a lawyer and a witness her sister in law who would do anything for her or say anything and she lied and said a long time ago so I probably wouldn’t remember because eofy drug problem that she seen me raise my hand against her neither said I had ever hit her though and other then me saying I had a drug problem earlier in the year there only defense for me having one was she had seen me nodding out a few times 1 thing I work 12 hours a day at least 5 days a week so couldn’t be because I may have been tired it had to be because of drugs right and I’ve got messages that can show she is clearly doing this out of spite cause she don’t want me to be with my new girlfriend I’m trying to move on and not acting miserable cause I wanted my family back it’s all out of spite not cause she fears me and for my kids safety she knew I was miserable and I admitted that I was going through a tough time and had a drug problem which she has had also she gets a script of Subutex but anyways months after her knowing that she still let me take my kids overnight for my one night a week it only became an issue about me having a drug problem and she was affraid of our kids safety from me driving under influenec of drugs when I had them but wasn’t a big deal til she found out I had a new girlfriend and was trying g to be happy again that was her biggest thing concerning the kids safety but ok so PFA gets granted says I have to have supervised visits at the residence of the people she named my mother and brother being one of them so only transportation I had was my mother’s car she had talked to my mother and my mother said she wasn’t feeling good so then she said to my mother it was ok if I came to her place and picked my son up I said I can’t mom I’m not supposed to be at her address or around her and my visit is not supposed to be unsupervised so we figured I would drive to get him with my brother one of the named supervisors anf park at the palyground next door my brother walked over and got my son and we drove back to my mother’s well my son wanted to go outside when we got there so we walked a couple hundred yards to the park to play my brother and my girfriend who my ex don’t like so she don’t want my kids around her she said that to the courts but they didn’t grant it so nothing says she can’t be around my children u know just leave me alone let me be happy I mean because eu got pregnant a month after being split up and the father hasn’t decided he wants to be with u has told people maybe me and her would get back together and I could father the kid what an ass but because she’s not happy I shouldn’t be ever again but anyways she made a big deal because I walked to the park around the corner with my son to play when visits r supposed to be at the residence of supervisor but it was ok for me to go pick him up when her biggest concern was just days before my visit about me driving with our kids under the influence of drugs so it’s ok when she’s to lazy to bring them to me and she says it’s ok or convient for her obviously for me to pick him up I would have to not be at the residence during that time but then u wanna fault me because I brought my kid and walked to the park next doors basicly and told a 3rd party person to tell her what we did cause it has to be indirect contact concerning the kids only and wanted to be truthful it’s just pretty selfish to act that way because our son had fun and u just wanna make it so what little time they have with me they can what be bored and start saying they dont wanna go to daddy’s it’s B’s all she is doing is putting her own feelings before our kids and me and them r the ones hurting and loosing out I don’t get my visit today cause she said I violated the order by leaving the residence and wouldn’t let me have my visit at my mother’s where me and my children would probably be more comfortable even though I said to the judge can j at least have the choice where I have my visit concerning the 3 supervisors listed and he said yes I could so I have chosen it to be at my mother’s and had my mother tell her that cause I can’t well she took it upon herself to decide where it would be and chose Cathy the girl who stood in court and lied for her I have no reason to around someone like that let alone my kids this girl don’t even take care of her own half the time u know if she wanted to get me for violating it for bringing my son to the park next door still supervised mind u though she should have went to the courts about it how can she just be like nope u have to have your visit her when the judge gave.me his word I could choose where I was gonna have my visits I don’t have my own transportation at the moment so have to find alternative ways but u wanna have Cathy message me the day of my visit and say kids be here soon if u wanna have your visit seriously I’ve had my mother and sister messaging for a couple days concerning my visit on Saturday and no response yeah like that weren’t deliberate
i am a mom to a 3 month old and need help from you fellas.
the father of my child wanted me to get a abortion from the moment i told him i was pregnant. his mother and him harassed me when i choose to keep the baby that i ended in the hospital due to high stress and almost missed carried. i tried by best during pregnancy to make him a part of it but he cheated on me and was never there for me. the few doc app he went to was because i made it around his schedual. when i went into labor i called him and he was there and i made the dumb mistake of placing him on the birth certificate thinking he would help out. so far it has been 4 months and he has only seen the baby handfull of time and has only brought her one can of formula and a set of wipes. he suffers from depression and takes medication and smokes weed. his mother and i dont get along and they have been harrasing me about them having the baby over heir house without me been there. i do not trust them they never wanted my baby and she does drugs and has random people in and out of the house. the father of my child was sexual assualted by a family member that lives two houses down. we are not married but i would like to obtain full physical and sole custody of my child please help dads!! i can see many of you are good fathers wish i would have meet someone good for my daughter
Move. Wit. Your life. He. Will try. To. Come. Back. To. You. And. The. Kid. When. He. Need. Something. Or. In. His. Head. He. Think. He can. Come. Back. When. Ever. He. Feel. Like. It. Cuz. He think. You. Just. Going. To. Let. Him. Anyway. So. Keep moveing. Forward.
Last year I was notified by CPS that there was a case against the mother of my daughter. She had meth and heroin around the house, within reach of our then 3-year old. After a meeting with CPS I of course went to the courts and filed paperwork to gain full-custody. My daughter’s grandparents on her mother’s side then also decided that they wanted custody too, and counter-sued me and my daughter’s mom. So I had one case where I was on the offense against my daughter’s mom, and then another where I was on the defense against my daughter’s grandparents. They even hired a lawyer, costed them 10 grand in retainer fees alone. I was representing myself. Luckily, I had spent the previous 2 years in business school which prepared me in the “art” of filing documents, keeping records, and effective verbal communication. It was grueling, but I emerged victorious in both cases. I’ve had full-custody for over a year, and my daughter actually started kindergarten this week! I was able to keep my cool in court by preparing; I had fake conversations in the mirror of what I thought would happen, I tackled each accusation one by one, dismantling them and proving their lies. I was able to show to the courts that I was a responsible, loving and caring parent. It was by far the most taxing, exhausting, and time-consuming ordeal I’ve ever been through but it was worth it. My daughter is now safe with me, and now she gets to spend everyday with her daddy, her little sister, and she even got to be here when her baby brother was born; whom she adores and he adores her! My family is complete <3 So here's my advice to you:
1. Keep your cool, just like the article said "act like the judge is right there with you".
2. Document everything!
3. Spend as much time at the courthouse as possible. I was going there 4-5 a week and built a report with the clerks and the judges so by the time our cases we're seen the judge knew how invested I was and knew my position.
4. If applicable/possible have CPS on your side. That should be a no-brainer. Without CPS informing me of what happened my daughter would be in a terrible place unbeknownst to me.
5. Bring as much family and friends to the court as possible. They need to know that you have a large support network of people that care about you and the welfare of your children.
It was not easy to represent myself. If you can afford a lawyer I suggest you get one. I didn't have one because I couldn't afford one, and I'm lucky that that fact alone didn't hurt my odds of winning.
Good luck to all the dads and moms that are trying to save their children.
Hard work does pay off……GREAT JOB and congratulations!
Do you work for Comcast?
Amazing your story I finally got a lawyer and now I’m going for full cousdy she has caught felonies and I have real proof of her selling guns and drugs I had my kids for two months but never filed paperwork anywhere just made police reports that I fear for their safety and that I was keeping them to keep them safe cause of her doing these things.. idk how it’s gonna go I have demostic violence charges against her but that was five yrs agao we’ve moved on and they obsliy trust me with my kids cause they agreed for them to spent a month with me she just got in app this trouble and now she wants to b a mother.,.
My husband recently filed for divorce and child custody. I do not feel that he deserves my daughters attention because he never came to see her. Every time I invited him to visit he would tell me that his mom is forcing him to go visit family and friends, so i stopped trying. He threatened me countless times, including his mom and dad, for taking my baby away from me. I don’t feel that they are fit because they do drug and party a lot and that’s not good for a two-year-old girl. I also feel that he’s uncontrollable and if he gets really upset, he’ll abuse my child the way he abused me in the pass. I am at a complete loss because he have all his family backing him up ready to lie. I did not call the police or anybody because I was so afraid by him that I just wanted to get away. Help me. I’ll give more details if this does not make any sense.
im on the same boat he is threatning me to file for custody he suffers from depression and somkes weed his mom does drug it sucks that i dont have proof of this stuff im always afraid that he will file for custody and that court will grant 50/50 i dont want my 4 month old alone with the ever… have you resolved anything yet? if so how did it go
Anyone who smokes weed has a supplier. Find out who it is. Most of them use social media to sell their drugs sooo…check her friends on facebook or twitter and find her supplier. then document each and every time they make contact for a buy. You will then know her habit. You can also speak with their neighbors and see what he is taking ,if anything. People don’t live in glass houses and if you chose to you can find what you need. Good luck
Your feelings?
I haven’t seen my son in over a year I have filed several motions for something to be done and it seems like the judge believes every little things she says I have presented evidence and she chooses to ignore it my son ask me when I talk to him why he can’t come over I could really use help from you all out there anything helps https://www.gofundme.com/e2wpa-lawyer-funding
We just went to court for riggts to my grandson and guardian litem made us out the bad guys saying we gave beautiful property and everyrhing the baby needs but we also show to much love and attention and mom is scared it will over power hers?!!bit yet suggested he stay in a filthy home,10 dogs and comfined in a bedroom with a refridgerator in it!!never brought up any of the evidence we had on the abuse the baby was going threw..my grandson is suffering..up until court we had him 5 days a week and now 4 days a month…its very sad..i hope all works out for you
She also called our property a compound cause our houses are all on one land..this is my fathers property not ours ,but made us look bad because baby had lots of learning toys and own room and a loving family…no one ever investigated any allegations and after calling cps ,she never let no one in the home…
If the Constitution were enforced, our God given rights protected and these courts were not allowed to make merchandise of the public with these stupid arguments and pointless fighting people are being made to do instead of being made to be parents the world would be a much better place to live for everyone. The Supreme Court has Long Hill did it first last would fit parents to determine what is in the best interest of their child but the courts consistently jump out there like it’s their right to determine the best interest of our children. Unless there’s a clear showing of present danger the court needs to get its damn hands off of our children and just make the parents act right!
My ex wife and I have been divorced for 1 1/2 years and she has been dating a man now for about 4-5 months. Several people have warned me that this man doesn’t have the best reputation i.e. kicked out of bars, excessive drinking and had a very volatile divorce with his ex wife. I asked her about it and she blew it off as people being gossipy or trying to make me feel better about things by putting him down. But I knew that something was strange having so many people tell me he was a bit sketchy.
I googled him and found out that 1 1/2 years ago he was arrested for Child Abuse in the 3rd degree. Allegedly his son got between his parents during a verbal altercation and the man threw his son to the ground. The charge is still pending and his final court date is in the beginning of April 2017.
Sadly, my ex wife neglected to tell me any of this information and says it is all a misunderstanding. She says he explained it to her on their second date and they are willing to work through it. But felt no need to let me know about it? He had been around our children several several times before I found out (which was 4 days ago), but I don’t think since I have found out about his pending charge.
I explained to her that there is NO way I will allow my kids to be around him with a charge pending such as this. I explained how terrible it was that I had to find out via the internet what he has done and again she down plays the magnitude of it all. She says I am asking for him to stay away to control who she spends time with, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. All I care about is that my kids are safe.
With all that being said, do I have any type of recourse that I can take to prevent him from being around my kids?
I have a son trying to get full custody of his son. His ex, had an affair and then walked out and moved in with her lover,(15 years her senior) who was also married, and he left his spouse then they lived together both being married to another. She filed for divorce after they were living together then he filed from his wife and they used the same attorney! This was three years ago, they are still living together, not married. He has abused my grandson, and she lied about it in court and the judge would not believe a three year old. She is bipolar. She and my son have joint custody, an soon is will be time for my grandson to go to school, and the court has appointed a GAL, three months ago and has done nothing yet. I am very frustrated. My son lives 90 miles from her and we are at our wits end as grandparents. She if she gets sole custody will never allow us to see our grandson again. We see him weekly now and it will not be fair to him nor us if we never get to see him again.
We are goin threw the same here,i had my grandson up to 5 days a week,everytime i confront his mother about a awful bruise or bleeding diaper rash she threatn to come get him,i met my grandson when he was 3mnths old in small clothes and a bad rash,he was a baby made from a one nite stand,my son and mother are both young,22yrs old…i was excited and stepped in to help and it became where me and my son had baby everyday,up until a mnth ago she called police and said we kidnap him after we called her about a fading black eye,mind you all this occurs in the 2 days she has him…the guardian litem said in her report that we have everything baby needs,own room beautiful clean homes loving family,but the mothers home is oppisite with 10 dogs,she said they dont shed(Chihuahuas)and they do,he has no crib and stays in a bedroom all day with no space to learn to crawl or walk with a refridgerator in it,abusive step grandmother that does not agknowlede him ,filthy home ect..but guardian made us look bad in court sayn the mother is intimidated by what we have and im to attach to baby,smh well dear i have him 5days a week because you drop him off!!judge was in our favor till guardian litem spoke and called our home a compound and use our money against the mother,first off its my fathers property,money and house we work regualr jobs and have no more than here,we are just cleaner and take care of this to be put down by a woman that knew us for 45min a day befor court,no investigation was fone and we werent allowed to show our proof of abuse and neglect, havent seen baby in a month but now judge gave us every other weeken until court in 2mnths…my heart is breaking with worry,some of the guardian litem need more classes as well as cps..i wish you all good luck if your guardian seems bias in anyway get them off your case immediately…cause the judge take there word over everything…if your guardian is older woman have them removed alot of them live my old school values,not to take child away from mother!!!its 2018 give active fathers and grandparents there rights,in our system its so hard for a father to even get a visit with there child,thats y so many young men get frustrated and stop…with young mothers having control they use baby as a weapon to get there ways…i can go on forever anyway hope all works out file for grandparents rights!!!
My story is a messed up one. My soon to be ex-wife left me for another man and is trying to take my faughter out of my life. She did this about a week before Thanksgiving. She told me to leave and I had too because we were staying at her mom’s house. This started on a Friday. She said that she was going to a “party” at 10pm and then didn’t come back until the next day around 7:30am. I took my daughter with me to show me where my wife’s brother lived where the party was at. When I got there, she called me and asked where I was at and I told her that I was out looking for her. She said that she was at home! Anyways thoughout that whole weekend, she was trying to gwt rid of me and take my daughter. She went to another party at 1ppl on Saturday also and then didn’t come back until 3:30 Sunday with police officers to escort me and “keep the peace”. She told me that it was over between me and her and that she was with her new guy now. She told me that she was going to get a restraining order against me. I asked her why and I said that I didn’t do anything to her. Anyways to make the story shorter she stried to put a protective order against me and that didn’t work. I’m in Texas by the way. So anyways she makes up a huge story about me being abusive and that I’ve pointed a gun at her, my daughter, and her family members and threatened to kill them! Now I have a restraining order against me and I only get to see my daughter 5 hours a week. 2 hours on Thursdays and 3 hours on Saturdays. She and her lawyer made this agreement and it was supposed to only be for a month. It’s almost been 3 months now. My lawyer told me to agree to this because of the protective order that she was trying to get. Now she keeps my daughter away from me as much as possible. I was visiting her at her school for lunch and she even tried to keep me from that! She wants her new man to be the father now. We haven’t been to court yet and my lawyer filed for a counter petition. I don’t know what’s going to happen… I’m trying to get physical joint conservatorship. I want her mother in her life but she doesn’t need to live with her. My daughter also says that she’s with her boyfriend all the time and tells her to mind her own business when they’re (Wife and Boyfriend) in the room together. She said that she can’t even ask her for food and has to ask her grandmother. Mother doesn’t take her to school in the morning, she stays asleep and grandmother takes her to school. The ex also says that I haven’t been in my daughter’s life much either. I ALWAYS was in my daughter’s life. She’s doing as much lying that she can do to keep her with her. Do these lies stick or will the Judge know?!?! I have my daughter and her mother both on audio recording. Her yelling and cussing at me and my daughter admitting that her mom’s boyfriend stays there and isn’t supposed to be. He not supposed to be there from 8am-10pm. He’s there every night. I’m so lost until I go to court and fight her. I have texted her am not supposed to be. She’s going to consider that harassment. My mother tried to get proof of them hiding his car in the garage and couldn’t because it was too dark. She went in my car several times and in hers also. Now the ex is saying I went over there. I really didn’t but she’s saying that I did. I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am a father of a 4 year old, i am going through a divorce and custody battle. I was not the best husband, i did not hit her, or abuse her in anyway, but i did have an affair. I was forced to move out by my wife and her family. She since has moved in her brother and mother who both use drugs around my child. After months of arguing with her about this i refused to let my son return to the house. Now i am going through a custody battle that i am afraid i can not win because i do not have the money her family does. I don’t know what to do and i am at a loss. Someone please help, if you can not afford to donate please share. I can use any advice on what to do also. http://www.gofundme.com/bd-help-with-custody
My husbands ex is trying to make it so that I cannot travel with him to pick up his son. His ex and us meet halfway in between our houses (she moved 5 hours away). I have never been mean, called her names, etc. at the pick ups. We have a hearing on December 22 to have the Court change “requested dates” to every other weekend, as she continually denies or revokes our requested weekends. Will the courts be able to stop me from driving with him to pick up his son?
we have two boys my stepchildren and my husbands ex wife tells are kids weather they are aloud to ride a skateboard or play with friends at our house and so for. is that aloud in the state of Ohio? our child tells his father that he doesn’t know what he’s doing or that he is not parenting him or his brother right because he doesn’t do the same things as there mother does. it is to the point that our child doesn’t want to do anything at our house because she tells him she will give him punishments when he gets to her house if she finds out he was doing what she asked him not to in our home. so he treats his dad as if he can not parent him. Is that against the law?
That is considered alienation of affection and can have some bearing on custody.
we have two boys my stepchildren and my husbands ex wife tells are kids weather they are aloud to ride a skateboard or play with friends at our house and so for. is that aloud in the state of Ohio? our child tells his father that he doesn’t know what he’s doing or that he is not parenting him or his brother right because he doesn’t do the same things as there mother does. it is to the point that our child doesn’t want to do anything at our house because she tells him she will give him punishments when he gets to her house if she finds out he was doing what she asked him not to in our home. so he treats his dad as if he can not parent him. Is that against the law?
my kids mom started saying to me that my two younger daughers said that I touched them wheni didn’t what should I do its not true and she knows me being a sex offender she could make them lie and have me put away what do I do
I don’t have any real good advice for you other than to keep your nose clean and Keep a journal. I understand how that situation can go. And unfortunately, there’s too many women that will intentionally trap men like that. And now you have to register if you are caught urinating in your own back yard. My prayer for you is that everything is worked out in the best interest of the children.
Definitely keep your nose clean. Assume that your spouse is recording you in one form or another. I won full custody of both of my kids after 7 years of marriage. I suspected drug use or a mental illness. I started gathering evidence as soon as i thought she had a problem. Text messages, social media, voicemail was her downfall. She also did things in the house like tagging with spray paint and general lack of cleaning up after herself. Take lots of pictures. My spouse also showed complete lack of interest with the kids. She was awarded supervised visitation twice a month but has not excercised one visit. It is her responsibility to call and arrange visitation. Not yours. She doesn’t call either. Use phone records as evidence too because your spouse will probably claim you do not allow her to talk. In my case this happened. Phone records has proven that she has made no attempt to call. It has been a really intense year. BTW, it can be expensive. $5k retainer + all your filing fees.
Im going through something similar…. how long was the whole process of gaining custody?
I’m a father of a 7 month old baby boy. The mother refuses to let me see my child, whom l love dearly. We’re not married , she lives in a domestic violence shelter in nyc , she’s unemployed , also has a 2 year old daughter and 21 year old daughter. They all live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I’m married with 3 grown children ( 31, 28, 18) , (2 boys and 1 girl ). Of course I’m in the dog house since l told my wife of my crazy deed !! Anyway, my loving wife of 31 years ( together for 39 years) , forgave me ( I’m blessed to have a good and forgiving wife, ( hm, 39 years are 39 days) . Bottom line is l would like custody of my son , I’m self employed ( a 2 man crew in a wood working shop in Brooklyn NY ). What are my chances of gaining custody , I want my son badly. I have a 6 bedroom home , occupied by me , my wife and 18 year old son ( Brooklyn, NY )
I’m in the same situation. Just starting out please contact me not sure if you finished in court yet. Fighting for my 2 month old daughter mom won’t let me see her.
I’m trying to find out what my rights are as a father with a 16 year old daughter that has been clearly dating and posting sexual pic’s of them both on the internet with no clothes on and in sexual positions, the post say ” look at my snow bunny” well you could imagine as a father how upset I am. My soon to be ex wife says she doesn’t care what my daughter does as long as she’s happy, she’s also drinking with her mom and getting high.. now when I moved out my daughter was a cheer leader and played softball, now all she cares about is having sex and getting high… she won’t see me anymore because I have a problem with what she’s doing… what are my rights? I don’t no what to do… I’m so afraid she’s gonna end up hurt or pregnant. Should I call dyfs? Can I go to the court’s and ask for custody? What if she doesn’t want to go with me?… I really need help.. thank you from a very desperate father..
We are all screwed bud. The court system does not care. We care about our children, but the court system only cares about the best interest is to be with the mother. Look out what they turn out to be. God help this country man.
Not true. I won full of both of my children. I have a 7 and 8 year old. My spouse was mentally unstable and we were able to prove it. I was awarded full custody.
I am currently dealing with an unstable ex girlfriend who is pregnant with my child. I have overwhelming evidence of her harassing me at work and chasing me in her car countless times. I filed a complaint at the county attorneys office. They sent her a cease and desist communications letter. She pretended like she never got the letter and continued to harass me. Now she is being charged with two counts of stalking and harassment communications. After being served she filed and EPO/DVO against me and told the court that i was abusing her when i lived with her and the DVO held up. She had been abusing me and anytime i tried to leave the house she would block my exit. If i tried to move her out of the way she would scream as if i was hurting her. She told the court that she was afraid of me but i had moved out of her house months before this as well as blocked her number. She has been all over Facebook calling me a deadbeat dad. Is this enough to prove her mental state is not sound? Keep in mind I have text messages where she is telling me she is going to come find me if i don’t come back to her house. Also I have text messages where she basically apologizes for threatening to shoot me in the head with her gun.
how did you prove it?
very true Gary. you just got lucky, enjoy your babies! happy for you
This is the most honest and true comment here.
Not true. There are some judges out there that care about the well being of a child. It may have taken 3 yrs for me, and 14 grand, but I did win custody of my son.. Fathers have rights. We just have to fight for them. Only failure is when you give up.
You’re best bet is to call CPS and tell them what is going on. Make sure to say you are “more than willing to take care of her”(custody) but if that is an issue a heroine addict willing to sell her for Sex to strangers would Be more bemoficial and give her a better chance for a future.., before you get off the phone with them, tell them you recorded the conversation, so you can sue them personally. Stupidity is the job of the CPS worker, based on my minimum of 6 investigations they really seem to be sociopaths, so come up with something that their job may depend on..
I was recently subpoenaed by my ex, in a custody hearing, however I was not prepared with my lawyers, and he won, during this I was and am in the middle of my wedding, should I go on with my wedding,or cancel.HELP
Our son’s wife began an affair while they were still married. They had two young children, and she moved out of their home with their two children, and in with this other man. My son was nothing but a good husband and father, and did not deserve this. What makes it worse is that the children are girls, who will now think that it’s perfectly appropriate for a woman to jump from one man’s bed to another. She does not work. She lived off of my son, and now she is living off of this other guy. My son has a good job and is a wonderful father an provider. She is a terrible role model for her two impressionable daughters, and does nothing to provide for them financially (other than get public assistance). I believe he should attempt to get full custody of the girls. We (his parents) will be here to help him with childcare while he works, so he has a very strong support team.
Same here sir. My daughter is 4 years old. Her mother had two children through 2 different men and now this is her third child with the third man which is me. She told me all kinds of stories about her ex’s and her boys and how they were deprived and all that. Only to know that my soon to be ex is currently sleeping with a guy in another state and took my child and ran away. Because, she was going to take care of her two adult children. Her mom and dad are the same and they had multiple kids through multiple marriages, but the court system does not care.
I asked the same question where are the morals and values, and she is a poor role model for my child. I do not want my child to be turning out like her and her grand mother and I am fighting for her custody. Do you think I am going to get it, NO way, the court wil decide and give it to her as it is the best interest that the child stay with the mother.
I am glad that you all are there to support your son. I do not have parents nor anybody to support me in my grief. A woman who gave a divorce when my mother was in critical state and she wanted a divorce and did not even care that my mother passed away and she was all up and busy running to jump in bed with another guy in another state. Now, the court does not even care to bring my daughter back as she removed the child from the state. This is how the court systems are. Well, at age 50 she is now wanting to me to pay child support for another 15 years when I was thinking that I was going to save money for my retirement. I never wanted to have a child, and she coerced me to have a child and then now she wants child support and maintenance. This is how some woman are in this country. Do I really have any belief in this justice system, I don;t think so and I have lost it.
Sounds very similar to my situation. i have 2 girls and a boy. when my ex and I split up she decided she wanted to move out of state, back where she is from. I felt so guilty about forcing her to live somewhere she doesn’t want to that I allowed her o move so to be closer to family. Within a month my children were introduced to a new man and she has been trying to take advantage of me since. I just wanted to do things civil. Now I’m getting a lawyer and will be fighting for full custody.
My son is going through a similar situation,in this case him and his wife have two children,whom the wife hasn’t let my son see in almost 2 years,she cheated on him had a child with this other man who is a policeman,my son has always tried to be an active part of his kids life but she is a bitter and hate-filled person who is using my grandchildren as pawns because she knows my son loves his children unconditional with all his heart and soul. She has lied over and over again to put a better light on herself,but we know the truth. She and her family are horrible people.She tries to use social media as a way to gain sympathy and people who know only her lies and not the facts want to chime in on something that they don’t know. My son will be filling for divorce and full custody rights of his kids and We(his family and friends) will help him get through this.
I’m not exactly sure if this issue for your son has been resolved or not Karen, but I first want to let you know that my heart aches for you all, especially the children as they are the true victims in all of this. Now, I would suggest that he immediately go to the court and file for dissolution of marriage, legal separation or at least temporary custody and support. My suggestion is he separate himself from his wife because if she gets pregnant right now from the new guy and they are still legally married, then he is presumably the father and will be liable for child support (*I’m not even kidding a little bit) because they were married at the time of conception.
We hope that will never happen, but just in case-cant be too certain.
Additionally, without a custody order in place she shouldn’t have removed them from the home period unless domestic violence was involved until a case was pending in family court. That doesn’t look that great on her part to a family court judge, especially if she is doing anything to interfere with his custodial time with the girls.
Please remember the most important thing of all-no matter how angry you get, or how much you want to scream….keep it in check! Never bad mouth their mom in front of your son or the children-the reason being it creates a whole bunch of psychological blame stuff for your son, and your granddaughters are equal parts of them both and they will start to wonder if you also feel that way about them…..stay strong mom! keep your chin up because your son is going to need all the love and support he can get from you right now.
I came here to find d pout my rights as a mother I want my child’s father to have shared custody but I don’t aprove of his 1 friend who disrespected my wishes I kindly told her she needs to leave him alone so he can focus on being a father but she doesn’t listen together they smoke weed and party all the time wich I’m fine with at times till it becomes a thing where he skips our daughters a point men’s even goes to work late be ouse he was putting her first I fear if he can’t put his baby above his friends his friends will end up distorying the child’s relationship with me and we there dad n the drinking I don’t care for he has beat me up not ok
in recent times, the trend is starting to become secretely sabotaging your partner in order to ensure that you win custody. some folks that do this usually don’t do it for their kid but for themselves and to spite the partner. i advise that if you know your partner will be a better parent you shoul not do such but if your partner seems to be the one to win custody and you are sure your child will be better off with you as you can teach him better values and morals then you should not waste a second. contact payloader,at,tutanotadotcom he can help you get dirt on your partner and if your partner is without dirt, he is able to fabricate enough dirt on your partner to tip the battle to your end.
But what if it’s the mom and her parents doing all the above to.the father for years now ? Also the mother had his kids in drug related situations for many many days and her parents knew about it and did nothing. Not til the mother in law found out and called dcf. Was. Anything done to help the kids and the father was never notified and his kids are in care of the mothers parents. And the father has all his rights violated by the courts and by the state of Florida. No one will tell him why his kids are not with him he had no criminal records no drug records. Nothing at all yet he isn’t aloud to have his kids please help please
I have a question if dfs has taken your children and they want to give the grandparents rights to adopt what do I need to do to show myself so I can fight this battle
Beware , these rules do not always apply, in my divorce in cook county , the so-called “experts” ignored my family’s situation and allowed the mistreatment to continue , now in a new arena , they call family court . Be very careful , do your research , because , family court is a very dangerous place for people trying to escape a marriage based in power and control. From my experience the family court system was filled with misconduct, malpractice, etc. they do not care about your or your children . I don’t think much has changed after my divorce in 1999 – yes 1999 and the next 15 years were about excessive litigation . The real problems were never really addressed. God help us!
I am going through this right now. I would love to speak to someone about their experience, maybe give me advice as to what direction I should take.
O
Mine is very different n very painful n confused !!! My 20yr old Son was dating this girl who was pregnant by some other guy my son was there for her thur her pregnancy n even watch the child that wasnt his be born . They lived together n began having problems n they would split up n shed go back n forth between her babys daddy n my son . N my son loved this girl very much n around June of 2014 she told my Son she wanted nothing to do with him n kicked him out of the place they both once lived in On July 2 2014 My Son was shot n killed by police officers n i was left without my Son who had a older sister n younger brother n my X !!! But we were left with this horrible tragedy that left us suffering with the pain left without our son to bury him and never see him again and all the sudden we’re going through a process in suing the police who killed our son and all the sudden this girl that comes it back in the picture and claims she has a kid from my son now that he’s gone and the kid was born on February 27th 2014 butt she was saying and telling my son that the ex-boyfriend of her first child was the father and that’s why she kicked him out and come to find out the guy went to jail and she was trying to get child support from this guy and the guy wanted a paternity test and come to find out it was not the father so now during this whole time with fighting for justice for my son and sewing the police she comes in the picture and tries to say the child is my son’s and that messes up my whole case now because now there’s a child involved that my son never knew about so I’m really upset and really sad because if it is my son’s child I would want to be a part of my son’s child but she refuses to have anything to do with me and I think she would play games with the child and our family and I think she’s in it for the money which I don’t care about the money I just want Justice for my son but why would she do this now that I’m trying to fight a battle so hard to fight and she made it even harder now I don’t know what to do
Narcissistic personality disorder is driving her case , run don’t walk , she will make the rest of life miserable , stay far away from family court and live your life without her .
Hi, I am scouring the web to get ready, for going to court with my ex. Right now my narcissistic ex is refusing to allow my son to be in the ADAPT program at school (He has severe ADHD)
https://annecarolinedrake.com/2010/02/20/educating-your-judge-custody-battles-pas-litigation-abuse/
And I feel that this will most likely become a custody battle as he is threatening to do this.
From the moment I left him and took my soon it has been hell. When we went to court to figure put the my lawyer made it so that we didn’t go before the judge with this so I had to be around my ex the whole time. While living with him he was (and still is) emotionally and mentally abusive to me and my son. Every thing that he did he projected on me saying I did them. Like when our son had been out of the hospital (he was in the NICU for a month as he was premature.) He laid around on the couch all day, wouldn’t even touch our son, yelled, screamed, barked orders, would leave me there for most of the day, woke up both up early at 2 am as he had several of his drinking buddys over and they all were loud and obnoxious.
He’s threatened to kill me and dump my body into a mine pit. He’s threatened to take off with our son so I’ll never see him again. He’s played “games” where he half dropped our son as a baby and caught him just to scare and anger me. He’s smoked weed and done meth with our son in the house.
Hew’s gaslighted me by taking my belongings and moving them somewhere else and then putting them back to where they were a few days late, and saying I must be loosing my memory. (This is only one example.)
He would constantly tell me I can’t do things, my memory is bad, that I have poor self esteem and on and on. He’d do stuff like yell and scream for hours on end and then to prove to me how incompetent I am try and make me find a business in the phone book that didn’t exist.
And when I finally scrounged up the cur rage to leave him I have to go thouh this legal hell and get misrepresented my an awfull loweer who ends up siding with my ex! He ended up with 50-50 cutady. Now our son is six years old and saying that his dad is hitting him on the head when he doesn’t eat his food fast enouh. DMy son has huge food issues because his dad is forcing him to eat when he isn;t houngery and as I won’t push him to eat at home he almost never eats except before bed time.
He sends me abusive and treating text messages harasses me on face book. This has to end I will not allow my son to be treated this way. I don’t care what I have to do to fight him but I will never stop until my son is safe and happy. I’ll sell everything I own if I have to.
My heart goes out to both mothers and fathers going this I hope the link I provied helps you. The site has a pdf that you can open, and print to give to the judge and attorneys to help them understand and what not to do when an abusive parent is involved. (Like 50-50 custody and making the other parent be around the abusive one.
My ex got physical with me during a fight so I left, when I came back he had packed all of my stuff in garbage bags and shoe boxes. What was the fight about? Our then 3.5 year old child shook a straw and some chocolate milk went on the floor. He started screaming and berating our child telling him that act ruined our day. Nice. He has since stopped working and is on disability for mental health. He let the mortgage on what was our family home go into foreclosure so he could move in with his buddy. His buddy is a convicted drug dealer(still sells even though he has been to prison) convicted domestic abuser and has also committed a B&E. Neither of them work, besides selling drugs. He brings our son to coke dealers houses and leaves him unattended in the basement so he can go outside to get high. He threatens me and bullies me. His roommate’s current girlfriend also does not work and has a child who bullies our child and calls him names. My ex does not let me see our child through the week because I work, I don’t get home until 8:30 PM, apparently that’s too late. He doesn’t work because of mental health, claiming he has a hard time leaving home without having panic attacks but maintains a very active social life. He spanks our child hard enough to leave welts that last a week. He is a loser and I don’t want to have to deal with him for the next 15 years. I won’t do anything because honestly he scares me, but also because, as much of a loser as he is I still think it’s important that our child maintains a relationship with his father, but I am always worried what kind of life our child is living with him. If I were to do something I would be pegged as the nasty vindictive ex who took our child away from him.
You need to get your son far far away from that man asap.
I believe it’s imperium
Important to aim these things at mothers as well. I know some very low life mothers not just father’s. I feel this is a slam to men because it makes it seem as though just men do these things.
If it makes you feel any better , family court destroyed my family without that blink of an eye. I do not see family court malpractice being gender biased . I’m sorry for you that your caught in the cesspool of disgust .
well my fiancé left me a month ago we been together for 11 years and I have three kids but the two smallest one is his we been rocky and haven’t had any sex or any loving since October I will ask him if he was seeing someone but deny it all the time he started coming late from work saying is events and so on since he left he block me of Instagram facebook and I found out he was talking to a girl anyways I took him to child support and for custody it would of been different if we talked or care for the boys so child support I took him now he is complaining he cant get the kids cause he has no money cause I took to him to child support but found out he is living with this big girl he took the car and we having a court date for custody in a week so he claims he cant get them due to law so he hasn’t called them or came to see them and its hard for me cause I suffer with the kids everyday from taking them to school and doctors apt espically my youngest he has a disability and he says I put family before him and I was never there for him all lies and he is a coward I’m so hurt that I even have to go through this and don’t jnow what to do next.
I am hopefully towards the end of a three year divorce. Every time we get close to a court date, he decides he doesn’t like something in the agreement. I have move to a different city, to get a new start. In or temporary order we both agreed to not have our son around a significant other. However I have become so tired of this game he is playing that I have let my son meet my significant other. They get along great and he would never try to take the place of his dad. Is there anyway this could back fire on me?????
I have asked numerous of times to please not have my kids around three certain people because they talk poorly about me to my kids they have her asked me detente to me they used to be my friends and then now they have went and started being friends with my ex I’ve been friends with them like since growing up before I even knew my ex before we even got married and now they’re hanging out with him and I just asked him not to have kids around them well he is deliberately hanging out with them when he has my kids told him he can do whatever he wants on his own time and his personal time just please not to have him around my kids. Doesn’t this fall under some kind of respect or not following something I let him call the kids anytime you wants to let him take him whenever he wants to even if it’s not his weekend if he has something going on with his family I let him take him and I feel like he does this just to hurt me.
Your kids deep down know the truth. Amazing that these people trash talk a child’s mother , when this happened to me , my kids eventually started to hate those people . Keep doing what your doing ! Stay far away from family court because , family court is a dangerous place that wants to destroy innocent children , don’t let that happen.
“If she hits, pushes, punches, or otherwise makes contact with you in an offensive way while she is angry, you need to call the police. Such behavior should be reported. The police will treat her the same way they would have treated you and she will go to jail. ”
Not the case in Minnesota. I called the police and I have been removed from the house and stayed overnight at the hotel. Latter on I went to the sheriff’s office and asked why this did happen. The police told me that 95% of abuses come from men, so it is very unlikely they will remove a wife from the house. And he there are kids involved, she will NEVER go to jail!
Gentlemen, keep this in mind.
Jim,I think you like the drama. Maybe you should just “stand down” and let her handle the situation. It is possible that she is not the “damsel in distress” that she wants you to believe.
I have been divorced for over 6 to 7 years my daughter is 9. I am remarried as of last August. My first and most important question is I took her back to court am I allowed to serve her the papers because she was yelling at me that it was no good because I served her the papers. I am not trying to take my child away from her. I said that during the school year my daughter stay with me and she could still get her Friday ,Saturday and Sunday twice a month and in the Summer time go back to half and half. Now to the bad points my child has had head lice 8 times in two and half years and my ex will not do it properly so I have taken her for 18 days do the cleaning and then do the cleaning with the lotion 7-9 days later just to make sure plus hours of nitting my daughter has very thick hair. My daughter has missed 27 days last year and it close to that this year. Her mom does not make her go to school and I hold very important. She has to watch her younger brother and sister she tells me and that is why she is up so late. Another thing I can never get hold of her by phone it is either dead or she just turns it off. The school does not even call her anymore just me. I am wondering what is going to happen in court this time I am not trying to take my daughter away from her mother it is just not healthy over in that house. She had a child before I was with her and I had one daughter with her. She had two more kids with my best friend that she cheated on against me but he passed away from Cancer which really sucks we had gotten over that. Now she is with a guy that has his own two boys 13 and 15. So all together there are 6 kids in a 3 bedroom house and there are no bed times so I think it is just as well that she stay with me during school I am not asking for the money back that is what she said to me I did not even think about that. So any input on the first question is important and what do you think will happen in court this being the third time back.
Wow. It sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. Get a lawyer. Make it a request that she get evaluated by a mental health specialist that really understands the personality disorder. They are sometimes misdiagnosed or missed by otherwise good mental health professionals. Good luck and blessings to your child
If you’re a GOOD man and a GREAT dad in New York State, like me, good luck. These judges see so many deadbeats that they wouldn’t recognize a good father if he were their own. They put everyone in the same basket and just make decisions based on their mood that day, instead of facts.
From Suffolk County to Erie County, New York family court judges are the worst in the nation. I feel sorry for the children…and hope the system changes sooner rather than later, too many families have been destroyed because of incompetence.
True, family court is a dangerous place
Family court wouldn’t know what a good parent was if they were hit over the head with one !
What court?
My girlfriend really wants her daughter but her sister won’t give her back to her. We live in California and before I meet her she was on the streets homeless with a guy who hit her. She told me that she was living with her sister at one time after her husband left her and the kid. While living there her sister gave her a curfew at 10 pm when she was 5 minutes late she told her the kid stays here and took back the house keys. So when she came by to see her daughter she never answer the door are the phone. When she applied for homeless and the welfare told her to bring her kid and her sister did not let her get her own daughter and told her to not mess up her case. So when I got with her she took me to her moms house and while we where there she found child helper papers and papers for showing up to court and the 60 days where up cause her mom hid the papers and never told her nothing. But now it says she has to pay her sister child helper. I thought that was beytween husband and wife only. And also on the papers her sister says she ain’t married and she is he has a good job and that she don’t work and she does she has 3 jobs and own a house. So why is she getting welfare for her daughter and putting my girlfriend her sister threw hell and the all go to church. Is this even fare.
i went thru a lengthy custody battle w/my sons father(whom i never married). my son will be 5 soon and the father was recently awarded 50/50 custody even after his “priors” which i was not aware of until i started looking into. my sons father and grandmother know i have no money to fight in court but i do b/c i will fight for my son until the end. i have to constantly deal w/the name calling and being talked to like i have no rights to our son. i am the mother and domicile parent. he’s even yelled and cussed me in front of our son. so i can see both sides for the good fathers and mothers in the world. i too had to learn to watch what i say and let him say things and he does thru text. hes even gone as far as verbally attacking my mother in a court house. so you see what i’m dealing with when he doesnt get his way.
i am even called white trash when i am the one paying him child support now. so i’ve learned no matter how nice you are or adult you are, when you have a “bad” seed you are dealing with, there is now winning. i let my sons father say what he wants and pray one day my son will see it wasnt me causing alot of problems thru all of this. i am thankful i have a great husband that sees me thru all of this.
So sorry, family court where i live is deplorable , they could care less about children , all they want is for you to go broke, or they would be happy if you worked the rest if your life and turned your paycheck over to them , family court I’d dangerous be very careful , the do not think of children , we had 3 suicides by young children jumping in front of trains , they all had one thing in common ” they and their parents were victims of family court “. It is a never ending cesspool waiting to destroy your family .
Some parents just want custody arrangements so the other parent can’t constantly blow their child off and/or only get her on days that he has to work and his new perfect girlfriend can watch our child instead of him.
It’s not always about money.
I don’t want money. I just don’t want my baby girl tossed around like a rag doll from home to home, then when I go to get her on my day “no, sorry but you knocked on my door, and she is not ready, despite us agreeing on this time and place to get her, i’m going to slam the door in your face then call the police and claim harassment”, Yeah. And guess what, the police show up, and when mommy over here says “I was just trying to pick my daughter up, but he won’t give her to me…” what does mr. officer say? “Well who has custody of her?” oh…. nobody…. soooo we can’t help you sorry no kidnapping here no wrong-doing here.
People don’t fight each other. It is us against them. This dhs & cps system is stealing our children and prolonging cases because they can not get any evdance to keep the child or in my case the children.
Does anyone know what I can file to get the order that was already made. The Judge termanaded CINA case and dismissed my children came back home after eight months. sorry about the spelling I was in a hurry always am these days.
I’m a great Dad to my Beautiful 11 year old Daughter . I get her every other weekend and I pick her up through the week days to go to the YMCA or just spend time with her . I’ve been devorce 2013. my Ex is addicted to pain killers and recently was caught smoking opiates through a pipe. My Daughter tells me that mommy locks herself in her room with her strange boyfriend . Daughter has to text her mom in the same house to get her out. Also my Daughter has been left alone many times and it goes back several years. The Ex and my Daughter just recently was evicted from the place they have been living 10 years. And now is with her 5th boy friend which all of them look skinny and trashy looking. So what is my FN rights ….how can the Law and state allow this??!? I pay the Ex very good for child support and she drives a 2014 Audi which she just recently purchased. Is there anything I can do ?? I don’t have $20.000 dollars to get my Daughter. It’s not fair !! I can’t afford a Lawyer. why can’t the state help my Daughter and I??? The State had NP getting child support!! They don’t give a crap about the safety of my child. As long as the mom gets money for her needs not my child’s .
I am a mom and on the day of my court divorce date I was put in a “sercured part of the court house behind a locked door” is what the judge called it. I was put in a closed court room and I had 9 other people there to support me and observe and when they went to the door and turned the door knob it was locked and hit a button no one would answer them to buzz them in, so needless to say I was put through the ringer and my 4 year old was taken away from me with no evidence of any wrong doing. I know and my attorney says they know that we were set up and put in a locked courtroom and I can’t get anyone to help me. I have call dozens of lawyers and no one will torch my case because they all know if they go up agents a judge there career is over. and i have even went to Family and Childrens services to help get my son back and they can’t help me even with a open case of my ex’s girlfriend abusing my son.
will someone please tell me what to do? who can help me? and yes , my ex got all the money and I don’t have another $15,000 to pay another lawyer to help me get my son back or if I did with me still being under this judge i will never win.
Can anyone help me???
My story is a long and complicated one, but will shorten it the best way that I can. Back in October of 2014, I discovered some info about my spouse that I was being cheated on, which is what led to the mess I am about to talk about. During our time together up until marriage and then divorce, we took care of my son, from a previous relationship, from the first day he was born. The biological father came to the hospital to sign the birth certificate and only seen the child for the first 3 months after birth, then disappeared. I had tried to contact him through phone calls, only to find the number disconnected. So I reached out through facebook messaging where it would only show he read my messages but would never reply. This went on for a solid year and a half. I had even went to the extent of contacting child support because I was drowning and couldn’t find a job. I had left my job previous to discovering I was pregnant and stayed on prenatal care. Which I did not go back to work so I could care for my son due to limitations. Anywho, getting off topic, child support attempted to reach out multiple times without response, letters were being returned, had an order for DNA testing and guess what? NO SHOW! Could not establish anything. So I sold everything I had to make money to get by until I could find a job. After going through several jobs, he finally contacts me in October 2014 and informs me he wants to see his son and that he was unstable before but isn’t now. During this time I was having issues with the spouse, like mentioned before. My mother informed me that my spouse was abusive to my son. No one had any proof of anything, not to mention I was working when it was supposedly witnessed. Prior to filing for divorce, I contacted the father back in regards to seeing his son and also expressing the issue at hand. Wanting to remove my son from the line of fire and away from any potential harm to be safe. I also had to save up money to file for my divorce due to not having the finances. I also explained this to the father. He understood and we had a verbal agreement on the matter. My son would visit for a few hours a day at first because he had not clue who his father was. So we started out slow and worked up to weekends. The father wanted more time with him, so I worked it up to a week at a time. Then after Christmas 2014, I began a new job in January 2015, working full time and 3pm-midnight with only 2 days off. I tried my hardest to see my son when I was off work and sometimes my mother would have him with her at her house. My schedule stayed hectic for about 3 months, then it changed and I could see my son at reasonable hours with consecutive days off. My mother was getting my son every other weekend prior to my new schedule. Then visitation gradually went up to where my mother would have my son for a whole week every other week beginning in may 2015 and we would switch off during those times on my days off. Everything was working out great, I was getting on my feet with my new job and residence, I had gotten my divorce shortly after. I remarried 4 months later, October 2015. My son absolutely loves my husband and even calls him dad for some reason. I had seen my son last at the end of September 2015, but when my mother went to get my son, the father refused to let either one of us have my son back. Did not have a court order and neither parent has custody granted. It’s who ever has the child has physical custody until one is granted custody. Now we are about to go through a court battle where his petition states I am unstable and I live with my ex spouse, who was supposedly abusing my son. Everything stated was false information. I am just wondering, do they sort through the lies to determine everything? Or do they grant based off of falsified information. I have a stable job, income, car, drivers license, house, married, etc. He has no car, no license, no job, and not married. He receives a disability check and VA benefits. He also just got a house a few months back where he pays rent. I don’t know how they would ever consider him stable and more fit. I’m a little worried with all the lies being told.
It’s refreshing to see that there are men who will actually fight to be with their kids. I am currently going through a divorce and my husband, who still lives in the house, is going off every weekend and leaving his kids behind so he can be with his girlfriend and her kids. When he is home during the week, he spends all of his time at the gym and then on the computer and texting her. Aside from having a girlfriend and leaving every weekend, this has been standard operating procedure since we’ve been married. I have begged him to stay home at least every other weekend and spend time with his kids. I applaud you gentlemen here who want to be with your children. Good luck with your battles and I hope you win them.
Beware… Men who fight ? Fight to keep there kids away from a parent who loves them ?
Im a man and im fighting…yes cause inhave 2 daughters thst dont need to see there mother jumping from one man to another. She has also had dcf report with neglect,abuse and endangerment…. she is also a drug addict and an alcoholic and blames everything on me or someone else or some circumstance… she lies about everything to save face. I have had my daughters fulltime for the past 2 years and in that 2 years she didnt call or get gifts for birthdays or christmas. She goes months without calling or seeing them..she has since lost custody of my 11 yr old stepdaughter who i raised since she was 2yrs old and inhave been the only man she has ever called dad now lives with her grandma in colorado and she is not allowed to speak to her sisters per grandma… oh and here is a fun one. My youngest fell out of a second story apartment window under her care when she was 2yrs old and did nothing..i had ro leave work to take her to the hospital cause she had been drinking and cleaning so she says. My oldest is 5 and she has rage toward ger mother and doesnt want to see her or talk to her most days. Tomorrow will be the first time they have seen there mother since thanksgiving and its not cause of me keeping them from her. She would have to actually call them first… im currently going through my divorce with her and i feel thr only reason she is even calling (which she is still failing to call at the time we have agreed toisnall for show causeshe had not spoke to them or seen them since november 2016 its now april 2017) is cause she got surved witj divorce papers otherwise she would more than likely still have not called. I am umable to afford a lawyer while she jas another new boyfriend whos paying for hers while she doesnt work…i am currently om a waiting list for daycare voucher from the state of florida sono can go get a meaningless job since i am unable to do what i went to school for…im a commercial diver in Jacksonville fl and in the gulf of mexico. I walked away from my career and a hope for my children to be able to go tongood colleges and o had to walk away and become a fulltime dad. I was recentlt living down 3hrs south of Jacksonville and moved back up to Jacksonville to find her and my parents live here so thesupport has been amazing. They only alloe me to stay in there home while i take care of my divorce for free since i have been cancelled by the state for ebt assistance and daycare.. what should i do in regaurds to not having a laywer and unable to afford one and my family doesnt have any money to lend or they would…any suggestions would be nice and helpful
After that, the pace at which your current cell
manages to lose mass turns into too excellent and outpaces your grazing
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I love my wife and kids very much. She left cause had feelings for another man. All I wanted was shared parenting and she doesn’t want to work with me so u fortunately I had to file. But now I. The bad person in her eyes even thought the first 6 weeks my daughter slept in a floor with 8 people in the house instead of the bed shes been I. The last 8 hears. Didn’t want to get ugly but she just sees dollar signs. Doesn’t matter that I gave her showers most of the time, put her to bed her whole life and picked her up from sitter everyday. Now all of a sudden im not good enoght to do that. All I want is shared with my sweet 8 year old girl who I might add is taking all this very well and loves every second were together. Scared to death dad in ohio
You should probably leave that stuff to your wife and her ex. Exes tend to be very hostile towards new husbands.
There definitely needs to be reform in the court system. Because right now it’s very one sided. Men really have no rights.
need some advice ty
my father passed away I was in the will I had the house an etc but my sister I been fightin with wont give me my stuff I hsve coming help ty briggs
Sorry he will be 5 next year
My oldest son is going to be next year. his mom and I were together his first year and split after that. We alternated weeks for a month. Then we got into an argument about money. I had a decent job she moved in with her parents. So every Sunday when we met to exchange I took them and got everything he needed for the week and filled her car up with gas and away I went. She then starts asking for more and more money which I didn’t really have a whole lot to give. After the argument she accused me of being a bulky and being afraid of me. Denied contact with my son, said I needed supervised visits for 2 months. So during that time I drove down a couple of times to see him. But when this happened the money stopped flowing. It became hard on her so she let me have weekend visitations. I’m going to fast forward, she later loses her place to stay couch hopes for a while so she decides it’s best for him to come stay with me, my new girlfriend (now my wife) And my son that is on the way (now 3). I have taken care of him since he was 20 months old. Didn’t not receive one dime from her. Got him caught up on his vaccinations. Provided medical insurance. She of course got every other weekends and alternating holidays and such. Last year she got in trouble with drugs was in jail and rehab. Let her parents take him while she was incarcerated. Here the start of this year I knew he would be going to preschool starting a couple months ago I felt bad told her we will split the month him spend 2 weeks there and 2 weeks with me tI’ll school starts. Low and behold what happens she files paperwork at the end of July which makes it where I can’t enroll him here because her lawyer is pushing for her to have physical custody. There is a lot more to this woman and the many boyfriends and partying she has done. I’m a father of soon to be 3 Lil boys haven’t received any government help, I’m 27 years old and I’m being drug through the mud like some terrible person. I’ve always taken criticism well but this is a whole other ball game and it’s wore me so thin that it’s hard to talk to my lawyer about this.
What a friggin joke. no wonder so many men walk away and dont pay. the system is a legal scam for mothers to steal children for a paycheck and give them absolute power.
i fought for 7 years for my sons rights to see me. i finally had to walk away. she had finally won her estrangement campaign of parental alienation even tho my son loved me. its disgusting. some men try, but i see why so many walk away now. it took me 7 years of fighting to see its a losing battle. that poor boy……only god knows if ill ever see him again.
Absolutely!
Torn solo mum.
My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. My daughter to another man was 6 months old. The relationship was violent and abusive. It was on again off again for 3 years in which he has very little to do with her in the way of “caring and raising ” her. I fell pregnant and a son to him, he did nothing to care or raise him either. The relationship became a lot worse and I moved away when he was 5 months old. He still had little to do with them but i felt would use access to them as a gateway to continue control and abuse. When I got him trespassed he filled for week about. I applied for a protection order after he assaulted me at one of the change overs. I allow him every 2nd weekend supervised and he has remained consistent for over a year, but he is now fighting for guardianship of my daughter which I refuse because of his abusive and aggressive nature. I was concerned with things my daughter had been telling me and have now stopped all access to her but he continues to see his son. She sometimes says she wants to see him and at other times she doesn’t. I want to keep him away from her but am caught between knowing if I am making the right decision or not. She does not know her real dad, he is the only father figure she knows but I feel he is not a good influence on her. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and I fare he is the same towards me. Have I made the right choice?! Any advice appreciated.
And I fare he is the same towards her *
I have court this week and it seems my ec has either read this page or been helped by someone who knows how to hurt a man because I’m being accused of everything on here from abuse on her to hurting my children, drugs and death threats .. when I am the mother and the father to my kids because she is never home , always running the roads selling pills and Escorting old men for extra money .. am I just done for ? Is there anything I can do ?
I don’t know what to do….I am a mother of a 2 year old that her dad has had her since march and we was never married but forced me to leave.my child …..and he’s a sex offender and I am suppose to have her on weekends but I don’t and it more complicated and I don’t have the money plus.I’m pregnant with my soon to be husband. And I’m afraid that child services will involve my pregnancy and my soon to be husband and his family what do I do???
Ok I’m having an issue. My ex has actually put his hands on my I have bruises and a broken finger and a dented car. He has starved my son in the past. He would rather buy his new girlfriend’s sisters kids toys for their birthday then his own son. I’m alwaysure the one who asks if he wants to see jax he never asks. I have currently filed for custody. He told me he didn’t want him and so did his girlfriend. I am going to first step woman abuse. I am scared an having anxiety. I don’t want him alone with my son or his new girlfriend around my son. I’m afraid my baby will come back dead or hurt. I’ve gone to the hospital and I have heart damage and I’m close to a heart attack. Someone please give me advice
I’m currently going through some issues with custody for my two daughters which are 5 and 6. My ex and I have been together for 12 years. Almost 6 months ago she was forced into treatment for drug abuse! She had a habit of taking of on my daughter’s and myself. It was a pattern, like every two or three months she would start an argument so I would either tell her to leave or to the point where I get angry enough and she will play damsel in distress. She would be gone a couple hours and she would be hooked up with some guy she claims is a “friend” and finally her mother got sick of her behavior of drug abuse and either taking off on my daughters or drag them along with her because nobody wanted to enable her behaviors. She was signed into treatment when she took off the last time. While in treatment we agreed to make our relationship work. So for 4 months we were getting along great until she come home.for a visit and my daughter showed me her pictures in her phone. She had 13 selfies with some guy she used to run around with 3 years ago, 2 of the pictures this guy was kissing her cheek. I confronted her and she exclaimed it was nothing and to.get over it! Then the.next day I.heard her voicemail and this guy left a message, begging her to see him and he asked if she gotten the $75, which was what I wired to her for cigarettes, body wash, etc. So I.became really concerned and asked to.speak with her councilor because we were having relationship problems because of this. Then I.found out she revoked my release, so I couldn’t talk about about her anymore or have info.relayed to me because of confidentiality. So this went on for a couple weeks and the day before she graduated she tried to break up with me. I’ve always had my children, even when she would take off. We were waiting for.her to.get better and come home, then this was a curveball thrown.at my.daughter’s , and I. The day she graduated she took off with another guy from the treatment center. She is currently still with this guy, it’s been 3 weeks, and she only come home once and seen my daughter’s for 3 hours and took.off again. There is a lot of animosity I.have towards her and we were basically abandoned by the mother of my children. I know for a fact that she.is.still abusing drugs and to make.matters worse she is.involved with a guy who has felony domestic batteries on his.record plus he is gang affiliated. I stayed faithful to my ex during the.time she was away in.treatment, I sent her $, I drove 4 hours.to.pick her up or to visit her, taken care of.our.children, believing she was getting better, listening to her say.She was.So.happy to be by us, then it was a kick to.the head when I.found.out these things.that were going on while she strung us along! So now I filed a petition for.full custody because this.behaviors has been going on for 6 years and she continues to make.the same choices she did before she was signed in. Now she manipulates the the police, gets a restraining order one because I was asking why she didn’t.come.home.yet and why she abandoned us? She used actions I.did 6 years ago to help influence the police into believing I’m harassing her when I as asking her these things. And even.when she did that, I.spoke to her last week and she claimed she was ending this.relationship with this guy and.coming home. She.left to go end this relationship.and.She never come.back home. I called her and I.got.a txt back from the guy she is with telling me it.ain’t.her phone and to.stop txtn. Since I.believe.She hasn’t any positive change, I.feel I needed to file for full custody. She won’t call my daughter’s, won’t see them, don’t ask about them, and it’s affecting me. I’m hurt, betrayed, sad, and depressed. I was convinced we were doing well and behind the scenes she was still committing promiscuous behaviors. But now she is manipulating the courts, police, and her councilors by lying to them about what she tells me then.go.and do.something the total opposite. She was doing these things “sober” then.I.feel there were more problems than.just drug addiction. I.work.a good full time.job, own my home, and take care of my daughter’s on my own. She has every opportunity to see our children, I tried to keep her involved with them, bit she refuses to talk to me and now she manipulating everyone who will listen to her, giving my daughter’s and myself empty promises and false hope. My employer suggested I go to EAP, which is employee assistance program. They wanted me.to.do it for mental health because of how depressed and down I’ve been because of my ex’s actions. It’s affected my job and it affects my.parenting because I.still question.what did I.do.to.deserve this from someone I trusted and loved? It’s not.fair, and I feel she will find some way.to sway or.manipulate the courts when.we.go.to court for custody. I feel she ain’t ready to be a mother or wife
I personaly think that courts favour the woman. I have seen things in civil and criminal court that back my opinion up but this is about parenting. The thing with me is that because I was not married I had some parental rights but not as much as my ex. so she decides to stop me seeing my boy for six months last year then we came to speaking and let me see him again then stopped me once again for five months this year. never followed or shown any responsabilty by not letting me know anything about my child. so I took her to court to get this over and done with well I was granted acsess every weekend for three hours that is not enough because I was having him stay with me all weekend until she stopped me. she was not happy that I wqas granted this. we had to go to a other court hearing for the defence of her not allowing me to see him. now I don’t think she is a bad mother at all I respect the fact that she looks after her kids all week and I would never bad mouth her as a parent. but that’s not to say what she is doing is all ok. my son is old enough to be at pre school and is old enough to speak clearly to a certain degree and every weekend I see him he tells me some nasty things about me that his mother said to him or around him ither way the other parent should not bad mouth the other one around the child. NOT GOOD. anyway had a other court hearing and she never evan turned up so I thought il be resnobal and ask for a extra two hours a week I was giving one hour because the judge was splitting it in the middle and because her lawyer said she was not amused with the time frame I get him for now Im sorry but if it were the father who were not to turn up to court it would be a different story and it might be the last of it in court there were not complaints about the time I was with my child nothing her excuse she lived 10 miles from the court no I live 120 miles and I could make so it has been moved to a different date. sorry but its not right how females want equle rights what I agree with nut when it comes to family and court fathers are the disadvantage and I think that they forget that men will feel emotional stress by not seeing there child and being treated unfairly.
I have been reading a lot of the comments made on this page. The one thing you all must realize you are speaking with emotions and not facts. Something caused a relationship with children to ravel and even though we may not know all the details to some extent anyone can hear a sad story and relate somehow.
I agree there are some women that should not have had children but men has placed themselves between a rock and a hard place over the years to be the missing parent in children’s lives for so long that it is extremely difficult for any judicial system to look beyond this, and that is a fact. Mothers are looked at as the nurturing parent, care takers and father the care givers and most times mother are both.
This is my story, at 16 I met my soon to be x-husband who took advantage of my unconventional raring (the good girl). He cheated had kids all over the place. Never graduated high school or when to collage, lied about it all from the beginning even about his name OMG. (I’m writing a book) I will tell you then how I became a detective. Lol…Later in life after realizing all the goals he so call had, which matched mine was not his goals at all. After 22 years and I don’t know how many kids and “I really don’t know” as he lies so much if he is to ever tell the truth his tongue would probably have a stroke.
I joined the military at age 29 and has been trying to make a better life for me and my 3 children. I filed for a divorce and put him out of my house after I found out yet again that he has another kid with one of these nasty trash he picked up and no offense, but they are all white….no morals or self-respect in these women OMG.
Anyway this fool is asking for alimony, my house and for me to take care of him while he works and pay child support to how many kids I don’t know and refuse to care for our children. Not to mention while he lives with this trash and their kid and don’t show up on time or at all to see our kids and thinks it’s ok to have my kids around this nasty trash. (Well you all know this is not going to happen right, he has lost his mind)
My kids will break this cycle by me not allowing them to be part of what society has come to accept. All kinds of kids all over the place and children seeing that and only repeating what they see….o hell no, my kids are not going to be a part of that kind of life style.
He thinks calling and seeing the kids somehow is caring for them. I do not believe this is true and that’s my opinion. If both parents gets up daily telling their kids I love you and care for you and none of them goes out and provide for them what would you think of those parents. Hhhhaaaa…..well, like I said, sometimes we are suckers for a sad song when it’s sung well. I will talk more about this in my book.
There are more dead beat fathers than good ones and of course more than dead beat mothers, so with that said the courts have a hard job deciphering weather or not this sad song that is being played in front of them by a father/mother is written by them or just a bootleg version.
The more the justice system see more fathers/mothers stepping up and society has less infidelity and more marriages being upheld by the standards God has set by respecting, honoring, being loyal is when all this madness will stop. Until then we all will be writing blogs like this on a daily basis getting our frustrations out and not making any head way because we have not learned what “live in the world but not of the world” means and has yet to teach our kids because we lack knowledge in 2015, go figure.
My father n law just found out today that his ex wife decided to moe out of town and take their two children with her. She has already take them out of school and enrolled them in the town she is moving to. Neither child wants to go b her excuse for moving was that her boyfriend couldn’t keep driving back and forth. My father n law is thinking about keeping them and putting them back her but we are afraid of any consequences he may suffer for doing this. The bad thing is in two months the oldest will turn 12 and the judge said when she turns 12 her and er brother have the choice to move with their dad which we already know that’s what they want to do so why make them move and start a new school when they will just have to come back in a couple months. Does anyone know what he could do?
Hi I have a question if anyone can help me ? I’m going thro my divorce the judge give us a share custody of are daughter but I have a family member sick out of state what can I do the school start back in few days an probably I have to stay there for few weeks can I take my daughter with me or can I live her with my ex ?
“Having a physical confrontation with wife/child” seems like an odd thing to include in this list. If someone doesn’t know better than to hit their husband or wife, do they really need custody of the kids? Hitting the kid is unfortunately a different matter, as physical reprimands such as pops or spanking is seen as a normal way to discipline your child, even though studies show that it does more harm than good long term.
Fighting FatherS
she also wants mine and my wife’s banking information.
I have been denied my court ordered visitation for almost 3 years now by my ex wife. I have never been a bad father. I have been dealing with the pain of not having my children and had some issues with an ex girlfriend that had a drug problem that I knew nothing about. After 1 year of not being able to get my children on my weekend, I gave up. My now current wife pulled me out of a bad situation, helped me save some money, found a reasonable law firm for fathers, and looked up all the information for court, helped me fill out documents, collected my evidence, and get back on track with my child support.
One day I was in town running some errands and I saw my children in the Mcdonalds parking lot with their mother and some other guy. So, I decided to go and see them, for it had been a long time coming with her not letting me have them on my weekends, and just as I come in to see my children and let them know I love them and give them a hug and kiss before I headed out, she saw me and ran to the bathroom and locked the door with my children crying on the inside. She had told her boyfriend to tell the manager that I had threatened to put my hands on all of them and to call the cops. (Keep in mind I had just walked in) My children are crying and screaming that they want to come out to see me and she still entraps them in the bathroom with herself. The manager called the police and I ended up getting banned from there, just because she lied to keep me away from my children. On another occasion, after two years without being able to see my children, my wife was working at a Mattress Firm, working on their computer system, and she sees my ex wife’s mother come in with my daughter, and my wife secretly called me while I was out and told me that she seen my daughter at her job and I rushed there. When I got there my ex wife was there with her youngest child, that she was pregnant with, before our divorce was finalized, and I got out of the truck my ex wife went across the street to the warehouse so I got back in the truck and headed across the street. I wait outside at her car to see my daughter, again just to hug her and tell her I love her. When my ex wife stepped outside she ran back to the back of the building and told the owner I wasn’t supposed to be around them and the owner gave them a ride back to the other store. When I got there and got out of my truck, I heard my daughter ask my ex wife if I was her daddy. I felt like I was dying. Then my ex wife told her “no” and shoved her in the car. I looked in the window and smiled and said “I love you baby”, her mother then almost ran me over with her car. The owner, whom my wife knows personally, said she heard and seen everything and it broke her heart.
On another occasion, my wife and I were coming out of Walmart and she saw my ex wife, her youngest child, and my two kids coming inside, so I walked up to the, my wife heading to the truck to give me some time with my kids, and I finally got to hug and kiss my babies and tell them I loved them. Needless to say she was trying yet again to run away with them so that I couldn’t see them. But I was there and she couldn’t stop y children from loving on me and making me believe that I was their daddy and they knew I loved them.
I called them that same night and after so many failures in the past, I wasn’t prepared for an answer. When I got a phone call back and I heard the voices of my children, I MELTED. Tears were coming up and there was a lump in my throat. I asked them everything I could in one short night and kept talking to them for 1 week, then I found out it was all about money again. I tried to plan trips and every time she would find a way to refuse later. I asked her over the phone one night if I could take my children to the movies to see the new Spongebob Movie out of water, my kids loved spongebob, and she told me only on one condition,, that she could go too. So as I bit my tongue and tried not to get a little upset for the sake of the children, my wife looked at me assured and said ” tell her she can go” and that I did. I told her she could and that my wife would be attending us, that way my ex wife could meet her, so that she would know who the children would be around. My ex wife said okay and the next day she canceled. It all ended that way. She told me that she needed some time and that is all she was time. It has been 2 years.
She told me that I would have to come by myself to see my children, at first that was okay, until I got married and it just wasn’t appropriate and it wasn’t right for me to be having interruptions while trying to spend time with my children, she even tried to seduce me a couple of times, and would get mad when I would reject her.
I told her if that was her final say and she said yes, so I told her I would be filing contempt. Then she said that if I could afford that, then I needed to pa her the 8500 dollars in backed child support, which I had already settled with DCSS and am making monthly payments along with regular child support. THIS SHOWS ME ITS ALL ABOUT MONEY, AND MY CHILDREN ARE BARGAINING TOOLS AGAINST ME TO HER.
I finally filed and now I am waiting till court day next month, when I got her response she wanted all of m personal backing information, including my wife’s, and all of my belonging, child support and much more. I just need to know if it is legal in the state of Georgia to mention child support in a custody and visitation hearing, because Child support and Child custody and visitation are two separate matters in the state of Georgia. And will they see that my ex wife is not keeping the best interest of my children in mind.
I have proof of everything and I want to know everyone’s opinion. I also wouldn’t mind some pointers.
Thanks so much.
What about when its the Mother doing all these things, when the father was the primary caretaker of their children for 5 years, at which time the Father left the Mother, because of emotional, and psychological abuse, she was cheating on him, with his best friend, constantly threatened him, went through his things, accessed his electronic accounts, and demanded he do everything in the house, while she sat on Facebook flirty with guys, after leaving, she violates custody orders, alienates the kids (no.pictures of him in their house, they dont mention him, text mesaaages have been sent to him saying they are going to tell the kids daddy doesnt love them anymore, Police wont stop the harassment, or bullying, even though in his state its a felony, he has no.criminal record or history or violence towards others, upom trying to get help from Domestic violence Agencies, he gets brushed off, a couple times because of his gender. The mother consistently tries to coerce the kids, and blackmail their father, “Do as I say or there will be hell to pay”, is often the nonverbal message sent by the mother for anytime, he need for control and dominance is challenged or questioned, or she is denied her unreasonable demands, their retaliation, using electronic means, mobbing, false police reports (their allegations were denied by the PD, and found to be frivolous.), even attempts to get relief of abuse order, which the courts denied… what is a Father to do when its the mom doing this, and in the process of defending his children and his rights, he is seen as the aggressor, for speaking the truth, even when he is cool calm and collected?
The state refuses to acknowledge the developmental damages surrounding this form of abuse, its not even recognized by this mans therapist, how does he substantiate the claims against her without being seen as the guilty one?
I am a father who fought like hell to get my daughter in a broken court system. Mother accused me of everything under the sun, including twice of sexual contact with my daughter. Which was proven untrue both times ! Mother habitually lies, blows thing outs of proportion, sleeps around, lives with mommy and daddy at age 42. Claims to be disabled but since she was 18 betcha she hasn’t worked more than 24 months. Scams off guys till they find out what she is really about. I have placement of said daughter and she is to pay me child support and 1/2 medical bills. After 3 years I have seen ah lets see $0.00. She somehow finds the money to pay to take me back to court all the time but yet cant support her own daughter. Now she claims cause she has more time because she does not work, she is the better parent and wants placement and LOL child support. Her daughter is nothing more than an object and represents a paycheck. I do not have a problem taking care of my obligations even without mothers help. What I cannot stand is the fact I have to constantly spend money for attorneys that take away my ability to take care of her better. Did I mention the 15 contempt’s she has for not following the court papers? Quite honestly I do not even want her child support money I would be just as happy to tell her to set it up in an account for college needs. With all I have to spend in court how can I ever help my daughter out later in life for college? I cant do anything now let alone save for that too. I am so fed up with the courts allowing it and the laws that are on the books. They are archaic at best and need to be rewritten fairly. Child support needs to go to a check and balance system too. No more money to moms/dads with out receipts to prove it was for the child
Whoever mentioned money hit the nail on the head! Money seems to be the root of all evil when it comes to many circumstances in life. When my children’s father and I separated the battle was AWFUL! I went without seeing my kids for two months due to him keeping them from me, he even went as far as telling the tonawanda police that he had full custody of our children, but when I pulled out the paperwork which proved we were in the middle of procedures the police turned to me & stated it is a family court matter & their hands are tied. It made my stomach turn knowing how ugh power he had over our kids. Soon our daughter would not want to spend time with me once the court intervened, & our son told me daddy said I was bad as he reached out to wrap his arms around me after not seeing me for two months. Still brings tears to my eyes remembering the situation to write it out here. When it comes to the family court system there is point A & point X there is NO inbetween. I had gotten Fed up, & I was desperate to make the horror end for the sake of our children. After all why would our lawyers promise an easy out for both parties when their wallets are fattening by the hour?! I sat down and wrote my own custody agreement, YES my own, in which would eventually become OUR custody agreement. I had never worked on, nor written something of this magnitude, after all why would a judge, law guardian, & worst of all the man I once loved most who now wants to now see me suffer agree to my demands. I’ll tell you why. After endless reasearch in to cases & family law since the beginning of our case, + COUNTLESS hours of trying to get in to my ex’s head & putting myself in his shoes. After many wept tears from watching our children fall apart it all barreled down to money & ownership for him.ANY woman work like this too sadly. written in my custody agreement there would be absolutely no exchange of child support. Why you ask? Because I would offer that both parents spend equal time with the children, & I mean equal right down to the hour!I set it up as alternating weeks week 1, week 2, week 3, & week 4. All of the holidays he has this year, I get next year. I even covered things such as claiming the children come tax time. He claims one & I claim the other. Think a judge wont sign off on something like that? When you base your every move, every thought, on what’s best for your kids they will. I could have taken my ex to the cleaners after he basically kidnapped our children for that two months, but my best interest was getting our kids back on track. Our daughter now 14 exhibited angry defiant behavior for three yrs between the time of break up & one yr after the agreement was signed due to parental alienation. Our son is now 7 and still suffers some emotional attachment issues, but has gotten A LOT better. I can leave to go places and he is not chasing me out the door eyes filled with tears anymore. He finally understands mom is not leaving him for good. So you see people it can go both ways. Parents be mindful of your children. After all they will exhibit the behaviors they are taught, & they do have feelings. It is not our job to teach them to hate. It is our job to teach them to love, & what child does not want to love both of their parents.?! You can too draft your own parental agreement, & if any of you would like help, I am willing to help you by sharing my self written agreement. Your lawyers don’t care about your children, it is not their job! A lawyers job is to make even the worst parent look like the best parent. That’s what you pay for PERIOD! I was told by my ex’s lawyer, if I ever wanted a job to come knock on his door. My ex’s lawyer also tried to charge my ex for MY custody agreement! Yes the one I wrote up, he tried to bank cash on lol. So you see parents you are dealing with a broken system that is not set up for the best interest of your children, it is your job to fight for that. if you’re failing one way, then get back up and try another route. Don’t wait for a judge to tell you, you can have one Saturday on the fifth full moon with your children, instead show a judge what she or he has failed to do… Show the judge in writing that they are both of your children, & it is in the best interest of the children to have both parents equally in their lives. Never say my children/kids. They are our children. Wish you all the best of luck . If anyone should want my help please contact me…. sallymarie@gmail.com
P.S. I’m just a parent who wants to raise good wholesome kids who will someday kids chase their dreams & embrace life!
This must of been written by a female it is bias And should be updated or removed quote don’t allow your child or children to be around another woman you may be seeing well now! what about the wife whom may be seeing a new male friend. don’t allow your child around another woman true but don’t allow your child around another male the spouse may also be seeing, Its a 2 way street people a lot of divorces are from woman as well not just men!
OK, so, im in the middle of a modification, which was illegally pulled from our home state with UCCJEA jurisdiction and moved to MA by a sneaky TRO and emergency orders for custody, which where dismissed, but, the ex just kept going…. Today:
I found my ex has his house for sale, and has reduced the price, he is a motivated seller, the pictures are new online, and the house is empty. I cannot get a hold of my kids… help?
I don’t know if I’m happy or appalled to see that I am not the only father going through this hell. First off my nightmare of an ex ran up almost 20,000 in loans and credit card debt in the 6 months she was gone before we were able to get into court. Luckily I wasn’t stuck with any of it. But we have a modified joint parent agreement, which as you all know pretty much means she has sole custody. On my scheduled days with my child, I never know when she will have my child ready to be picked up, its either ” we are out of town, or you never specified so we made other plans. But on the other hand if its a school night and my child isn’t back to her by 7:02 she is texting and raising all sorts of hell. She has repeatedly made false accusations against me, and has tried to physically attack my current fiancee during a custody exchange….. right in front of my child. Speaking with my lawyer, he pretty much said ” if you dont have video proof theres really nothing we can do at this point.” What a crock. Her latest stunt was waiting until I have planned and booked out vacation to Disney world this summer, then she booked the exact same vacation the week before I did. Just to further complicate things. I feel like a child having to repeatedly contact my lawyer and make a joint journal about this crap. We might as well not have an agreement, because she doesn’t follow it at all.
I am a single father who has had primary custody of my son for 3 1/2 years. Sole custody for 1 year. I have done everything i can for him, sing, read and tuck him in nightly. His mother is in and out of his life sometimes going months without contact. As soon as there is a warrant out for an arrest her attitude changes. After being in contempt 6 times for unpaid support, i get accused of “assaulting” her without any bruises or evidence. then i receive papers saying she wants sole custody!!!!! I have volunteered a hair sample which she refused to provide one as she has a drug addiction. im sooo tired of the systom siding with the mother. i agree wit a lot of what is said above. but
I’m in a custody battle and my daughter just informed me that she sleeps between her daddy and his attorney. Is this wrong or am I just being crazy??? I can handle the truth…
While prior or the 2000’s the courts did tend to side with mothers. This is because of maternal instinct, and just overall motherly love.
With that said, nowadays the greater majority of courts want equal custody between parents. For the fathers who are saying the courts are against, lies. I assure there are issues going on such as anger, living situation, financial stability, and unfortunately if parents are/have just split… its the taking the child out of their comfort zone and known habit.
And for those parents out there stating you haven’t seen your children because the other parent, “won’t let you.” Save the excuses! If there is NO court order, or you are in jail, there is no reason for you not to see your child. Call the police for a custody violation, then file an emergency ex-parte to inform the judge of the violation. Guess what? 999 times of 1000, you will have your time back with your child. Especially if its an ongoing issue.
I am a mother of two wonderful kids. I have not seen in 8 long months now. There is no court order saying I can’t see them or can. My soon to be ex husband wont let me see them. He is saying if I come on his property he will have me thrown in jail. Well our custody hearing is April 15 I know it will go in my favor with all the proof I have. He has told me kids I don’t love them or want them around me. I haven’t talked to them in 6 months he don’t have a phone so I can’t talk to them.
I’m a dad that’s in a middle of a divorce. I discovered that my wife had my second child from another guy. After I found out and decided to divorce her and actually living in separate places, Now I’m a bad this bad that this and that. It is clear that was not the case before, she used to say I love my live, I don’t know what I would do without you and all the charming stuff you can imagine. So pretty much this is a obvious…A lot of women use the excuse of abusive behavior due to the situation they have put themselves into. Flash news…courts are getting a wake up call with all these false accusations against men and giving us men a good trial fighting these bad women.
I understand that all dads are not bad, so many do deserve to just be a dad to their children. On the other hand, my daughters biological father was sent to prison while I was still pregnant with her. He was released just before her third birthday. I was completely open to them spending time together. I even dropped her off and picked her up (since he has no license). He had seen her maybe on five occasions, then went right back to abusing drugs/alcohol. Within 6 months he was sent back to prison. Thats where he spent the next few years. currently it has been almost 6 years since they have had any contact, but he filed for parenting time. The court has not spend ONE second looking into his past, which I provided. He has a laundry list of charges including drugs/alcohol and violence. He has never paid child support- ever. I have not forced the issue because I had hoped he would just back off. While goint to court dates for parenting time, he has still been using drugs and alcohol, even with an alcohol monitor on!! He was cited for two parole violations, they aren’t charging him with a felony charge for tether tampering for Lord knows what reason. He was sent BACK to jail during this process and STILL the court doesn’t see how he is a bad man. He is unstable, unpredictable, cannot follow the rules of the law, can’t stay away from drugs……..yet somehow the court system thinks my daughter needs to see him! I’m sorry to all of you dads who are good men and want to be there, but the “men” like the one I have to deal with in no way should be granted visitation. When a child’s life could be in danger due to the actions of the “dad” who cannot get his life in order, shame on the courts for not protecting the child!! Just praying he hangs himself before my daughter suffers…..as he usually does!
The “Law of Attraction’
This is something I learned in Psychology class over ten years ago and still have to remind myself to practice it. My interpretation of the “Law of Attraction” is simply stay positive and positive things will happen. Instead of wishing the worse for your ex-wife, ex-husband wish them the best and I was surprised how much it helped me to overcome the separation. Believe me it wasn’t easy or did it happen in the time frame I would have preferred but it did work. I was reading SWAMPTHING910510 and a part of me wants to tell him to get his crap together and put the load on his shoulders, because whether you like it or not it is YOUR divorce. I don’t have money bursting out of my pockets but money means absolutely nothing when it comes to being with my son. I know where he is coming from but just sitting back enjoying bankruptcy isn’t the answer for me. I feel for you my man and pray that things turn out for the best for you and I.
I live in a county where the judge just wants to give the custody to the fathers. My ex berates me in front of our children, doesn’t allow them to call me when they are at his house, is having a sexual relationship with my oldest daughter whom he helped raise, has a criminal record and spent over five years in prison. I have no record, I work, our children told the judge that they don’t want to be with him.
Scared
Hi what do you all think of a ex that has called DHS and reported abuse on one of the divorced parents children? Is this bad on their part or ours?
Custody Battle with my fiance’s ex girlfriend.
My Fiance has two kids with his ex girlfriend, in this last year there oldest child has been hospitalized for his asthma due to the mom not giving child his medication, well this last recent time the child was airlifted and put on life support.In mind she does not work, pawns kids off so she can go out and is just plain lazy.
We are fighting for full custody due to not taking proper care of both kids. can anyone tell me if it would look better to the courts being married and not being the fiance?? and if anyone would know how hard this is gonna be??
Why won’t my daughters dad just leave us alone?
Found this site as there are no useful Uk ones..My daughter is almost 9 months old, not that her ‘dad’ could care less however,all he seems to care about is giving grief and playing devious mind games with myself and my family. Twice he has had the opportunity to be involved, yet each time just gets too mentally abusive,forceful and demanding when he has an absolute cheek. There has been no reason for this, bar the fact that he is horrible and controlling. I have stacks of evidence of this, yet he seems to get away with it all with the authorities..soo frustrating. Makes up lies about me which are the absolute opposite of anything I would ever do. Both sides of the sexes have bad people. But howcome it always seems to be the ones that are in the right that have to deal with the endless hassle. My daughter and I would be so much better off if he would just leave us alone. Here’s hoping a judge will agree!
Child
I have a question?? Ok my husband was names domicile parent in 2013 for his 9 year old daughter. Because the mother moved an hour away and seem to not have a stable living life. All last year the child is having a hard time adjusting to our home and school with having bad reports from school and failing. Again the same for this year. Already having detentions and it’s only the 1st nine weeks of school! The mother is went to jail a few months ago for possission of marajuana and demotic violence charge. She is trying to get the child back because of the child’s grades and behavior. Before when the child was living with her she wasn’t having any problems. My husband works a lot and is away and I the step parent cares for the child while he is done . Do you think there is a chance that the judge will give the child back to her mother with all the problems the child is having since the change was made??
disgusted
Please anyone w/ some advice. I have a ten year old that I’ve been raising pretty much on my own since the day she was born. Her ” dad” has been in and out of her life since her birth up until maybe 4 or 5″yrs of her life. Now during these first FEW years he’s only hung around for maybe a month every so often and disappear and then show up a year or two later.HHe’s never spent one birthday w/ her. Only one Christmas and one thanksgiving. Hes never been there for not one school day, bedtime, earache, awards, homework. Not to mention shes ADD, hss a speech impairment and learning disability since she was three. Everytime he promised to stay in her life ( not mine and thats finevw/ me) he has always stood her up, made excuses as to why he couldn’t see her, or called me to go pick her up. He has caused me soooo much stress because he never helped me support her in any way. He was an alcoholic and hit me once ( and thats all it took for me to leave) when she was three months. I can go on and on… About a year ago he started to pay child support even though he was court ordered years ago and a few months ago I ran into his mom and one thing lead to another and i let him start seeing her again. Well hes up to his old ways and has already stood her up and a few times, misses another birthday and started to threaten me that he wasgoing to have me arrarrested for not letting him see her. Im so sick of him coming in and out of her life she is not a baby anymore she knows and i have to keep lying for this jerk. He still has rights to see her since long ago we went to court. I had evidence in my phone that is broken now on ugly txt messages he had sent me in the past but nothing now. I feel he is going to try to take me to court for her. What do i do? Please and God bless.
The book of Job
My daughter is the unfortunate one to have married a man just before he went to Iraq, who is a police officer in the town where we live. He decided to leave my daughter (after 14 years) who is a clean living person, and now he is on his third? girlfriend. My daughter lives with me. And I’m glad! He has been awarded shared custody. He takes their 5 year old daughter on camping trips with the girlfriend out of state, if my daughter disagrees, it’s too bad. My daughter wants to call her baby to say goodnight when she is with the father and he doesn’t answer the phone. A half a dozen times he would not disclose her whereabouts to my daughter for days, while my daughter frantically called and texted to try to find her! Then he says she’s harassing him! To add insult to injury, he socially berates my daughter, thus forming a bandwagon of followers for his schemes. Why is he so hell bent to control the child; during his visits, so that there is little to no contact with her mother? Why is that such an issue for him? What is his explanation to his child for this? Why does he treat my daughter with contempt? After all, HE LEFT HER! He blocks all my daughter’s attempts to communicate with him with, “court orders” mumbo jumbo. He tries to set himself in front of others as “the victim” he creates tension between himself and my daughter, and cries that the tension is not good for the child. He created the situation that he is in, and blames my daughter for it. He speaks to her as though it’s not natural for a mother to be close to her child. As though the child is a “thing” and when it’s HIS turn with the “thing” my daughter should shut up and go away! So much for shared custody! My daughter spent two weeks accumulating and printing emails and texts to show his alienation of affection campaign, but it all fell on deaf ears. Next is pretrial for the divorce. God help her and her baby. Can you say, CORRUPTION?
Can you say narcissim. Look it up.
Whoa, I actually want to divorce you after reading that. The Dad has a right to travel, camp, go to soccer games, everything and anything he wants to do with “his child”. The mother should give him the space they need to have a good relationship, I doubt he calls multiple times and nags his ex wife to death when she has the child.
From the sounds of everything you wrote sounds like this lady(mom) and I use this word lightly, is a control freak and overbearing. For him to last 14 years was more in-likely amazing on his part.
I need some help…
So I have taken my daughters mother to court for custody because she does not let me see her. She is using my daughter to get revenge on me for us not working out. Next week on 09/03/14 is my daughters birthday so yesterday 08/30/14 I tried to go see my daughter. It turns out that she was not home, her brother claimed she was on tecate mexico with her parent. So i text her amd told her if she didt tell me where my daughter was i would call the police… later that night i passed by her house and notices her parents truck was already in the drive way. I went this morming to see my daughter and once again she wasnt home. Her dad claimed that when he got back home the night before she wasnt there and didnt know where she was. I believe she went to rosarito in baja california but she is not suppose to leave the state because we have an open case. Also she did not bring this up to me and I am not even sure she is there… do I have the right to call the police on her? Or what right do I have? And who am I suppose to contact in order to report anything?
depends on all the facts
depends on what facts are brought to the table…
mother of nineteen that owns a house bought new car makes 20+ dollars and hour full blown health insurance and my boy has his own room toys upon toys and every inch of emotional stability possible…kicked out at 18 mind you…….
now the father…only been employed for one year full-time..was unemployed while i was pregnant and going through highschool…has no reliable vehicle lives with his parents..doesnt afford any kind of daycare..no insurance..and is 21.. compare and tell me who should take care of my son..
oh and cant forget he has 2 harrassment charges bc im pathetic..worthless..and a whore..
i will agree good dads get the short end of the stick alot but theres also alot of bad men in this world that dont deserve their children..my son willl not grow up to see someone live off their parents and see he doesnt support my child..he wont hear the horrific things he says about his mother and he will not think its ok to disrespect and degrade family the way he does point blank.
Alienation goes both ways
I know it seems to men that the system fails THEM. There are many moms like myself suffering at the hands of narcissistic ex-husbands who have alienated their sons like my 16 yr old. On top of that, my ex has brothers on the police force and is married to an attorney. He works as a school security guard so doesn’t make much money. When my son lived with me, he was constantly in arrears with child support. Reduced his income attempting to pay less. He didn’t need the money, his wife pays their bills. Constantly in violation of this and other court orders but no one does anything about it for last 6 years. A spouse gets a pass because they aren’t the ex but what about when they are an officer of the court knowingly violating orders? Why have orders?
the ex wife
My husband has joint custody of his two boys and their mother has custodial but they have lived here with him and went to school here before and after the divorce e! Yet he’s still having to give her child support for two kids that don’t live with her and don’t want to see her the older one refuses to visit her and so she waited til 3 days before school starts to pull them out of the schools they’ve been on all their lives and enroll them in schools 45 mins away.we already have a lawyer and filed for full custody but it’s been 13 days and she still hasn’t been served the papers! And when the younger son went to visit she’s kept him And is refusing to let him see us. So I feel what you all are saying about blaming g men for it all. He’s only missed 2 payments in five years! And yet she’s dwelling on that to whoever will listen
Help
I am going through a divorce right now in Florida. My wife is a avoidant parent. She left for another man , party, and to be with her friends. (documented) She has not cared much for our 5 year old daughter, since she has left and four months later when I have her served, she all the sudden wants to have our daughter 50/50. I did try and work this out with her with a marriage counselor, but she lied to him as well and he no longer wanted to see us. She refused to take that seriously for our daughters sake. I have it documented that she is depressed with other medical issues, lives in an area that is not allowed, she is around old friends that do drugs, dating a guy that does drugs, and does not watch our daughter very well when she is with her. She is good at taking pictures to appear she is taking care of her and that she is a great mother, but the PI I hired shows otherwise. I am trying to retain majority custody, since I am the one who takes her to school, doctor appts, zoos, beach, pool, and play dates with her friends. She has yet to do any of this. I also have it documented that she did not seek medical treatment for our daughter when she was ill for almost a full day after our daughter told her she was not feeling well. Do I have enough to fight this out? I am ready to drain my retirement funds to protect my daughter. Please help.
PI and all evidence means very little she is the mother, I have seen the worst mother get 10 chances and still win custody. Until she had to spend a year in jail then she got out and sued for back child support when the father had the kids all that year. lol but he forgot to get the child support shut off so to speak. if you can prove or get records aka crimestoppers.com … drug arrest then you have a much more of a case against her. You should not feel bad about turning her in if anything maybe she will get her act cleaned up. Last thing you need is a tripping parenting going crazy on syth.pot.. around a small child.
Communication and Abusive Behavior
I have been compliant to send my child to visit his father from across the country. His father pays for the flights of course but he is verbally abusive to me when I question anything. I don’t know how to deal with his abusive behavior other than to limit all calls or conversations with him. He assaulted me during our last exchange when I drove to meet him over 900 miles. I am tired and I can’t afford to pay for an attorney to stop him from doing this. I don’t curse him or call unless it is about our son. My husband has even addressed the assault after I called him. He apologized to him but never to me. For almost 20 years, we’ve been a part of each others life but when he changes gf’s he becomes aggressive and abusive to me. What should I do
I have a few words for all this so called acts which I am sure you had nothing to do with instigating. Video record it they also have black boxes for you car.
Okay I have a question I have been in the process of moving and my daughter will be two in November he father was not involved during the pregnancy and would not have been involved at the day of birth had it not been for my mom well he was gone and never asked about her til she was 5 1/2 months old then seen her 16 days during a 3 month spans then was gone again for six months I don’t wanna a male in and out of my child’s life well now he is trying to take me to court over my daughter all that has been done is DNA we have no court date yet or anything would I still be able to move state
What is wrong with letting him try to be father? Are you scared your going to loss your pay check. This male is that kids father and nothing you do will change that. Only thing you can do is forever emotionally damage your kid. If he is trying to get in the picture that is because you are not letting him in hence him having to take you to court. You complain because he wasn’t before (more in-likely your fault) but when he finally is you’re offended? Please… I read between the lines on this one. You child deserves to know their Dad. You wont lose your pay check, let him at least try to be a part time daddy.
Abused Dad
I have been with my ex partner for just over 5 years, in that time I probably had and experienced a lot of great things, travelling and just learning to love her. I had 2 young boys from a previous marriage which broke down due to financial strain and that I caught her having an affair. I told my ex everything as I’m an open book. However, during our rship things would prop up, that I was checking up on ex wife, still loved her.etc then she would lash out, argument after argument then she would apologise. I never hit her at anytime, 3yrs in with a wedding planned we had a terrible separation where she scarred my face, repeatedly punched, scratched me to point I moved out, she said I cldnt let her live etc, I thought she would have an affair…which I found strange, as she was out a lot and she said to me about giving up football, I never saw my pals and basically hardly saw family. But after moving out, I went and cleared my head,done well at work got a new flat for me and my sons, then I ended up working in my exs area so i had text about a catching a coffee, I still loved her and I knew I wanted her in my life… She refused numerous times until one day she text about mail I got and we ended up going for a meal and then dated regularly so much that, we were together again, I was so happy, things going well, boys were happy she was there, but there was the odd occasion where shed shout argue about stupid stuff, I told her everything would be fine I gave her engagement ring back and told her I loved her and we would get married. Building on this, she found out she was pregnant, she talked about her sister and her husband trying for a baby, I always assumed that we weren’t trying but I wouldn’t change it, but she still was arguing a lot fighting, stressing over silly things, it was hard, we had a little girl in august 2013,but by she was 3/4weeks old my ex was saying I was treating her different from the boys, that is never see her again, but then apologised then there were great times then the bad where between Christmas she repeatedly beat me, then again in January, even on Valentine’s day she did, saying I didn’t live her, treat her right or anything. By this time we had moved in together to a new home, I paid my way every month but still she was unhappy. It was affecting my work, I had to tell my manager what was going on,I ended up with a new job a lot more money, everything done in house, our little girl was growing great the boys were happy but again no, because I opted to tile the bathroom and go get shopping in rather than go to a communion, the boys got verbally abused, as did I, our little girl got a smack in the hand and then the next day while she was sleeping after I dropped boys at school I got a beating again so much that I had a minor concussion, I thought that this person was going to be my future and everything ok, but I cldnt take it anymore, eggshells fighting, arguing, violence, it’s not me so after that attack I left to seek advice from police etc, but because I didn’t have time off and the usual with DV that I’d end up in jail despite not ever lifting a finger…I was advised to get legal advice, I had to wait a week or 2, in that time I text her uncle, brother in law and best friend just what happened. The next day I get in from work, I get a lawyers letter stating separation, to move my things out, my limited access time with my little girl and that I have to pay her maintenance…all before I could speak to a single soul professionally.
Your story is much like my own I know I should leave my wife because she is super abusive but I will not get a fair deal court. I just keep hoping things will get better. You story was literally hard to read. I think I understood most of it and my heart goes out to you. It is a great example how the system fails dads / man all the time.
Wow
And I read it as gender neutral… to bad the writer used gender specific terms. I don’t believe is was meant that way.
I am a divorcing woman, married for 27 years and my husband never paid one mortgage payment nor has he provided any support (other than turning off all utilities when I had to file a restraining order…)for our two children living with me. He purchases sex and I am shocked that so many of you are choosing sides. I am sorry you have been hurt to that degree. All we can do is be the bigger person. Beer helps too!
tired of living in fear
Two years ago my daughter fell asleep at her grand parents house. My ex said he had something to do and left to his parents house and had me served with papers for custody.. the police would not do anything to help me although i am her mother. I believe my ex father paid the police officer off. My exs parent are co owners to a very prominent construction company and they are well known in our community. Alot of people fear them. At this point i realized that the judicial system here in fl stinks. My ex is transgender and the therapist they sopened said there were no studies done on transgender ed people raising small children. Yes i knew he was a she before i was completely in love with her and contributed to her transition. When we had our daughter i did see signs of jealousy when i breast fed or our daughter reached for me i figured with counseling we could work through it. She lives with her parents and we were given shared visitation. Her parents do not agree with her transitioning and accused me of enabling her to be a woman. Well after 2 years we have a court trial i found out three weeks before and my lawyer recently quit my case because there lawyer never allows us the time to state our case. I had a horrible year last year because of the stress i almost died twice. I do suffer from bipolar so my post pardum stunk. I was anemic very badly after i had my daughterand i have had no time to truly greive over this whole situation. I feel victimnized and scared. So much wasted money and time that this person has taken from me. Now my daughter is calling him mommy. What a slap in the face.
So was it a true transgender or do they have a sexual identity crisis. Which are two completely different things. 1st is a bit more real, but if they actually had sexual organs that worked that is very rare much less enough to make a kids.
Was just a Woman that wants to be a man? Or is a man that wants to be a woman? Regardless you seem hardly the fit to be a mother what if you did die while you had the kid? I can only assume you on bi-polar medicine which in itself is risky? I can say “what if” all day but it seems when you are more stable in your life you’ll have a better chance being a part time parent I would not expect after reading your own story by your own words you be a full time parent ever. Seek God and his ways, a choice is still a choice.
Umm… Single Mom…
So what I’m seeing here is alot of people not fessing up to their lawyers… I fully avoid attacking my ex in anyway, but a week ago I asked him, I’m recently haveing some medical issues, to take my daughter so I could go to the doctors, mind you it’s a saturday and he retorts with as long as I don’t have to take her the weekend after. My response a simple question, is the trip personal? if so I don’t think you should be using time with her as a barganing chip I want you spending more time with her. He wanted custody to be 50/50 we alternate weeks, he doesn’t have a sitter and refuses to go to day cares with me (we have conflicting schedules I work from 4pm to 2am at the latest and he works 7am to 5pm) But the he says “lawyer up” I want at all costs to avoid court because I want him to have time with her and I know how unfair the court system can sometimes be, but what worries me is me haveing Tuesdays and Wednesdays off is somewhere down the line they will give him every weekend when she’s in school that leaves just the school days where she’s two tired or to cranky to spend any real quality time with me. I love my daughter alot granted I am 2years from really having to worry about it, but I know the court won’t do a 50/50 thing like that it’s not stable enough even to me and I refuse 6months a year she be mine and 6 months a year she’ll be his I raise her complete alone went through my pregnancy alone but I’ve done good I think at not holding it against him
Good for you yes the court most certainly will consider 50/50 between two reasonable parents. It is in the best interest of the child unlike your story of what is in the best interest of YOU. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can not expect after divorce to be friends or for this person to make your life easier? You can do alternating weeks, biweek, monthly, semi yearly. The sky is the limit. Seems if you both are close enough a weekly plan would fit or biweekly. Most day cares will work around a weekly plan. I pray he does get the 50/50 because it would be in the best interest of the child as been proven again and again. Also nether parent financially benefits from this arrangement, so the abuse and greed is kicked out of the equation.
During my divorce the thing that stressed me out the most was the constant stress of not knowing if i was going to keep my children or not. Thanks to the wonderful firm of Rosenberg and Rodriguez, i was able to keep my children. I couldn’t be any happier with my results, so that is why i recommend you to contact them through http://rosenbergfirm.com/ so they can help you as they did to me.
take the case into another state…
take away divorce cases to another state if possible.
Specially for those in uniform. These should immediately be at fault cases
by the more strict rule or simply by the conflict of interest
between the military couple.
This state is a be aware state, on most of everything.
Status after status, strike court dates?
I am a mother of young boy who’s father I did not marry. We tried to co parent in separate homes for a long time. I had my son 4 days, he had him 3. No child support was ever paid to him or myself. It actually worked for the first couple years, but once I saw my son’s grades become less than average, and him struggling to read and comprehend, math tests came back with 50% F’s. My son begged for help at the school as did I. Finally, I decided we needed to change schools. We moved 30 minutes away and my son was diagnosed with ADHD. I served his dad with custody papers, since we were never married, there was nothing ever in the courts who was custodial parent. We’ve been in court now since June 2013. Dad has a cash job, went to tour with a band for 3 months from July to the end of November, lives with his mom. The court made us go through mediation which completely failed because he wants residental custody. But in the last 6 months, he’s hardly ever had our son over night, seen him maybe a total of 10 times. His attorney filed a motion to withdrawl due to lack of cooperation. Still, every month there is a status hearing. He was ordered in Nov to pay temporary child support of $101 per week, which I have not seen one dime of to date. The courts have on record he doesn’t file a tax return. Why does it take so long to deem one parent at least residential custody?? I have paid my attorney, and a guardian ad litem, and feel like this case will never end. I’m not asking for much. I just need a little help from him. My son finally has friends at school, he had a huge project due for science which he had to present…his teacher said he “rocked” it. A+. I couldn’t be more proud of what he’s accomplished. I just feel like I’m going to go broke over this, which is exactly what my ex said he intended on doing…putting me into poverty. It’s not always the women causing the problems guys. I agree, there are some money hungry women out there who take their children’s fathers for all they have. But then there are women like me. I just need a little help from him is all I ask, and for him to follow through when he says he’s going to see his son.
Why would you want child support now from such a loser? You spent this whole time never wanting a dime from this loser and now you know he doesn’t make any money and you want it. Will a jail record help him find a job, become a man? Your only interest is for yourself, pray you do find that poverty your looking for. You son ADHD was causing the failing grades, not just your husband by your own admission. Your only reason as I see it is to get full custody and a steady pay check.
Best interest of the children??
Divorce, custody, support, and visitation are NOT Court motions/actions that consider “the best interest of the children”. The terms “Law Guardian” and “child support” are perverse concepts in the Court System that are NOT looking out for “the best interest of the children”.
If you file for divorce, you are NOT looking out for “the best interest of the children”. You are looking out for YOURSELF, just like Judges and attorneys are looking out for themselves.
Be careful, Ladies. My wife filed for divorce earlier this year and so far it hasn’t cost me a dime!! She borrowed against her ENITRE 401K and she is barely getting by now. She thinks she holding all the cards with her having the kids and by placing an order of protection against me. Now the “law guardian” is making HER pay most of the costs associated with my “supervised visitation”. I don’t make 1/3 of what she makes and now I’m telling the Judge when I want to come back to Court and she is paying twice as much in RENT as my mortgage!!
Maybe I don’t get to see the kids when I want but I’ll be damned if I give her ANYTHING (alimony/child support) and not see my children whenever I want!! I think I’ll let HER have fun with HER lawyer and now the “law guardian” holding HER AND THE KIDS HOSTAGE IN SUPREME COURT while I sit back in bankruptcy and foreclosure.
See you in late February of next year, or whenever I feel like coming back to Court again, HONEY!! I don’t need this aggravation. IT’S NOT MY DIIVORCE!!
Oh and Guys if you are reading this and think I’m being spiteful, I’m really not. IT’S MY MARRIAGE AND I REFUSE TO LET THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK TAKE MY FAMILY AWAY FROM ME!!
huh?
okay I am the woman in this case….Just asking all you, do the courts not take evidence into consideration for the best interest in the children? I have ton of evidence however since i’m not a lawyer, nor have money for one I can’t abtain them documents. I agree children need 2 parents to live since it took 2 people to make them. However depending on the status of the parents with proof I agree the parents should have equally rights and responsiblitiy to the children.
Who knows better
So, this sounds unreal. The mother left the father. No ill feelings, besides the mother has admitted she was bored with father of their 2 children. He has been paying a substantial amount of child support (roughly 80% to her 20%). The father of children traveled many distances to see children although they lived 4+ hours away, then he was relocated to be only 2+ hours away. Regardless of the distance the mother still complained about him wanting to spend time with the children. ONe minute she states she don’t want him to contact them, then the next she is like he dont’ contact them. Basically, damn if he do damn if he doesn’t. Regardless he has been always trying to create and ensure a relationship with his children. Father is not trying to get physical custody of his children. Oh, he is remarried also. Mother now request sole custody because she thinks a financial fight vs best interest of the children. Her fail is all of the social post of her partying and emails of how she doesn’t want to parent with him. There are just some bizarre situations out here. Fathers who want to be an active participant in their children lives, but the woman are bitter for no reason and don’t see the benefit of their dads being in their lives. We need more men to stand up about the issue. Because girlfriends/ new spouses we can’t do anything about it besides vent about what we see is going on with the legal system allowing these woman to consistently get over. It’s sad how much money drives the placement of children when parents can’t see past their own selfish ways. Hope that he gets physical custody or more visitation. He already has an extensive amount of visitation, but the custodial (mother)doesn’t allow for it on many occasions.
custody battles and jealousy
I am hearing from all these comments lots of jealousy and entitlement. men, if you were a good father and spent time with your children and did your share of domestic duties then you should be entitled to equal time with your children as the mother, providing you are not violent. however, if you were an absentee father (and working fulltime is no excuse) and had little to do with the kids and the mother did all the things with the kids such as activities, school, drs. play dates, etc. then count on being an every other weekend father. Mothers, if your husband was a good man and treated his children well and parented them well and was there for them, even though he may have done you wrong, he still hasn’t done his children wrong. there are extinuating circumstances with every case and i guess that is why cases are all treated differently which involves lawyers and judges. but parents should have equal custody if they both equally contributed equally to the children’s upbringing. Especially if both parents work fulltime to provide. Incomes are not always fair and should be adjusted accordingly as far as support is concerned.
WOW…again fathers are guilty just for working full time is no excuse, you right it is not an excuse it is a reason!. Again the father is guilty and the mother is not. Has it even clicked that maybe the woman has done something wrong to cause a divorce? I married the sweetest person I know within weeks of the marriage she took a sandwich I made and feed it to dogs because I cut the tomatoes uneven. After working 16 hours shift I went to get her breakfast and Mcdonalds forgot her pancakes so she takes her food and tosses it on the floor. I go back and get her pancakes, I have kept my temper down, unfortunately we have a son together. Even he says mama going to go crazy and he is 5. He knows there is something not right with her!! ONLY reason I am still married to this selfish, spoiled witch of a monster is because I would have to prove she is 100% unfit to be a wife and mother my house looks like a pigs house, I clean it up and work full time to be a slave to this person and it is still not enough nothing is enough to make this woman happy NOTHING!!! But I know how the courts are, I know I cannot expect a reasonable divorce and she is too crazy to work out a shared parenting. So I am stuck in this place it sucks and it is because of people like you and your stupid mentality. That keep good fathers from their kids and forcing abusive mothers on them all for the sake of what?
If they don’t award you full custody, I lose all faith in the legal system. Good luck!
Custody and parental alienation of affection question
It just recently came to my attention, a weekend dad, that my 7 year old daughter’s mother and her fiancé have been arrested for trafficking synthetic marijuana to the tune of 170lbs confiscated. They posted bail and the mom was arrested again for the same offense. Both arrest records show over 13 firearms confiscated along with $3900 in cash and an unknown white substance. While out again on bail, (Great Lawyer?), she was arrested for smuggling contraband into court for a good friend on trial for murder, charges dismissed, (Again, Great Lawyer?). Turns out that her fiancé drove the man sentenced to 24 years for this murder to the scene to sell $8,000 of real marijuana, the deal went bad and he shot and killed his victim. The fiancé then picked the murderer/drug dealer up and harbored him in my child’s home until he was arrested at my child’s home. My child’s mother’s brother, also a flagrant in on the trafficking was arrested at her home. My child told Child Protective Services that her mother and mother’s fiancé had her putting stickers on the synthetic marijuana packages after mother stuffed the bags on multiple occasions. CPS granted me an Emergency Custody Order and three days later it was overturned by the judge during the hearing. I then filed for an Ex Parte Emergency Custody Order in the county where I live, where all original jurisdiction for custody is, and it was granted. The hearings on August 30th. Mom lied to my daughter about all of this stuff, even though people have been arrested in front of her, she labeled this stuff and had to stay with her grandma while mom was in jail, (Cops never told me about it to come get her.). So when my child kept asking why she wasn’t going home, and why she was enrolled in school with me and why mom hasn’t been aloud to call here, and why she was going to be living with me, should I have told her the truth and showed her the police records, news headlines and mug shots while telling her that her mommy is still a good person, just confused and didn’t know what to do so she lied about all of this and wouldn’t have done it if she knew she would have to give her daughter up to me? Or should I have been the liar and cover for her and make my daughter feel like I just was stealing her away from mommy and being mean? My child is smart as a whip. She knew something was up. My wife and our neighbor , a 20 year veteran 2nd-3rd grade teacher told me I needed to tell her to help her understand the truth. We never speak ill of mom and never have. This has been the only time we have ever shown my daughter anything bad about her mom. Also, do you think the judge is going to grant permanency to the sole custody order under all these grounds if my child is already 3 weeks into her school year here if mom was changing schools anyway? Thanks.
My fiance’s custody battle
My fiance is still legally married. They’ve Ben separated for several years and now is financially able to pay go a lawyer to start the divorce and custody battle. She’s six years old. And there is so much that can incriminate his soon to be ex wife and prove that she is an unfit mother. I dare not go into details. He went against his lawyer’s advice I. not letting her get their daughter back unil all was settled. After a month, he goes and talks with her and they try to settle it. After the girl gets sick then gets diarrhea and we end up sending her to her mom, meeting her mother’s parents in the closest town. And she was never told about the rash coming from going to bathroom so much. She was upset about that among a few other things, and that she had live still even though she got it when she was still with her mom a month and half ago. Then she also twisted and lied about something I said and now she won’t let him see his daughter. Now we have to figure out what we can do to get her back. One time his daughter came back in the same clothes and never had a bath when her mom had extra clothes and it was obvious that she needed one. She went to a sleep over and I had no chance in making sure she was clean before she went to see her mom.
It’s not always who has more money!!
WOw, it’s websites like these and comments that disgust me. I completely understand that there are good fathers out there, and bad mothers, and even good fathers and mothers that actually work out 50/50 custody. But don’t try to blame all women as crazy liars. My ex cheated on me with 5 different women. I had enough, and broke up with him. He moved in with her, and I tried to work out a visitation schedule with him outside of court. Did he appreciate this? NO. He kept harassing me, kept texting me sexual remarks, to have sex with him, that if I don’t he would beat the crap out of me all over my apartment. He even did these threats in person, while my son was present. I don’t have money. But really, is it healthy for a woman, let alone a child, to witness these acts? So I moved somewhere safer, and started everything in court. I had evidence of all the times the cops were called, of all the abusive text messages, evidence of everything. Even witnesses of how he treated our son as leverage to get me to obey him. No more. No money, I won full custody. With evidence. SImple as that. No lying, no crazy homormal tactics in court, nothing. He was the one that even made himself look worse, mentioned he did weed while taking care of our son, and that he wants custody because he can’t afford child support. Yes I look down upon anyone that lies just to get custody, it’s really the children’s well being that matters, and if both parents can work it out then that’s great. But don’t assume that all women are crazy, especially the many “new girlfriends” that like to bash on people like me when their man doesn’t even bother telling them the truth.
Who wins in custody wars? It is always, who has more money!
Get ready for a story, most of you will think is a lie. I was the stay home mom for 10 yrs. In an awful marriage! Where there was no victims, or villans,
we both were hateful to one another. I do believe that most bad marriages, are due to both people, & the only true victims are the kids, until the courts are involved. The courts most always side unfairly with one parent, just because they are siding with one parent, means they are NO longer unbasis, which means they are no longer fair! That would bring me to the horrified exsinctence, of my life now! I have not seen my two daughters in 10 years now! My ex-husband & his forth wife, adopted my girls 6 years ago! I reside in Boulder, Colo. I was not notifed, my ex-husband had been arrested twice for betting me up, & his wife did not reside one day in Colo.!
Now you are thinking, I must be so horriable, or this could never have happened. I did have many things wrong with me, & still do. But, the worist thing I did to my children is I would yale at them. To which, after I would yale at them I always appologized to them, & would tell them it was becauce of my illness that I yelled not because of them. I was hit by a drunk driver when I was 19 yrs. old! The man that hit, & killed my mother, & put me in the hospital for 3 months, died on the scene with 9 D.U.I’s, & no insurance! I have tramic brain injury to the frontal lobe area of my head. Which controlls excutive functioning, & emotions! I have since that time been a fraigle persons who needs a lot of things to be a well adjusted person. Some examples: I need 10 hours of sleep a night, I need regular exercise, & I can’t be yelled at, or rushed, without expressing myself in an angery way.
I would assume you all know what happiens when you are married with two small children ONE YEAR APART. You stop taking care of your self. With me, then my symtoms get much worse, & then your marriage gets bad.
Well, this entire story is too long to tell here. I just want to warn people how bad custody wars can get. So, try to avoid them, anyway posiable. Also,you should remember, attorneys can be very dishonest, judges are ‘paid-off’, in this country, & your exspouces can be the person that wants to distroy your life, even if it hurts the kids. My husband is a very successful aeorspace engener, who can compartmentlize things he does as nesscarry, so he has no guilt. I kept thinking things could’nt happen because he once loved me!
drunk dads???
So what if the dad wants primary custody, yet hasn’t offered to help pay for diapers or food? Has drove drunk. With the child” drank a six pack while watching the child, and admitted to not being able to wake up when the child starts crying in the middle of the night. Should that man be allowed primary custody? More so the mom is willing to let the child’s Dad see the child every other weekend so long as he brings her home before the child’s bed/bath time to insure the child’s schedule is not disrupted. Not every dad out there is like this but come on isn’t that something to take into consideration?
I agree with Linn….. it just takes money……. as long as the expensive attorney can make one side sound like an angel…. it doesn’t matter what is in the best interest of the child…. he with the most money wins. Even DFACS doesn’t protect the children who truly need it, at least not in the county of georgia where I live.
absolutely true. He who has the most money wins. And if it’s not you…you’re out of luck. Having less money than your former spouse does not make you a bad parent. It should be 50/50 split time unless there is proven abuse, drugs, etc. Children need BOTH parents in their life.
A mom who children father is abusive and his new girlfriend is making threats of violence and he is violating his 4year restaining order
I am currently going through an custody battle now with my children father when he is not even consistently or at all paying any type of child support to any of his kid. All he seems to do is spread his seeds to different and all females and have babies with them. Now that he came across an new young dumb female thats going to settle for his hot mess causes i am not putting up with it.We return back to court in may for possibly of some kind of visits But in regard to the non sense I will be bringing to court any and all of the documentations in regards to his court order because he is unfit, dangerous,and mental unstable, and committing acts of violence. He told his new girlfriend where I stay and they both are committing acts of violence. Now the gal is involved, he do not have now where to stay and he is deranged. I am fighting tooth and nail for my 2 children small children to not be exposed to that unhealthy type of atmosphere. In return to the nonsense he is a drug user, who refuses to get an job and not paying child support but now you wants the kids. Impossible.I do not want to expose my children to his new girlfriend because she is just as violent. I been stabbed before about 5 years old. During an same situation but the only difference where different people was involved. He is trying to fight for full custody that means like 5 days out the week and including every weekend. Yeah right I do not see for this crap to happen when i am the bread winner and im holding down this forth by myself. He is jobless, homeless, mindless,drama of a person and also a person who does not respect an court system.Since the birth of both of my kids he wanted me to abort both of my children because he did not want to man up and take care of his kids.But now since they are here he still have not grown up by the age of 33. He thinks by selling dvds and cds that will be his career for life and so that he can send his kids off to college one day when they get of age. He is refusing all kinds of courts orders to pay child support he not in comply with nothing. I need some help with this manic.
A mom who children father is abusive and his new girlfriend is making threats of violence and he is violating his 4year restaining order
I am currently going through an custody battle nw with my children father when he is not even consistenly or at all paying any type of child support to any of his kid. All he seems to do is impregrant different and all females. Now that he came across an new young dumb female thats going to settle for his hot mess causes im not putting up with it.We return back to court in may for possiablity of some kind of vistation. But in regard to the non sense I will be bringing to court any and all neccsary documentations in regards to his court order becasue he is unfit dangerous,vicous, agrumentative, and commiting acts of violence. He told his new girlfriend where I stay and they both are committing acts of violence. Now the gal is involved, he doesnt have now where to stay and he is deranged. I am fighting tooth and nail for my 2 children small children to not be exposed to that unhealthy type of atmosphere. In return to the nonsense he is a drug user, who refuses to get an job and not paying child support but now you wants the kids. Impossiable.I dont want to expose my children to his new girlfriend because she is just as violent. I been stabbed before about 5 years old. During an simarliar situation but the only difference where different people was involved. He is trying to fight for full custody that means like 5 days out the week and including every weekend. Yeah right I dont see for this crap to happen when i am the bread winner and im holding down this forth by myself. He is jobless, homeless, mindless,dramaful, and also a person who doesnt respect any kind of judisdiction system.Since the birth of both of my kids he wanted me to abort both pregancies, because he didnt want to man up and take care of his kids.But now since they are here he still havent grown up by the age of 33. He thinks by selling dvds and cds that will be his career for life and so that he can send his kids off to college one day when they get of age. He is refusing all kinds of courts orders to pay child support he not in complaince with nothing. I need some help with this manic.
Dads are not Dads till the courts say so no matter what where you live.
I was looking for a site in the uk it seems that the situation in Canada is very similar to that in the uk. I have a daughter that is now an adult herself and doing very well. I tried the approach of always being nice to her mother and not engaging in tit for tat slander to the courts. She told the court every thing she could dream up to disgrace and slander (most of witch was untrue) me and as a result I found myself being told by a court that i was unfit to be a farther and shouldn’t see my daughter. I appealed the courts decision and after a 6year court battle was apologized to by a high judge. This cost me my home and my business as i had to sell both to pay the solicitors bill. Now 15 years later find myself in a similar position once again. I have two younger children to a different mother whom turn into a alcoholic and became violent towards me. I would leave the house by order of the police and return when she was sober but the incidents became more and more frequent and in order to protect the children I left the family home. Within months she sold the house and spent the money on drink. (sorry just had to talk to someone there is a lot more to my story it just seems so unfair to the kids and the dads. It stinks that dads are not dads till the courts say so)
Not true. Here in MO (USA), my 15 year old left to live with her dad who’d never been involved until she turned 13-14 and he started promising that he’d let her smoke pot, drink, date, buy her a car, etc. if she’d live with him.
We were never married and we went to court which he never showed up to, so we have no custody papers.
I called DFS telling them the situation and all that happened was that my ex and his wife and my daughter all lied and said I was the one who did drugs with her and DFS tried coming after ME.
Needless to say, it’s been a year of me sitting here helplessly watching him tear apart everything I worked building up in my child for 15 years just because he doesn’t want to pay me child support. That’s what it’s come out as in the end, he’s held a grudge all these years and he’s told my daughter that the only reason I ever kept her all this time was for the money. (Completely untrue, as we’ve lived in poverty as I’m on disability and he makes over 5,000/month).
In the US, if they’re put on the birth certificate, they’re the father, but good luck getting anything else done unless you have a LOT of money to take it to court over and over, which I don’t.
Need advice
My son who is now 16 years old has a numerous amount of mental disorders.. His father is suing me for full custody, so He does not have to pay back child support.. He never has wanted him before the courts of Texas stepped in and said pay your debt.. he is behind 10 years in support.. and my son, is well loved taken care of, and is in a treatment place for kids like him, in our state. the father is not being fair, all he wants is for the tables to be turned.. He wants out 16 year old, while our 19 year old begs him for help all the time, and he refuses to help her… it’s not all about the money in some cases.. but when you don’t even try, and then you want the kid i think its a crock..
GA courts favor the dad
I am the woman left for the other woman, who moves in on her ex and her children. I was a stay at home mom for !% years and married 27. I walked away with no furniture, no appliances no cars, no houses and we owned 2, and had to declare bankruptcy and lost my job from being in court for all the times my ex filed motions. Then after he has made me penniless and in poverty as he makes over $250,000, and refused to give me alimony over a false claim of infidelity as he was the biggest cheater around, and abusive to me and our kids…..yet because he held all the MONEY in the divorce, and was FINANCIALLY ADVANTAGED, stay at home moms basically have no chance at all. And for any woman to make comments about the originally wife being a money grubber as they go off into the sunset on a cruise, and I stand in the food stamp line..I can only assume you my dear are the money grubber, not the ex wife. I just want what my ex should have given me in the first place. So don’t presume to know how us left for dead ex wives feel…hopefully this will happen to you and you will eat your words. Ga is the good old boy system with nepitism and lawlessness abounding. If you don’t want to get screwed in a divorce, ladies do not move down to GA. You will be at everyones mercy and your family will be taken away and given to an abusive cheating man as you scrape by off your elderly parents to support you and your children as your ex is off with his GF on a cruise laughing about how they screwed you over…
I feel like the dad
I am reading this because I am being accused and he is going for full custody. He even tried to put a restraining order on me with no proof!! He is fighting for EVERYTHING! Including the debt! Go figure he cheated and I was the stay at home! Now he’s the woman and I went and found me a woman after 15 years of marriage. He gives men a bad name. AND….he was a good man till I said it was over. So confused? Wish me luck, I only wanted our children to have 2 full time parents half the time. They deserve that!
The family court system is shockingly biased.
I have been through what can only be explained as a custody war over my daughter for the better part of two years. In my experience with the court system in NY there is no equality of any manor. A mother must be proved unfit before the court even takes into consideration the possibility of awarding a father more than visitation, while a father has to prove that he is fit. It is essentially being assumed guilty until proving innocent. In pre-trial the ex’s lawyer brought up a single incident of my 3 1/2 year old daughter missing a day of school and my daughter’s appointed lawyer and the court mediator both said “if Ciara is going to miss school while at her father’s then she should not be staying with him”. My lawyer pointed out that my ex had failed to send my daughter to school a total of 13 times at least six due to missing the bus and sleeping in, both my daughters lawyer and the mediator then replied “due to the age of Ciara her attendence is not a concern of this court”
so wrong
what if you’re the mom and you wanted, and expected, it to be fair and as simple as possible, but then you get your husbands response and it’s one horrific lie after another? i’m completely blindsided by what he claimed i did in those papers. he said i’m violent, a drunk, i only buy beer and junkfood instead of food for the family, that i put an ad out so i could fulfill my fantasy of being in a threesome with two men, and that baby isn’t safe with me and he thinks i’ll hurt him. there has NEVER been any violence in our home, i don’t think i’ve ever raised my voice. i’m not a drinker, i put my husband and baby’s needs before my own, and i’m not some sex freak! he has a lawyer, i don’t and can’t afford one. i’m terrified and just sick. that baby is everything to me and i can’t be without him. why would he do this?
Well to you all… Don’t come to Burlington Nj / family court system / the judges there are impartial and Bias / iam a mother of three one in college and my two little ones in private school did it all myself/ my ex stop being a dad/ stopped with everything / so I did without his help/ until I got hurt on my job and I needed support that’s when the ish went to full force/ this man can lie / has cheated / and abused me and our young daughter but this Judge Takes my kids and gives them to a reckless father and I had them since birth/ not to mention his multiple encounter with the law having Dui ‘ s / and I had to fight the whole system / burlington family court system is of a corrupt one and they don’t give a damn about family and if you report they do nothing but try and retaliate more/ but God is so good because I stood strong and got my babies back/ but it was hard I felt like I got shot through the heart/ it took my baby girl getting beat up by her dad for things to start turning around in my favor and its a shame/ these judges play God in other people homes and render decision that cause pain and emotional damage to our children and nothing is being done about it/ They system is a lucrative business in destroying homes that’s about filling there pockets forgetting about the child because it’s not ther home so these judges can care less/ if you are poor you can hang it up New Jersey courts will dog the mess out of you hands down because I had a judge cut my attorney off and turn and got out of his seat motioning to leave failing to listen to my motion and then we filed an emergent return of my children and this judge Denied it and said my kids wasnt in any harm and not even a month later my baby gets beat up/ I blame this judge because his job is to protect families /no child should ever have to endure this type of pain especially from a parent/ the system is truly broken but stay our of corrupt New Jersey family court system / my child has the marks on her today from what her dad did but the courts call it in the best interest. Signed a pissed off mother
The system is crazy, criminals always,want to look like the victims to get off the hook and the crimes committed to hurt innocent victims they always want to be lame and pin stuff on everyone else…Pathetic, wwyd?
Yes and mothers and children that are being abuses, cheated on and financial get raped when they wouldn’t hurt a fly and just struggling to make a good life. I don’t look for trouble do drugs or never been in jail. I need to see how I’m a help my situation cause at the end of the day the father of my kids family double team and make my life hell and have. I only trust GOD.
This insane, I had raises my son for 3 years with full guardianship along with no support. Ended up needing a hip replacement and 3 months after my surgery I married a mother of 3. I was told that she had done the same and all of her kids 2 fathers were dead beats that habent seen them in ages. So we decided to move to 1500 miles away to start over. 2 weeks after arriving she tells me that we have ti go back asap that she lost her parental rights temporary for leaving the state. 4 days later we arrive back in Florida and find out not only that she is pregnant but that she has been on methadone for drug addiction. Our whole marriage was based on lies. 3 weeks after her firsr court appearance with supervised visitation I go over her custody agrrements and case against her. She had changed her number every month with a government phone plus was getting child support that she never mentioned and found out she has been doing this for years to the 2 other parents, well the judge settled both cases and award both parents 50/50 with no child support on top I found out she was never a cna but a stripper for over ,8 years. I was blown away about how well she had manipulated not only me but the system bc she was getting $800 a month food stamps child support along with remaining single when we were married, out of the bond n vows of marriage I did what ever I could to support her snd make sure that my unborn child was going to be ok with the medications I found out she was taking. 4 months pregnant I found out that she had been staying n sleeping with her ex that she had a daughter with. We separated for a month and I stayed and worked on our marriage while watching her manipulate the systems in every way, from medicad fraud, getting her son adhd medication to sell or trade for more drug, child abuse, vulgar, bi polar, complete 180 of the person I thought I married. I could only take so much until my daughter was born and 4 months old. I reported her to dcf, sherrif, she became abusive with multiple vidoe evidence, we separated and shared custody for 6 months until She moved in someone that jus gor out of prison, had 2 children fostered out then adapted bc of child abuse, I came by to get my lil girl and she attached me. We called the law at the same time. While they seen the marks on me n my child she claimed I tried to take my child. I filed a restraining order for injunction for protection for violence along with protction for my little girl. Because my previous as attorney had moved, the local free attorney I couldn’t use bc she previously used and was a conflict of interest. I wasnt able to get the police reports or witness reports plus anotber case of child endangerment that our neighbor called on her, could obtain the reports until the day before court,, tried to get victim advocates among dcf but no help, the judge wouldnt look at the cases bc I didnt file a motion of discovery and he asked her if it could be presented and she said no. Judge said to file for a divoce n closed the case, dcf said that her boyfriend stays down the road b that she pissed clean bc theu give her a week and jis hand her a cup to go to her own bathroom where she pours pee from a peroxide bottle bc they don’t supervise her urine test although our daughter was born addicted to methadone and only weighed 4lbs plus her hospital papers said methadone, thc, benzodiazepines, opiates, and druf addiction. It has taken me 6 months to save $5000 for the retainer fee and I haven’t seen my daughter, she changes her number every 3 weeks, working as a stripper and hids my daughter from me. She has been arrested 3 times, gets over ,1500 a month government even when we were together when my baby was born. There is so much more, but she filed child support to back door her way to establishing full custody, dcf has had 6 cases in 9 months opened against her. She has plastered all over fb pic of her smoking weed, drinking, partying, while the child is present. I finally filed for divorce, and a petition for temporary sole custody until they examine her case properly but the Department of revenue still wants someone to pay, I have left bags of clothes, diapers, toothpaste brushes, cups, medication for cold n coughs, all to find out she has been taking back over half the stuff to the stores. And bc she has sign federal fraudulent documents and held my child from me along with posting pics of her calling this thug daddy. I raise my children and support them in every way, I coach my sons soccer, baseball, basketball teams, on the pto, involved my churches youth fellowship ,& sports coordinator. I have done everything possible for my daughter and have spoken with all the other children’s fathers and they say she changes her number, has given the courts false contact n jobs numbers. Our state is a no fault state and it doesnt matter who did who wrongly in the marriage its still no fault. I go to court monday for a bs child support order which I cant see how the state could stand by say that a stripper that is a known drug addict can maintain or manage money for the support of my daughter. Its taken everything I got to raise my son and fight the system to raise my daughter but I cant see giving her a dime to spend on cigarettes, alchohol, her court cost, drug addiction, plus support her other children that the fathers claims stays with them 75% of the time and the mother throughs a fit to get them when its time to get their prescriptions that the father know the children have never taken a day in their life and they also habe reported her…. How broken is this system…. concerned, heartbriket, angry father that has to tell his son his baby sister will be home soon over n over n over…..
Why isthis happening..hun ive been though a horrible divorce. My ex usband s nd his mother teamed u ok against me took my baby for three months when i first said “i am divorcing you” and meant it. The Florida police told me its a civil matter and i have to wait for family court. I did i got her back a full ten days and it was fifty fifty until finalized divorce. My ex not soon aftr went to jail for battery the neighbors called the cops when thy seen physical violence. I had a no v contact prportction order full custody and he had supervised visits he never once did …. i later dropped the domestic violence injunction bc i believe that every child needs a father…(not that he was the best one all he did was hate me and play video games) buti dropped it and y hen he leaves me homeless in fl when all myfamily is in Ohio i moved with my newborn for him and he took his misery out on me the whole marriage and then his mother take my one and baby who i live for and the courts gave majority custody tohim (and his mom) bc i did not have a home i was legit homeless. ..he told the cc ourt i was a horrible mother all this nasty horrible things about me and my first attorney was my downfall he was crooked he did not do anything at all for me in my defense i was bullied to death in that court room and to not go to trtrial and be sabatoged and kicked when i was already down i decided to mediate..currently i am in ohio my baby is in fl and his verbal abuse and control issues nevr went away…. i am dying inside my baby is in my heart i tell her baby,where is mommy? she goes in my heart! and i go baby, now where is baby ?she goes in your heart! He tries to tell her m o mommy is in ohio it makes me sick but one thing you cannot take away is a mother child bond…… and to the men i lived on a base and i do empathize we with all you i was the only female in fami ‘ll y fleet that had their spouse take their chid and run ….god bless all of you
my mom is in a custody battle with her ex and he and his mother wont agree unless they get all the holodays and cristmas and her birthday so that leaves mum with school days and no holoday time with her can someone call me to give me advice to help mum with this court situation
email: lukereeves8@gmail.com
mobile: 0477460050
Protecting mother’s
Yes, there maybe wonderful fathers and I am sure in the courts eyes there would have to be proof beyong reasonable doubt to seperate a mother from the child she nurtured and kept alive in her womb to produce a healthy child. Regardless, of what any of you have to say, “Don’t make a child if you will not even have the moral responsibility to raise the child in a loving home with both parents”. Everyone bickers but learn how to work it out or know who you lay down with before creating a child and trying to soley blame your issues on the court. Your the one who created this mess not our state legislatures. Let me give you some advice that I have taught my children always understand there are consequence behind your behavior and morally always do the right thing. As for the women who wants to butt her nose in the issues of her husband ex stay out of it. Really, you have some nerve this is not your child. You are only making matters worse. He is a big boy and I am pretty sure he does not nead a cheerleader in the background.
It goes both ways. you say there “may be” as if you’re certain most are, for the most part, terrible fathers. Guess what, there “may be” wonderful moms out there, too. It’s possible, I guess, right??
Lady you are wrong they do need a cheerleader. The system is broke and the courts do not have the best interest of the child at hand unless you want to explains the majority of convicts who had one parent was the mother. Using the matter that the incubator is more able is not true at all. Wake you blind person Shared Parenting has been proven time and time again the best solution to this broken system. Step parents are in the picture no matter what you say they have rights as well and are affected by abusive ex-wifes. Only because you are able to have a child does not make you the best pick to be a good parent. Real facts point to a dependable father being the best, but it takes two to raise a whole rounded person no matter my personal feelings and experiences aside.
Here we are again. I am sick and tired of blaming men. This attitude of men bashing is not healthy and certainly not in the best interest of children. You are treating non-custodian male parent as a criminal. I thought your website is there to help dads connecting with their children. Let me tell you something, It’s truly unbelievable in a country like Canada, you can be separated from your children, alienated by the children’s mother and then she gets finance to fight you for years through the courts. What kind of sick, cruel legal system would allow this to happen?
I believe the answer is always is money! Family lawyers intentionally inflame situations and then you have the judges who have the power, but lack the common sense and guts to stop these evil parents and letting the dads see their own children in an equal and just way.
There is a movement in Canada that is growing increasingly frustrated and impatient and is starting to take matters into their own hands, to stop this cruel, state-sanctioned child abuse happening to our innocent children.
Parental alienation is acknowledged and punished in other countries, so why can’t we act now and stamp it out here? It is time to stand up and make family laws fairer to stop child abuse being carried out and to promote shared parenting in the family courts so broken families can start to be repaired for the good of our communities.
ok i just want to throw some thing out here,yes not all husbands and or dads are bad or deserve to be treated like this. but i am a mother of two beautiful boys and my husband,their father walks all over me like i am a door mat he has hit my oldest son before and me as well. no mind you i do have an active divorce case and i have an attorney, and i do plan on taking him on every thing but solely due to the four years of pure horror it has been being with him. his temper and attitude is so bad that my three year old son is showing the same poor attitude and behavior that his father has and quite honestly it scares the living hell out of me. now call me money hungry or greedy but some woman are actually abuse victims and any man that raises his hands to his children let alone his wife does not deserve to have children.
Hi. My name is Ryan Gutierrez. I agree with you 500% . Any man that even raises his hands automatically is a red flag. Let alone hit his child and of course you as the mother of his child. He should get help and minimize the time spent with his children. My wife and I are going through a seperation but not a divorce and we have a 4 yr old girl and a 5 yr okd boy..they both love spending time with me as well as sleeping and staying the night with me.. it seems my wife is being manipulated by her sister to hold my children from seeing me because I put my wife’s mother in jail last year for leaving my children by themselves in our apartment while my wife’s mother slept upstairs in her apartment. ..so since ive dropped the charges last year my wife’s sister is trying to manipulate her to use my chikdren as a divorce weapon against me, and yet when I do get my kids and hear my kids tell me that when they tell my ex that they wana call me to talk to me they tell me she says no…and to go play while shes on her ipad going through facebook. My kids are 4 and 5 yrs old.. but they hear and see everything and ask questions and they tell me everything and yet I know its wrong that shes doing this and yet I still stick up for her and tell my kids that mommy knows im working so she cant always call me, but in reality I’m doing nothing and I would take any call from my kids. And when I call to speak with my kids she lies and tells me they are sleeping, when I know my kids sleeping habits.
but no matter what I still have to respect the mother of my children and only hope one day she will realize her sister doesnt give a damn about our kids but only that I put there mother in jail for a light reason…and im still scared that one day when im working and I know she is working who is watching my kids at that moment when i know Stevie Wonder could watch kids better than my ex’s mother or sister..
I only hope and wish that my wife’s sees the light and understands how important it is for BOTH parents to be involved in the kids lives no matter what…
but I could never physically or mentally abuse the kids or the mother of my kids…its so emotionally scary for your own family and yes…you need police reports and get the Department of Children and Family Services . Put everything on record and have proof.
but no matter what. Never talk negative about your ex to your kids. Your kids need to know both of you love them very much and its not your children’s fault. Communicate about everything your kids need not what you both want.
good luck.
Ryan Gutierrez
I am divorcinga pretty bad guy. He is totally runnnghte show. he was abusiveto me in thepast–butnobody cares– ieven ahve pictures. iwastold that I married him so I guess I knew what kind of a man he was. He hitmy son and kicked him in htehead–my son told and nothing happened to him. My soon2bx shoved my son in the shower. it was a few years ago but it greatly affected my son and he still talks about it. When my son tolkd the hterapist and CPS about it–they did nothing!! All my stbx hasto say is tha I am makingit up and turninghte kidsagainst him. it goes both ways withthis kind of \deception. My stbx actaullly did the abuse and he claims it is bing made uip against him. He has been ableto twist everything around an dmake me look like the bad person when I have been teh primary care giver all along. he has been abusive (never called the cops) and lied and cheated adn none of that will be used agaisnt him. he has manufactored this entire case agaisnt me–that I am unfit, crazy, vindictive etc. Hehas spent a great deal of time creating thi case. none of it is true but he keeps filingstuff in the courts sayign I am ettactic, dangerous, vioent, and threateneing. BUT he left his children alone with me when he went to sty with is grlfriend. The attorneys buy him hook, line, and sinker.–even mine!! I am fearful hat the judge will believe him too. Not becuase hanything is tru–but because he knows how t organize everything and create a campaign agaisnt me as that is what he does for work. Not every girl screws teh guy. Often times–expecially with narcissists—the guy screwsteh gal, court and kids all in one show!
my x husband was abusive and even admitted to it I was given a protective order and then he violated that one I was given a 2nd one. Well I didn’t pay for the court transcripts and he disappeared out of my children ‘s lives for 2 years because he didn’t want to be supervised by his mother or my parents to see his kids the court didn’t slap him on the hand or anything they gave him full unsupervised weekends and basically told me that I was harming my children by protecting them from being abused. My attorney who raped me financially turned around and said well you didn’t lose custody and I looked and him and said was that really ever in question. It is sick how much attorneys take on garbage and make the guilty look innocent and the innocent look guilty I’m done with them… Well until he tries to take me back to court again.
Your stbx sounds like my. Do some research into sociopaths. It will help you with your case.
I have been thinking this the entire I have been reading all these comments. Some of us are not money grubbing mothers. Some of us just want our exes to step up and be the father our children deserve. My soon to be ex husband stopped working and says there isn’t work for him at his commissioned based job so he won’t have to pay the full amount of child support. And he refuses to help with diapers and formula. Plus he wants to take our three month old to his mistresses house and I feel that’s very inappropriate.
“Any man who raises his hand to his children let alone his wife does not deserve to have children”
Shouldn’t that be ‘any person’? Or is it ok for mums to hit their kids and partners?
It’s certainly much harder to get anyone to believe though and that’s for sure. My ex wife has hit me many times before, slapped, shoved, repeatedly kicked me in the genitals and guess what, when I finally got up the courage to speak to a police officer about it they laughed at me.
But hey I guess I should just ‘man up’ and except that in this regard no one in society wants to accept that a mum can be the abuser and a man the victim.
Oh and despite that I actually have some evidence of abuse towards the kids by her no one in the courts, police or children’s welfare wants to hear it.
Still hopefully in 12 years when my son is an adult he will want to come find me and I can start helping him undo all the damage she is doing him.
Till then. Justice. Equality. Fairness. Nothing but a sick joke.
So just because he abused you and hit you and your son and I understand your divorcing him but that has nothing to do with you taking his money? Yeah for sures take your kids away with the swiftness until he get anger management and better way s to cope with stressful situations and hitting yall. But his money is his money. If u need something for your kid then yeah split the expenses. 300 to 500 a month? Wtf? For one kid? You know for sures that’s not all going to the baby!!!
I would not ever call you money hungry or greedy for getting abused as you claim. I did notice early on in your statement you stated the exact words ” I do plan on taking him on every thing”. That could be looked at as MONEY HUNGRY.
Courts Need to Wake Up!
I couldn’t agree more with the 2 previous comments. My husband’s ex will stop at nothing to disparage him to anyone who will listen – his family, the children, friends and not least of all the courts. GREED is her middle name as she hauls him in to court to pay for the decisions she unilaterally makes even when he disagrees such as high end private schools, trips abroad, high end computers and more. Why have a court ordered agreement that stipulates that the parents need to make joint decisions about the children, their education, health care etc. when she can do whatever she wants and my husband is on the hook financially. We are not wealthy by any stretch and the court, although they say they don’t take into account my income, they absolutely do! They have said that my husband has “access to other resources since he has a spouse who works”. So, basically they are saying that I can pay and just repackaging it a different way. Whoever is responsible for creating these laws and the views that the courts have was deranged! On top of all that one of the kids who is a teenager, hates my husband, sends him horrible emails and texts calling him names, swearing at him etc., and he can do nothing except continue to write checks! This must be what insanity really is.
I’ve never went thru a battle with my OWN child. But a male family member is going thru it. The mother is found in contempt of court more than 10 times, and she still has sole custody. We all know the child is being coached. The child makes comments that make our mouth drop. Ex. She replies to her grandmother(her father’s mom) “I only have one memmy and pappy” the mother takes one bobo and tries to say she being abused. The whole situation is horrible for the child to go thru. Don’t get me started with child support. I praise to all u dads that try for ur child(ren).
That’s what happens when you marry someone with baggage. Just because his teenage kid hates him does not mean he should stop providing. Next time you marry someone you should reconsider and make sure you are not dealing with someone else’s leftovers.
Actually, Kat, in some states there are stipulations to the Child Support Guidelines that state “if a child is hesitant to spend quality time with a parent but has no problem accepting monetary gifts” from that other parent, then the child is at risk for losing that support. A teenager acting innappropriately should be dealt with by the parent exercising parenting time, and not allowed to take place. “Someone else’s baggage” might seem like so much “baggage” if the other parent were supportive rather than destructive. Some parents actually encourage their children to see their father as a way to “get things.”
Unfair
I am a woman and I agree that men have to suck it up overall and still get scrutinized in the end. I have watched my husband get the blame for EVERYTHING even things he has not had any involvement in regarding his two kids. On top of that there is a paper trail a mile long showing that the mother is an unfit mother and yet the courts keep catering to her and now there is a huge mess for my husband and I to clean up. It is frustrating to see how the courts like to blame the dads for everything when it takes two to make the kids and TWO parents to take care of them in every aspect…mentally, emotionally, physically and last and certainly not least FINANCIALLY!!! Yet again I feel the courts love to enable so many mothers to use her kids as a financial asset to getting ahead in life, trust me I have watched it first hand over the years, it is sickening and ultimately destructive not only to the kids’ future but any other family or kids involved. I feel the courts need to wake up and see that the old sterotype of dead beat dads have shifted more to the reality of money grubbing mothers!!!
Yes I agree with you. My partner and I are trying to bring up a baby in a settled and calming environment yet my first wife never sticks to the court order for my oldest son. She is constantly taking drugs, out partying or working 12hour shifts. Yet in the eyes of the csa and courts it is her who supports our son even though he is with us the majority of the time. He is constantly being let down by an unfit mother and yet it is always the father who is automatically presumed to be the guilty one. My solicitor has not been much help as without sufficient evidence, thousands to waste in court fees or the ability to want to create such an awkward situation for my son as to drag his mother through the courts, I am left feeling powerless. To make matters worse I’ve just found out it is pointless to save any money up or look at taking out a mortgage as my wife refuses to sign any clean break settlement for financial settlement. I only got married the first time so I could do the right thing for my son but in the end could not cope with a woman who got constantly drunk built up huge debts wwasing every penny on expensive clothes, nights out and cocaine. I just never had the heart to shop her to the police and I eventually walked out and left her.
I agree with you. No money grubbing on my exes part. She didn’t have to dig like a grub worm. She simply didn’t wear makeup, wore old clothes and looked pitiful. She makes 5 times,more Money than I do and yet she smiles. She got married this weekend so she will have even more money to spend on herself. When my son comes to visit with dirty underwear and socks with holes, she’s making enough. I’m so sick of the judicial system automatically awarding these type women momey they don’t deserve. I have tried to gain custody, she won’t hear of it. Says I’m a bad father. Someday it will be better for fathers. I can’t wait.
My ex of 23 years decided to cheat and move in with a guy from her work. Took my kids there while we were still married. Told them not to tell, broke their hearts. Held the mail, refused to help me pay the mortgage for 6 months prior to leaving. Stole her 401k hired a lawyer put up a big song and dance steam rolled me in court(I had no money for a lawyer) took my son away…we had given our teenage kids the right to choose he chose me. Her and her lawyer painted me out to be this terrible person when SHE was the one who did it all. I lost everything including my self respect. What hurts the most is I hardly ever get to see my children. I was the one who was most involved with their lives. I’m so emotionally drained these days that I have decided to give up.
I’m sorry. This sounds like what my fiancee is going through. He was married for 17 years to a lying, cheater. He worked his butt off to put her through nursing school and then was a stay-at-home father for 6 years while she ran around having affairs and treated him like a babysitter instead of a husband. Not only was he raising their two, he’s raising a child she fathered with another man while they were married (and still to this day no one knows her dirty secret!). He comes from a great family where no one is divorced and was too ashamed to leave her and too scared to break up his family and not see his kids every day. After he finally had enough, he followed through with the divorce and even after it was settled, she was begging to get him back and trying to seduce him. When he resisted her advances, she began retaliating and using the kids as pawns in her sick games against him. Now, he is in a very happy relationship with me and we are getting married next year. The kids and I adore each other. The only problem is HER. She will do everything she can to lie and manipulate the kids/situation to get her way. She plans fun trips and things on his weekends and tells the kids to ask their dad if they can go, so when he says no, he’s the bad guy and the kids are mad at him. She has succeeded in alienating his oldest from him by having no rules in the house and telling him now that he is 18, he doesn’t have to go to his dad’s anymore or listen to him. We haven’t seen his son since Christmas because in our house he isn’t allowed to work on school nights (because he was failing 3 classes), isn’t allowed to play his X-Box into the wee hours, has to shut the phone off by 10 on school night, etc, etc…normal household rules. So because he doesn’t’ want to follow these rules, he refuses to come over. And she supports him saying that he’s 18 and can make his own decisions. Even though she makes more money than he does and is now living with and sponging off of her wealthy boyfriend, she succeeded in extorting money (child support) from my guy and still has the nerve to demand he pay for clothes and food, etc for the kids. Yet she won’t split costs such as prom for their daughter because it’s on “his” weekend. She trash-talks him to the kids and on social medial, claiming he is a terrible father and an alcoholic…which he isn’t. And yet, the man she lives with, who gets to see the children more than their own father has a criminal record including several extreme DUIs, drug charges, criminal trespassing/burglary. She pulled the kids out of their schools and community they had been in their whole lives (his son right before his senior year) to move them 20 miles away in with this guy who she had only been dating for 3 months. She harasses/bullies him and others. Takes the kids on little “field trips” to vandalize people she doesn’t like’s properties – she teepees their houses, pours bird seed on their lawns and cars, and even pours sugar all over their yards so they get ants. She is a sick, sick, twisted woman and yet has legal decision-making which she uses as a power trip. She makes not one decision that’s in the best interest of the kids and only makes decisions out of spite for him. Meanwhile, he is a loving and wonderful father (and partner). He had every intention of being married to her forever and keeping his family intact. She destroyed it and is now reaping the rewards with the court’s support. I am so lucky to have him and his kids in my life but she is adding so much stress to all of our lives. My poor guy is having trouble sleeping, eating, has lost 10 lbs just from stress because everyday it’s something new with her. It’s a total nightmare!
if parent were good, why to take them to court in the first place?….its simple , stick to helping the kids financially and emotional, something is really wrong if you have to go through court, then those are really special abusive cases.
Because that very attitude of entitled custody has to stop. The kids are the ones who suffer and us men are not banks without hearts. Because we are tired of hearing people like yourself act like mothers have more rights, sorry but like it or not this type of attitude means you most likely are one of those
Banks without hearts? Why pick a woman to have a child with that would act in that fashion. Men have to start taking responsibility for what they do.
Wait until you have your kids. Pray that your husband is there even after divorce.
I must be the stepmom huh? I get what ur saying but it’s easy to get lost in what u think is good parenting but ultimately it’s ur husband and his exes kids and though he’s been blamed for things I doubt highly he’s perfect and at one point he must have agreed with parenting styles cause he had more then one kid with her right?? U usually don’t think someone is horribly unfit and decide to have a village of children with em …. Right? Seems like a lot of ppl problems mostly stem from years of jealousy and pent up aggression. I’m sure if u could get away with it u would probably beat her ass right? Well, just remember the more she annoys u the better she feels so forget her and forget trying to take her kids cause I’m sure u would do a lot of what she did if someone was trying to take ur kids from u. Plus, nobody is a perfect parent and I’m sure that chick is right fit for a straight jacket but don’t play her games cause it will just cause fights between u and ur man. B the better person even if it’s the hardest thing in the world to do. Just my opinion of course.
Very well said…..totally agree with you
Really
During my divorce I have accused of everything under the sun and have not retaliated. The result is that I have limited custody. Your advice is probably right in an unjust society that consistently looks for people who will take it in favor or those who will not. It is sad that all the advice here is essentially — Dad’s if you want to see your kids turn your other cheek so that you can get slapped around some more. What is needed is a political fight that puts an end to the big business of divorce and marriage. Removing money from the system will result in equality. Band together men and replace the political leaders who support the unjust system of enslaving one person to benefit another.
You are so right. And just so you know, it’s not only the men who lose to the corrupt chauvinistic and biased justice system. Woman do too. I’m on the other end of the snakes. If you are an emotional loving caring mother and your husband tells lies, you’re automatically guilty before considered innocent. He has the money the great job and the attorney. Therefore, divorce is hell. Think of life without your kids. Just a day away (sharing) makes it all NOT worth it. Don’t pay. Stay with your wives! Marriage should be a sacred commitment and your kids deserve better. Suck it up and follow it through for theirs and your sakes.
I tried, we had a great marriage then boom, I don’t want you anymore. I asked to do therapy, suggested we spend some time actually like dating again and learn more about the other person again. She replied “I’m not putting myself through that”(referring to therapy) . I wish everyday it could’ve be helped for the kids sake. I wish more ppl saw marriage for the commitment it is rather than something easily giving up. It’s sad
I am going through this heartbreak now. I put myself through nursing school right after I lost everything in a tornado in Mo un 2011. He is a business owner and very well set. I cannot fight him because his pockets are to deep and he knows this. After the tornado he kept the children for the summer so that I could get things together and refused to give them back. He has told so many lies to everyone who will listen and is such a manipulator. He tells the children such terrible things about me they are scared to show any positive feelings toward me. He gets away with everything and I’ve been nice and not said anything to the children and I end up still on the bottom.
This is a very unfair system. It all needs to change.
Hi, I am sorry to hear your situation. I am the step-dad in my case. My wife has the child while this situation is pending until the 21st of this month. His dad does the same. He puts the child against her mom. But, there is a god. And everyone pays their debt in life. Even that business man one day may get a bad cancer that no pocket will save. Kids grow up, and they get to know very well their parents and who they really are. I grew with my step dad saying bad things about my dad who I never met until I was 20 because he left the country seeking for a better future for the family and couldn’t come back again (Cuba) until I came to USA and I met him. During that time I developed some anger against my stepdad which turned to be right in many aspects. Now, I could confirm many things with my own eyes and I am not angry at my step dad anymore. But, the point is that your ex is simply hurt inside, and he does this as a way to cause you suffering. Do no show feelings in front of him, make your kids feel like home when they are with you. There is a big difference between the love to moms and the one to dads. After 13, they can go to court and decide for themselves who they want to live with.
This is so true…im dealing with the same stuff.my daughter has been taken from me without my consent..what do I do
I completely understand where you are coming from. My ex has custody of my two daughters, and my oldest one has been completely alienated from me. I see my 11 yr old two days a week and I took her to a movie. The next day I get harassing texts from my ex stating that the movie was too scary and I’m irresponsible. Everything I do is wrong, even going to a movie. In the mean time, he goes to a family picnic, drinks a few beers then gets in the car with my kids. Now that is irresponsible. But that doesn’t matter because he has all the money which is all the courts look at.
That’s all the court look at. I lost my daughter’s custody to my ex’s parents! I have a perfect life in MO but since they started the case in a small town in KY with this family that are friends with pretty much everyone in town and has all the money in the world to drag me in court, they won. Now my daughter lives 600 miles away from me. I get little to no visitation because my daughter’s psychiatrist have to make sure my daughter cope with the separation right. Why take her away from her mother in the first place? One mistake I had was I let her watch over my daughter, then next thing I know, they took me to court and I couldn’t get my daughter back since then. The court system is really messed up. Someday my daughter will know the whole truth.
Jennifer, I have a very similar situation and I have posted on support sites but gotten no replies. I am sick of everything being about ” feel sorry for the dads” and now it is so twisted that I feel hopeless. It’s all about money when it comes to the dad in my situation. Money controls it all. I’d love to speak to you in private. I am assuming you are still in MO ( Joplin?)? I am in Iowa.
I think we may have the same ex! LOL My ex adopted my 2 older children and then when I filed for divorce, he decided he wanted our son, but not our daughter. He’s got endless contacts in the legal and court systems and has filed false police reports and gotten caught and filed court documents late and he has still not been reprimanded. He does not pay child support and refuses to meet me half way to drop off the kids because he simply doesn’t feel like it. He has told lies to anyone and everyone that he knows he can manipulate and will believe him. I’ve never been in any type of trouble and even went as far as accusing me of child abuse and had the children taken away from me for a few hours, until it was proven he lied and manipulated the Judge, but still no consequences. He was arrested and charged for attacking me last year in front of the kids and only received a $250. He has completely turned my son against me (who is not biologically his and I have proof he acknowledges he did not want to adopt him) My son was never good enough or old enough for him before, but as soon as I filed for divorce he suddenly became his number 1. My son has always been loving, kind and sweet he now looks at me with what feels like complete and utter disgust. The way he responds to different things are directly from the divorce decree and/or sound just like my ex. He even comes up with stuff that he should not even know about. I spent over $16,000 on attorneys and have nothing else to spend. I’ve don’t everything I know to do to show the judge what is happening and nothing is been done. Any advice would be great!
WOW….. Jess… I am truly sorry for what you have gone thru. I think we were with the same person. He never showed any attention to my oldest from previous relationship until we seperated and now they are the best of friends. Ive had them full time since birth 9 years ago and the past few weeks he has forced his way into getting half visitation. And now he feels like he has every right to have 50/50. He would verbally and phsyically abuse me for so many years and go to the gym for almost 3 hours everyday after work. He makes up lies and never has any proof to back it up but I have to bend over backwords to prove myself. He told even had me sign a contact with him that I would get full custody and now he is saying he didnt write the part about getting the kids but I recorded him writing it. My court hearing is in the morning and I do not have a lawyer so hopefully I can reschedule.
I so agree
I know I’m a bit late to the thread, but I’m in the same boat, and the custody battle hasn’t even started yet. I got an acs case, because my son is failure to thrive. The case was closed because they couldn’t find the allegations of malnourishment true, and my son was born small, and he is special needs. They found in my care, my son was gaining weight, slow but gaining. Up to date with all shots, I followed up with all genetic appointments, gasternorology, diet plans made by the dietian, endocrine appointments, immunology appointments etc. Acs violated my rights MULTIPLE TIMES. Me and my ex have had a two year history of domestic violence, including during my pregnancy. He was a good father, but a bit irresponsible. Coming in our home strung out on weed, around our newborn baby who just came home from the NICU, leaving our son unattended, etc. A week later, I have PTSD, and I try to harm myself, acs takes my son and places him with his biological father, now my ex. Prior to this, we had a case for ‘malnourishment’ he was defending me. All of a sudden, after we split and I get a second case, because I don’t want to be with him, he’s hell bent on getting revenge. As well as for the time I placed him in jail for what.. a couple of days? I didn’t even testify knowing he would be a felon, and because we’re in college, and not done with our undergrad, and him doing premed, it will hinder him, and will cause a strain on child support being he can never get a job, and it will limit where he lives. I didn’t want to do that, but guess what he does? He is willing to testify against me for ‘malnourishing our son’. Um, last I checked, my son was removed from me because I tried to harm myself, and he wasn’t even home, and he was in the care of my family at the time. Where is the imminent danger? Their being biased toward my mental health, but what about my issues with late child support, him leaving my child unattended, beating me with my child present, and during the pregnancy, and he also beat up two other girls who got restraining orders against him, wtf? I didn’t see the signs of how crazy this man was until I was four months pregnant. He has even brought the baby late to visits with me because he’s upset I don’t want to be with him. What the hell? And he lives like six blocks away from the acs office. And he is placing things about me saying I’m a bad mom. If I was unfit, why nineteen months later, AFTER A BREAKUP, you’re saying I’m a bad mother? His family didn’t even want to help with the baby, wanted a dna test. And after two dna tests that’s when they want to get involved. They also helped try to take the baby away from me and they didn’t even know me. My son’s doctors aren’t willing to testify against me. Their bringing in a psychiatrist who has met me once when I was unconcious from the pill overdose, trying to commit suicide to say if I should be reunited with my child? And a social worker who called in the last case, to say what? Where are the doctors who have EXAMINED MY SON. Also, their using my ex as a witness and some of his friend’s. How biased is that? I have a stronger case. I have the doctors and my friends and family, and my neighbors where acs harassed them, and they told the truth. The baby is seen with me, and in good care. Sorry to rant. But I am TIRED, of these corrupt family courts. The worker stated I did drugs, and I passed their drug test, then he’d recant. He said I was never in counseling or taking my medication the doctors prescribed to help the depression and anxiety. I have proof I was, and my psychiatrist will be testifying as well.
Suck it up??
Yes, you are right. I was a victim in this battle too. He has money, attorney and lie and he won the case. I have no criminal and bad history, very good mom and I didn’t work. I was immigrant, full time mom no job and this jerk judge reward sole to my ex. No fair in the court only money and power.
You are extremely correct. The court system does not care about the father’s rights….YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS UNDER ANY PARENTING AGREEMENT. The court system has destroyed me. I have 42 counts pending against my x wife that have been completely ignored by the guardian ad lidem. Friday my x called me 17 times to say good night to our child…he was notified and ignored it….intead, he put a time limit for when phone calls can be made….the time limit occurs while I’m at work! My child is manipulated constantly….I video tape it and submit it to the GAL….he reports back to me my actions are inappropriate….guess what…the court only looks at factual evidence; lawyers hate factual evidence! If my daughter is going to be manipulated emotionally and psychologically, I’m recording what she says and submitting it. I’ve had it with this court system! Father’s right’s.? Really? YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS….get used to it because the politicians and the judicial system are making TONS OF MONEY ON THIS!
That is not always true. My ex husband sexually abused a 10yr old girl. The judge over our custody case has not even heard the testimony of the girl yet or anything else we have to present in court — we have been waiting a year now. She *thank God* did order that my ex husband undergo psychosexual evaluations but while we wait for the results she is giving him unsupervised access to our 7yr old daughter. It is sickening. The reasoning behind it is the judge says he has just as much right to see the child as I do. Having the district attorney’s office, police department, Childs advocacy center, and child services say he is guilty of child sex abuse and sodomy of a child under age 12 hasn’t led the judge to do anything to protect our daughter from him. The judge is prejudiced against me because I am the “ex” and her experience is that ex wife’s will say anything to get their ex husbands in trouble…. The system is horrible
Mother’s have no rights neither take it from me I have been fighting for my son for 9 years and I am still a piece of crap in the courts eyes because I used to be addicted to drugs and now cleaned for 10 years his father moved him away 2 years ago so that’s how long it has been since I seen my son but that is OK because he carries primary residents custody no is not OK what about my right
Any updates??
I have to admit, I totally agree. We had a counselor, who at Moms request, was “helping Dad and daughter have a meaningful relationship” yet when said counselor was given text messages between mother and daughter showing her calling Dad by his first name, saying she hated him, telling the daughter that “she hopes she sees how XXXX really is now” (at the age of 12) in fact we gave the counselor at least 15 photos of messages like this only to get a phone call saying this was all too much information! How can it be too much information or bad conduct on the part of the parent collecting the information, when the bad conduct is obviously the other parent?!
I tell anyone who asks me for advice on these issues to stay out of court. If someone comes after your right to be a parent, you might be better off giving it to them because people with these intentions never stop. They don’t have an off button that tells them enough is enough, they will just keep pushing and pushing forever until the kids are too old to continue doing so. Even then, someone dead set on bringing ill will your way will never be done with you. Chasing our tails just gives the evil person more time and energy to pursue their agenda.
Very well said!!!!
Well said sir! Turn the other cheek seems to be the “best” advice available. On social media, there are hundreds of thousands of fathers who have been unfairly judged by the family court system. The experienced and even the gullible newbie lawyers for dad try to milk as much money possible from you so they can split it among the court officials; subsequently, passing a verdict not in favor of dad. Ever!
I’m with you! How do we go about it?
Well my wife has had depression since she was very young and has had a tragic life. After 8 years of marriage and our 5th child she has decided to talk to another man. I still tried my best to work it out. She says it’s just done. And is willing to do 50/50 with the children. She doesn’t really have a job and I make good money. Should I still get a lawyer? Or will I need to with the whole child custody thing or can we work it out on a self agreement. I STILL deeply love her and am willing to let her go if it makes her happy. It’s been emotional and rough living under the same roof as she has nowhere to go and I don’t want to just choose to be away from my kids. I don’t know if I should rush to filing for a divorce while things are civil or wait to see if things can work out. Q
Hold your kids close and no matter how much your wife crys DO NOT let her have them. I made that mistake, and now my ex has our daughter who she never cared about until we broke up. she broke a signed agreement and now I have to go to my lawyers in the morning and try to get my daughter back. Worst mistake of my life, and I owe it to my lawyer who said if I had it in writing and we both signed it I would be fine. well I’m not fine, the police wont do anything, the lawyer isn’t reachable on the weekend, and even if he was he probably would be able to do anything on a sunday. now she’s going to hold on until we go to court and I don’t know when I will get to see my daughter. all because I was told not to withhold access, and trusted her to keep her word. NO, no matter how much she begs, NEVER let your child out of your arms!
Bare in mind I am getting all of this second hand. However my father was accused of spousal abuse, child abuse, adultery and everything else my mother could think of. I was 12 at the time and there was a thing or two I wanted to tell that judge. However my father wanted to protect me and my mother knew better than to put me on the stand. There are things she did that it took a long time and help from my stepmother for me to forgive her for. Maybe if my father had gotten custody of us my sister wouldn’t have ended up pregnant out of wedlock at age 18. If you have reason to believe your ex is an unfit parent don’t give up. The damage done now doesn’t go away. If your child is willing to take the stand on your behalf in court at least consider it. Having my fate decided by a judge who never even met me is that still bothers me twenty five years later. I have a good marriage and I am doing my best to raise my child. However I still can’t get along with my mother for extended periods of time. My sister has cut our father completely out of her life.
Well I posted on here about 6 weeks ago. My wife had wanted to try and work it out. So we did. Little did I know she was talking with a cocaine dealer, drug addict with 4 kids with different moms and only gets to see 1 of his kids. I do not want my children (5) around that type of atmosphere nor do I want my wife, but that’s her choice. So, she doesn’t have a job, still lives in the same house as I do. my leases is up next month and I just want to pay the last month and tell her she has to find somewhere else to go, as I will move in with my parents until our divorce is finalized ( that way I can save up money and have help). we agreed on 50/50 ( I knew she would because she doesn’t like being a mom) but if she is going to put my kid around someone like that with the poor judgement shouldn’t I go for more custody? She has tried to commit suicide dozens of times, after a while I started to record these actions, swallowing bottles of pills, cutting her wrists, etc. twice even was doing this infront of our kids. I don’t want her to suffer anymore and I try helping her. her depression is so bad though.
Now, i have her on tape saying she is taking our brand new, newborn baby over to this guys house as she admits she knows he sells cocaine and that he is an addict, she even told me his name and how to spell it. Is this all permissible in CA court? I want whats best for my family, now that my wife doesn’t want to be a part of that i just want to focus on my kids and myself. IS this wrong of me wanting to get more custody? i don’t mind the fact that i will have to pay child support or spousal support as i want them to have good lives. But i know my wife and she is a spender on pointless things. might have something to do with her being bipolar. Anyways thanks for reading if you have any information that could be of use please email or text me robbieknight87@gmail.com thanks!
Oh let me just say that in Michigan women do not automatically get custody and they certainly don’t always get ” their way”! I am one of the few that lowered support so my ex could get on his feet and I’ve never gotten a raise in support cause the courts said I should b happy I get anything even though he makes 90 thousand a year and I make 22 thousand. So believe me when I say it usually depends on who has the better lawyer. At least in Midland Michigan cause the courts play by rules they make up as they go along!!! Sad but true that the kids are rarely 1st priority! It’s all about money as far as I can tell.
It ABSOLUTELY depends on who has the better lawyer. My son’s father doesn’t love him. He hit him on a daily basis. But he got custody after I reported my son’s allegations that dad’s new girlfriend was touching his private parts. The court found me incredible and stated that I had fabricated these allegations. Now, I’ve lost my son and I’m paying child support to a person I can’t stand. best part, he used the child support money to buy himself a new truck. and he still hits my child and there’s nothing I can do about it.