A Mans Mind: Divorce and Getting Over It

by Richard J. Avdoian, MS, MSW, CSP

In the course of a divorce, we are often hurt by others and by ourselves through our self-doubt. Holding in hurt feelings for months in some cases years, is stressful, can cause minor and major illnesses and result in a very dysfunctional life.

Learning to forgive, get over it and make a decision to move forward is an important part of reclaiming a healthy life.

Stuck in Crisis Mode

Small hurtful comments or situations are typically easy to laugh off or process with little aftermath reaction.  But there are hurts that we experience that are so unfair, unforeseen, deeply felt that we retreat and we get “stuck in crisis mode” we choose not to forgive the person(s) who caused the situation that created the hurt.

Typical reactions to being hurt are anger or even hatred.  Men tend to internalize their anger, resentment and hopelessness which results in increased stress.  When a man is ready to face the hurt and the person or people involved head on, he can emerge from the “stuck in crisis mode” and reclaim his life and live healthy and happy.

Learning to Forgive

Being hurt by a loved one is particularly painful. Although it will be difficult, it is necessary to be open and accepting when confronting the person or people who caused the hurt.  Be ready to learn how you may have contributed to their hurt as well.  With new insights, your hurt feelings may give way to compassion, forgiving and willingness to work through the divorce process void of harsh, negative responses and events.

Forgiving

Forgiving is at the core of healing and moving on in life, but it should not be confused with denying, excusing or ignoring the event(s) that caused the situation and hurt.  Forgiving includes openly acknowledging what happened, owning your emotional and mental reactions and making a decision to reclaim your life.

The Byproduct of Forgiving

Forgiving relieves your body and mind of the toxins related to the hurt and makes it easier to transition to an easier life.  Once you are free from the resentment of those who have contributed to your hurt, you can freely reclaim your life.

Keep in mind the longer you relive your misfortunes, the more power they have to harm you.  Don’t let internal fears, anger and self-doubts keep you stuck.

 © Richard J. Avdoian, MS, MSW, CSP (2009)

Richard Avdoian , MS, MSW, CSP   Men's Divorce Coach

Located in Metro St. Louis, Richard works men who are in the divorce process and with men who are committed to living healthy lives, enhancing their personal relationships and achieve their goals.  Richard can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

 © Richard J. Avdoian, MS, MSW, CSP (2009)

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